“You must have been lonely.” There was a regretful note in his voice.
“Yes and no.” She didn’t usually talk about those times with anyone outside her support group. And when she gave speeches about her battle with a stalker, she tended to focus on the trauma of the attack, not the isolation of being away from friends and a traditional support system. “I missed friendships, but I was also grateful for the support I had in my brother. If I hadn’t been able to leave Heartache, I don’t know what I would have done.”
“I would have been there for you.” The vehemence behind the words surprised her. He shifted in his seat, the vinyl creaking as he moved. “I hope you know that. Iconsidered you the best friend I had in town besides Sam Reyes.”
The news warmed her insides.
“I didn’t know.” Her voice betrayed a hint of her emotions, the words raspy and heartfelt. She wished she had known. It could have made a difference. Maybe. Second-guessing life was tricky, though, especially given how shaky she’d been. “I overdosed in an effort to kill myself after the attack in the woods, Clay. I really did need to get away.”
He swore under his breath. More than once.
“I didn’t know. Hell, Gabby, I’m so sorry.” His hand found her knee. Squeezed gently. “And I’m glad you left town, too, if that’s what you needed. Thank God you’re okay.”
She allowed the comfort of that touch to sink in as she drove. Let herself feel the warmth of it. The caring. For too long, she’d let her memories of Clayton get tangled up in the attack, her online conversations with the man she’d thought was Clay clouding her perspective on the friendship they’d shared.
Seeing him again helped her to detangle it all. More important, being around him made her realize her feelings for Clay back then hadn’t been one-sided. He’d cared about her.
And from the feel of his touch right now, she would say he cared about her still. The idea tripped over her, unsettling and enticing at the same time. To a certain extent, she felt like she knew Clayton well based on the experiences they’d shared as teens. They’d both been abandoned in different ways by their parents. That shared experience had bonded them fast—a bond she’d trusted so much she hadn’t been afraid to meet him in the woods alone.
Yet there were new factors complicating any kind of friendship—or more—with Clay. She didn’t understand the man he’d become, for one thing.
“Zach and Sam and I didn’t go far for the first couple of weeks after we left Heartache.” She’d wanted to get as far from home as possible, but Zach wouldn’t hear of it until he had a plan. “My brother had a lot to arrange with my mother to make sure she wasn’t going to worry about us or report us missing. Plus, we needed to have enough money to get us started. Our birth certificates. All the right paperwork.”
She’d been in no shape to help, letting Zach and Sam figure everything out while she sat by the river day after day near the campsite where they slept for the next week and a half. “Finally, when Zach said it was time for us to leave for good, he arranged a time for me to go back to the house and get some personal things when my mother wasn’t around since he was afraid I’d lose my nerve to leave if I started again with another round of goodbyes. Anyway, I made a beeline for the medicine cabinet.”
A pothole in the road jarred the car, the thump reverberating through her while the traffic around them increased.
She’d been overwhelmed with guilt about everything Zach and Sam were giving up for her sake. She’d been too deep in her own problems to understand how much more damage it would do to everyone around her when she took those pills.
“How long before someone found you?” He still hadn’t moved his hand away from her knee.
She wondered if he took as much comfort from that simple connection as she did.
“Less than an hour, I think. I just lay down on my bedand waited for it all to be over.” What a fool she’d been. “I abdicated all responsibility, letting my brother rush me to the hospital to have my stomach pumped.”
“You were young, Gabby. You were dealing with far more than most adults ever have to manage in their lifetime.” He glanced over at her. “I’m surprised the hospital would have released you into your brother’s care.” He pointed to another exit. “I think that’s the road we want for the courthouse.”
Startled at how easily she’d been distracted by Clay, she put her blinker on. They were almost there. Butterflies started in her stomach at the thought of stepping into the courtroom.
“My mother did show up at the hospital for checkout. But by then, she knew the plan and seemed comfortable with us leaving town, so…” She shrugged, unwilling to make today all about her. “Without us at home, my mom was able to leave Heartache and move to Kansas where my father was imprisoned. She’s happier being close to him, so she let us go.”
Her life had plummeted from being the daughter of a well-to-do businessman and his proud wife, to being the unwanted child of a convict and a woman who had no interest in raising kids alone.
“Damn. That’s cold. Guess there’s more than one way to check out on your family, isn’t there?” He pulled his hand away from her knee as they turned off the exit. “I thought my parents were bad with the alcoholism and neglect. But your mom bowed out of parenting, too, didn’t she?”
“Pretty much.” Gabby turned up the volume on the car’s navigation system to make sure she didn’t miss the turns for the courthouse again.
“Can I ask you something personal?” Clay cast a sidelong glance her way.
She could feel his eyes on her even as she kept her attention fixed on the road. Traffic was even heavier near the courthouse. The case had attracted attention all over the state.
“I guess.” She wasn’t sure how personal she wanted to get right before she stepped into the courtroom to face Jeremy Covington again. But she’d already confided some of her most closely guarded secrets in an effort to clean the slate of the past.
“How did you move past that hurdle and find a way to forgive your mom?” He went quiet for a moment before adding, “It’s not that I’m trying to put you on the spot, Gabby. I just thought maybe your answer would help me as I try to face my father again when I’m still so damn resentful of the old bastard.”
She wanted to say that her mother was nothing like his father. Mom hadn’t abused her. But then again, who knows what might have happened if it hadn’t been for Zach finding Gabriella the day she’d overdosed? She knew her mother wouldn’t have knocked on her door that night. And maybe not the next day, either. There were so many different kinds of abuse. She saw that more as an adult than she had then.
“I’m not sure I’m the best person to ask,” she admitted, pulling into a parking spot at the back of the courthouse lot. “I never blamed my mother for the turns my life took. So I never felt like I needed to forgive her.”
