His finger curled around the chain lining my throat as he yanked me closer. Alcohol-laden breath greeted me, but I could tell he was the furthest thing from intoxicated. God, compared to me, he was sober.
“Fine. If you don’t want to indulge, tell me, and you can leave.”
Indulge? My lips were an inch from his. If he wanted to continue playing this game, I’d test him. “Then kiss me. If thisisn’ta manipulation tactic, fucking kiss me.” I smirked, waiting for him to stumble and pull away.
But he did the complete opposite.
His lips crashed into mine with the very definition of desperation, his tongue wasting no time to trail across my teeth, begging me to let him in.
I pressed against his chest, shoving him back just enough to break the kiss as I panted. “You… You?—”
But I didn’t finish as my back slammed into the wall, his lips riddled with the heat I thought he’d made up. Our tongues clashed, wrestling with one another, but it quickly became clear that he was allowing me to have the upper hand—wantingit. As if to serve his declared desire to worship me, his hands immediately began their exploration, brushing across my abdomen and chest before descending toward my waistband.
Pulling back, his chest heaved. “Tell me you don’t want this, that you don’t wantme.”
“I-Idon’t,” I said, but it was barely a whisper.
I didn’t, right? Everything in my head screamed to leave, to resist, because it wasGraves. He fucking buzzed my hair, took information from my dad, and beat the living shit out of Simon. But there was a layer beneath that wanted to give in to the dark temptation of him, if only for a night.
“Good,” he breathed, pulling away more as his finger uncurled from my necklace.
My fingers pressed against my lips because they were burning, and whether I wanted to or not, my eyes softened as I met his gaze. “Whoare you, really?”
Maybe it was a dumb ass question, but this… this was unexpected, as if he had two personas. His kiss said it all, the twist of his tongue avoiding overpowering mine.
“A very broken and very misunderstood man doing his best to navigate the shitty life he’s been given.” His jaw feathered, and I swore his eyes began to glisten. “I’m not a good man, Oren. I’m the furthest thing from, but God, I’d be lying if I claimed I wasn’t seeking salvation.”
My breath lodged in my throat, the lump impossible to swallow. “Fuck, how much did you drink to spill your life secrets to a washed-up, fucked up,patheticman? You said it best. All I ever do is run and?—”
He cut me off. “I say what I have to say to protect those I love, and believe me, there’s nothing I hate more in this world than myself. I’m weak, spineless, a fucking coward, but when you walked in that goddamn door, I saw a beacon. Achanceto experience life again.”
“I don’tdolove,” I echoed back. “And I’m not the person you’re looking for. I-I can’t be the recipient of your… of yoursecretswhile you degrade me in public. If you want that, find someone else.” I grabbed my shirt, tossing it over my head as I blocked myself from running back for another taste. Once was foolish. Twice would be idiotic.
His fingers curled around my wrist, pulling me back toward him. “Are you notlistening?You think I want to do that? That I wish to betray you in front of everyone? Oren. I don’t have a fucking choice. Your dad?—”
“Ido. I think… I think this is all a game to you, that fucking with me mentally here aids your and my dad’s wishes.”
“God! It’s not a fucking game to me, Oren!” He ran a hand through his hair, his chest rising with an unsteady breath. “I don’t want to be this man. I don’t… but I can’t escape your father’s clutches. I’ve tried. Believe me. I’ve. Fucking. Tried.”
“You don’t think I know how my own father operates?!” I shouted, raising my hands. “I grew up with him. Fuck!” I clasped the necklace to calm myself. “He’s manipulative, and so are his men, so if you’re saying it’s not a game, then prove it.”
“You do not understand how heoperatesin the ranks. Not when the man who has you leashed to his command admits to killing your men. Not when you’re battling every fucking day to keep the people around youalive.”He shook his head, his lips quivering. “I have no one, Oren. Nothing to fucking lose. My dad committed suicide when I was eighteen, lit the house on fire, and took my mom and sister with him. And while nothing remains in my personal life, your father has no problem reminding me of all the things I have left for him to bleed dry… But this,” his finger curled under my chin, lifting my gaze to meet his, “thisisn’t a game.”
I should’ve kept my mouth shut, but it was easier to push someone away than let them in. And like he’d said, Iran.Ran away from anything good to maintain the image, the persona that I was tough shit.
“Well, that sounds like ayouproblem.” The words scorched my throat as I said them, not an ounce of fire beneath. “I can’t fix your problems. Sorry your family died, but it’s notmyproblem to fix. Your salvation, or whatever you want, isn’t with me.”
“It could be,” he practically whispered. “Itcouldbe. Oren, your dad put me in charge of breaking you for a reason. Because heknowsit’ll destroy me in the process. And I can’t… I don’t?—”
“Do your fucking job and break me then,” I snapped. “I don’t need to rely on someone else like you do. I might be worthless, but IknowI am. You? You’re a failure, dumping all your problems on everyone else.” I shoved him back. “Youhurtme. You hurt Simon, and you want me to listen to you fucking cry over your life? Well, shit.Everyonehas a sob story, but I choose to do what I want, no matter the consequences.”
I couldn’t do this,bein here with him, because every second his weakening face tore at something in my heart. Maybe it was because I was staring at a mirrored image of myself, yelling the words I deserved to hear athim.
There was something in Thorne’s gaze that cracked as soon as the words left my lips. Before I had time to contemplate the shift, his fist curled around the cross resting against my chest, and the chain snapped, the only piece I had left of my mom residing in his hand.
“Give that back!” I snapped, reaching for the chain.
Pure and utter lifelessness consumed his amber eyes that were ignited with passion before.
