When I finally swung my leg over the bike, my muscles protested from being held too tight for too long.I paced across the courtyard, unable to stand still.
What bothered me wasn’t what I’d done or what I’d considered doing to Rat Man.It was how badly I’d wanted to do it.How the thought of Rat Man threatening Ada had broken something loose inside me that I’d kept carefully locked away.
I hadn’t felt protective of anything in… well, ever.Had nothing worth protecting.Now suddenly I had this woman under my skin, making me act like a wild animal defending its territory.
“You good?”I turned to find Knuckles watching me from the doorway of the clubhouse, arms crossed over his chest.His face gave nothing away, but his eyes held a knowing look that made me uncomfortable.Like he could see straight through me.
I didn’t answer.Just nodded once, sharply.
“Heard what went down on the highway.”Knuckles stepped out into the courtyard.“Quick thinking.”
“Would’ve been quicker if I’d put him down permanently.”
Knuckles made a noncommittal sound.“Maybe.But you made the right call coming back instead.”
I glanced toward the clubhouse.“They inside?”
“Knight’s giving everyone the rundown.Ada’s with him.”Knuckles studied me for a long moment.“Seen the look on your face on several of the guys in Kiss of Death.Including myself.”
“What look?”
“Like you’d burn the world down to keep something safe.”He let that hang in the air between us.
I looked away, unwilling to acknowledge what he was getting at.“Just tryin’ to help.I had a bad feelin’ somethin’ was gonna happen.”
“Right.”Knuckles didn’t push it.Just nodded toward the clubhouse door.“Let’s hear what Knight’s got to say.”
Inside, Knight stood at the center of a circle of patched members, gesturing as he spoke.Ada stood just behind his right shoulder.Her eyes found mine the moment I entered, something unreadable flickering across her face.My step faltered slightly before I regained control.
“Jag took him out before he could get close enough to do anything,” Knight was saying.“Clipped his front wheel, sent him into the ditch.”
“But not permanently,” Gunnar interjected, his voice tight with anger.
Knight shook his head.“It was more important to get Ada to safety than take out that bastard.If he’s not dead, we’ll get him.”
My eyes stayed locked on Ada.She looked pale but composed, no hint of the fear most people would show after nearly being ambushed on the highway.Sure, she was nervous, but instead of falling apart, she watched the men with a calm intensity that surprised me.When she noticed me watching her, she didn’t look away.Just held my gaze across the room, something like understanding passing between us.
The discussion continued but I barely heard it.The rush in my ears drowned out everything except the occasional glance Ada sent my way.
When Knight finished, I approached him directly.“I’ll take first watch over Ada,” I said, not asking permission.
Knight hesitated, his protective brother instincts apparently pinging all over the Goddamned place.No one else in the compound had as much reason to hate Rat Man as I did, except Gunnar.No one else would be as vigilant.
“Fine,” he finally agreed.“But Tiny relieves you in eight hours.”
I nodded once and turned away, but not before catching the slight smile that curved Ada’s lips.I stayed with Gunnar and Knight while they talked through whatever plan they were working on.I didn’t care.My only concern was staying close to Ada and having her back, no matter if I was officially guarding her or not.I kept my distance, not crowding her as Hannah and Pippa walked Ada to her room.They said their good nights, then once Ada had shut the door, headed back down the hall.Both women smiled as they passed and I knew they could read me easily.If they disapproved of my interest in their friend, neither of them warned me off.
Night fell over the compound, darkness settling into corners and shadows lengthening across walkways.I positioned myself outside Ada’s quarters, back against the wall beside her door, legs stretched out in front of me.From here, I could see both stairwells and the fire escape.No one would get to her without coming through me first.And I was the very last line of defense.By the time any threat got to me, I’d have ample warning.
What was happening to me?I’d spent nearly four decades building walls around whatever remained of my soul.Learned to feel nothing because emotions led to weakness, and weakness got you killed.Now this woman had somehow slipped past every defense I’d constructed with nothing more than a smile.
I was supposed to be protecting her.Instead, I felt more vulnerable than I had since the day those prison gates first closed behind me.
The door beside me opened.I got to my feet and faced the door.Ada looked at me.She stood there barefoot and wearing what looked like sleep clothes.Her hair fell loose around her shoulders.She didn’t seem surprised to find me there.Just looked directly into my eyes, neither smiling nor frowning.
The hallway light illuminated half her face, leaving the other half in shadow.We stared at each other, neither speaking.What could I say?That I’d nearly gone back to kill a man today because he threatened her?That I was terrified of the feelings clawing their way through my chest?That I didn’t know how to want something as badly as I wanted her?
She didn’t ask why I was there.Didn’t need to.The way she looked at me said she understood exactly what I was doing outside her door and it had nothing to do with simply protecting her from a threat that could in no way get this far inside the Kiss of Death MC compound.
