Chapter One
~ Harlow ~
I spotted him from across the Saturday market and my heart did that funny little dance it always did whenever Deputy Daniel Latham came into view. Before my brain could catch up with my feet, I'd already ducked behind Mrs. Peterson's produce stand, nearly knocking over a pyramid of fresh tomatoes in my hurry.
I wasn't supposed to feel this way. Mama had been real clear about that. But knowing something ain't right don't make the feeling go away.
The Saturday market was usually my favorite place in all of McKenzie River. I loved the open-air feeling, the tables full of vegetables my family had grown, the way everybody smiled and talked to each other without rushing.
Most days I could wander through the market for hours, helping folks carry their heavy bags or letting kids pet the baby rabbits I sometimes brought from home. But today, with Deputy Dan walking between the booths in his tan uniform, I felt like a deer catching the scent of a hunter.
I crouched lower behind the stand, ignoring Mrs. Peterson's curious glance. My palms were all sweaty, and my heart was thumping so hard I wondered if folks could hear it over themarket chatter. I wiped my hands on my jeans and took a deep breath like Knox taught me when things got overwhelming.
"You need something, Harlow?" Mrs. Peterson asked, her voice kind but confused.
I shook my head quick. "Just... looking at these tomatoes down here. Making sure they're... good."
She raised one eyebrow but didn't say nothing else. That's what I liked about Mrs. Peterson. She didn't push when I got all tongue-tied.
I peeked around the edge of the stand, careful to keep most of my body hidden. Deputy Dan was talking to old Mr. Jenkins by the honey stand, laughing at something and scratching the back of his neck. When he laughed, little crinkles formed around his eyes, and something in my tummy went all warm and fluttery.
Mama said those feelings weren't for someone like me. "You're special, Harlow," she'd say, patting my hand like I was still a little boy instead of a grown man of twenty-six. "God made you different, with a pure heart. Those kinds of thoughts would confuse you, honey. Best to just be friends with everybody."
But these feelings didn't seem confusing when they happened. They seemed as natural as knowing which way a deer had gone from just a bent blade of grass, or how to calm a spooked horse with nothing but my voice. The confusion only came after, when I tried to match up what I felt with what Mama said was right.
I watched Deputy Dan shake Mr. Jenkins' hand and move on to the next booth. He was carrying a paper cup of coffee, and his badge caught the morning sunlight, sending little flashes of brightness across the market.
I knew I wasn't smart like other folks. Numbers jumbled in my head and reading gave me headaches something fierce. When people talked too fast or used big words, my brain felt like it was swimming in molasses.
But I knew other things. I could tell when rain was coming three days early just from how the air smelled. I could track any animal through the woods around our property, even in the dark. And I understood what animals needed without them making a sound. Doc Miller said I had a gift with the sick animals at his clinic, said I could calm them better than any medicine he had.
Knox said everybody had different smarts. That made sense to me. Seemed like maybe understanding animals was my kind of smart.
Deputy Dan moved closer to where I was hiding. The sun hit his hair just right, turning the brown into something richer, with streaks of gold I hadn't noticed before. His uniform shirt pulled a little across his shoulders when he reached up to accept a bag of apples from another vendor. He had nice shoulders, strong but not bulky like mine. I was bigger than most everyone in town, which Mama said was God's way of making up for what I lacked in brain smarts.
A feeling spread through my chest, warm and bright like I'd swallowed a piece of sunshine. It made me want to smile and cry at the same time. It felt good, but scary too, because Mama would be so disappointed if she knew. She didn't like it when Knox started bringing Newt around to family dinners neither, but that was different somehow. Knox was smart in the normal way. He could have anybody he wanted.
"Those feelings aren't appropriate for you, Harlow," Mama had said when she caught me watching Deputy Dan at church last month. "You need someone to take care of you, not... that kind of relationship."
I didn't understand why it was okay for Knox to have Newt, but not okay for me to like looking at Deputy Dan. It made my head hurt trying to figure it out, and when myhead hurt, sometimes I said the wrong things and made folks uncomfortable.
Deputy Dan was only about twenty feet away now. If I stood up, he'd see me for sure. Part of me wanted that. Part of me thought maybe he'd smile that smile that made his eyes warm up, and he'd say "Morning, Harlow" in that voice that wasn't too loud or too fast. But another part remembered Mama's words and the disappointed way her mouth turned down when she talked about "inappropriate feelings."
I stayed put, watching as Deputy Dan checked his watch and then headed toward Rosie's Bakery booth. The sunshine feeling in my chest didn't go away, even though I knew it should. It felt too nice to wish gone, like finding the first strawberries of the season or hearing the creek thaw after a long winter.
Maybe it wasn't wrong to just feel it, even if I never did anything about it. Maybe it was okay to keep this one small happiness for myself, hidden behind produce stands and careful not to show. I wasn't supposed to have these feelings, but they sure were pretty ones.
* * * *
Last Tuesday at Doc Miller's clinic was when things got real complicated in my head. I was mopping the floors like I did every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon, making sure to get in all the corners where dust liked to hide. Doc Miller said I was the best cleaner he ever had because I didn't rush and didn't miss spots.
I was humming a little tune to myself, just me and the animals in their cages keeping each other company, when the front door banged open so hard it made the little bell nearly fly off its hook.
I turned around, mop still dripping in my hands, and there was Deputy Dan, looking all worried and out of breath. He was holding something small and trembling against his chest. His uniform was rumpled like he'd been crawling around somewhere, and there was dirt smudged across one knee.
"Is Doc Miller in?" he asked, his voice sounding tight. "Found this little guy by the side of the road near Founder's Park. Something's wrong with his paw. He won't put it down."
In his arms was the tiniest black and white puppy I'd ever seen, couldn't have been more than six weeks old. Its little body was shaking something fierce, and it was making high whimpering sounds that cut straight through to my heart.
