He lifted his hand, letting go of me as a means of respect. “Alright. I won’t pry. Just… Maybe talk to Simon or Liam, yeah?”
“Thank you.” I swiped the back of my hand across my eyes, wiping the wetness beginning to linger there. “Sure,” I answered, but I knew I wasn’t planning on going to them.
Pivoting, I went to take a step forward, but before I could, his hand wrapped around my wrist. Ripping me toward him, Matthew’s arms wrapped around me, pulling me into a hug I’d needed for far too long.
“You’ve got the same look in your eyes,” he whispered, rubbing my back. “I’ve seen it with Thorne, and if there’s one thing I can offer you, one plea to extend… Your presence is needed here, Oren.”
“No.” It was muffled as my head rested on his chest, my shoulders loosening for the first time inhours. At my confession, the tears poured, and I wiped at them furiously. “It doesn’t make a difference if I’m here or not. Thorne said it best. I fucking run away from everything because I’mworthless. I can’t even honor my own fucking mother or protect what’s left of her.”
“Stop,” he muttered, his hand coming to rest on the back of my head. “You honor your mother every day. Byliving,by choosing life. And you protect her when you protect yourself.Youare part of her, Oren.”
“What parts?” I shouted, nearly wailing. “All the parts that make me upare pitiful. My life is meaningless, I have a father who wishes I were dead, and a commander who?—”
“A commander who would disagree with everything you’re saying.”
“Now I know you’re lying to make me feel better. That man in there would say far worse.Toldme far worse,” I corrected. “Everything he said last night was true. It’smyfault she died. It’smyfault I’m a fucked up failure, and I goddamn know it would’ve been better if I’d killed myself that night.”
He pulled back, his fingers grabbing my cheeks. “That is a two-faced fucking lie, andyouknow it. Simon and Liam would be devastated if you weren’t a part of this world. And Thorne?” He shook his head, laughing softly. “He’d never forgive himself. Though I’m not certain he will after last night anyway.”
Would they?
“You can’t let your dad win, Oren. Do not let him snuff out your radiance because I’veseenit happen once already. And that damnation? That soul-sucking lifelessness? You don’t deserve it.” He brushed a tear from my cheek before it could continue its path down my face. “Do youreallythink your mom would want this? Want you broken beyond recognition?”
The answer was there, but I couldn’t find the strength to say it. If she saw my current state, she’d be horrified. Drag me out for ice cream and a movie until a smile eventually cracked its way through my makeshift walls. But here? Life was so difficult without her.
“I-I know, but I’m tired. I’msotired of fighting against him, against Thorne, this place—everything.”
“Believe me. I understand. God, Oren, Iunderstand.”
“Then how do I manage? How do I get up and do this shit daily without faltering?” I rubbed the rest of my tears away, exhaustion settling into my bones.
“By being fucking spiteful.” He smiled gently, a spark of life igniting in his gaze. “By continuing in this life to give your dad the fucking middle finger. By continuing to shine your light into his shadows.”
“But Ican’t. I can’t afford for someone else to get hurt. I don’t care what happens to me, but Simon or Liam? He’d hurtthemuntil I cooperated.” There was no longer a way to fight against him, and for the first time, I understood what Thorne had told me earlier. Defiance came at a cost, and that cost was too high.
“And that’s why we fight back. That’s why we rebel.”
“Fight back? When hasanyoneever fought back against my dad?” I might have tried over the years, but I was never going to win against him.
He shook his head. “Where do you think we got our bruises from?”
“Well, Simon said you two were fucking, but I wasn’t so sure,” I muttered, heat traveling across my cheeks. I wasn’t going to tell Matthew I thought it too. Especially not after he’d talked me off a ledge.
Laughing, he threw his head back, the definition of unfiltered joy rippling off him. “Oh, God. I love that man, and I can unashamingly admit that he is attractive, but fuck no.”
“So you two…aren’ta thing?”
“Furthest from it. He’s my best friend, my brother, but my dick is going nowhere near him.”
“O-Oh,” I muttered, rubbing the back of my neck before jerking my thumb to the closed door. My father was still inside with Thorne. “So… the bruises you earned from my dad?”
“None other than the mark of the General himself.” Matthew shrugged. “Not something we’re unfamiliar with.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“You mean… he punishes you, too?”
Despite my mother’s cries for help, no one believed the hatred my father held for her, but it was even worse for me. When I expressed that my father was beating me, not even my teachers, friends, or classmates listened. He was a decorated general.Iwas the one labeled as deranged and dangerous,notthe man who wielded a leather belt.
