“The car was so crushed and twisted, I couldn’t even get to him. I couldn’t help him— Couldn’t hold him—”
He breaks off with a quiet sob, and for a long while, all I can do is tighten my arms around him, letting my own tears fall silently into his hair. Turns out that, while I can’t and fuckingwon’tcry over the shit in my own past, this is a whole different matter.
I can’t think of a damn thing to say—but for once, can I really blame myself? I don’t really think thereisanything to say. Stupid shit likeI’m sorrydoesn’t even come close to enough.
Jesse’s tensed-up body slowly relaxes as I stroke my hands in circles over his back, and when I brush his hair away from his temple to kiss him, he lets out a choppy sigh and nuzzles closer into my neck. Oh, this man. Even as it breaks for him, he stillmanages to melt my heart right into a damn puddle.
I don’t think he even knows he’s doing it.
“I know he’d want me to live. To be happy.” His voice is hoarse and all muffled, the way his face is still pressing in close against me. “And Tris? I finally feel like I can.”
Holy fuck.He doesn’t mean… ‘Cause of…me?
“It’s just,” he breathes out, long and shaky as he strokes his thumbs over my shoulders. “Now that means I have something to lose again.”
“You were worried about something happening to me today?” Fuck, I don’t even know how I get those scary-ass words out over how hard he’s just set my heart pounding. Doesn’t matter that I already know the answer.
He just nods, tightening his arms around me. Then, “That’s crazy, isn’t it? Weird—”
“Not crazy.” My lips tremble when I kiss him again, and something’s gotta be seriously wrong with me because I don’t even care if he notices. “I told you, sunshine, no one’s ever given a fuck about me before. I—”I love it.“You care about me. It feels good.”It’s everything.
“I do care, Tris.” He lifts his face and kisses me. It’s one of those sweet, soft Jesse-kisses that messes with my head and my heart and makes me want things I have no fucking right to hope for. “So much.” One last touch of his lips on mine, and then he brushes his nose over my cheek, down my jaw, back to snuggle his face against my neck again.
Fuck, can he feel the crazy-ass beating of my pulse right now? And why do I still not care if he does?
“Reagan kept calling you my boyfriend,” I blurt, and Jesse goes all stiff and rigid against me. “At work. Yesterday.” I hold my breath, biting my tongue to keep more shit from pouringout, unasked. Let’s at least see what he says to that before I go and fuck things up any farther, right?
“What did you tell her?”
Oh fuck. He’sreallynot gonna give me anything?
“I told her you aren’t.”Why does that feel so shitty to say?“Only,” I squeeze my eyes shut and hold my breath. “I didn’t hate it that she thought you were.”
“You didn’t hate it?”
Shit. Nope. Didn’t hate it.
What Idototally hate is how goddamn neutral his voice is right now. Like he’smakinghimself not give anything away.
Please sunshine, give mesomethinghere.
“I kind of liked it?”Okay, totally not kind of. And totally not a question.
Those aren’t butterflies in my stomach now. No, they’re fuckingbouncy balls. Those crazy, neon-colored ones that little kids get that fly around the room all out of control, knocking shit over. Like a fucking thousand of them.
I can feel his smile against my neck and my heart kicks, hard and eager, against my ribs.
“Is that so?” He tilts his head back slightly, grazing his lips up my throat along the way. Andohhh, the look in those grey-blues of his.
“Yeah.”
His pupils blow wide, and the way his plump, soft lips turn up in that sexy, hungry smile makes my cock swell and stiffen between us. Fucking god, I can’t get enough of him.
“Yeah?” he brushes his thumb over my lower lip as I nod.
“A lot,” I whisper. “I liked it a lot.”
The grin that bursts across his face is pure sunshine. Golden and so fucking perfect I never want to forget what it looks likein this moment.
