He raises a brow, and I can see that he’s about to try to change my mind. We both know that we will be watched if westay in the square, which is exactly why he doesn’t want to stay here.
I won’t change my mind, though. “Take it or leave it, Jake.”
He raises his hands in surrender and rolls his eyes like I’m being unreasonable. “Okay, a walk around the town square it is.”
He uses that tone of voice that became very familiar to me, where he agrees but puts emphasis on his words to make out it’s the wrong idea. That he’s only agreeing because it’s me. It’s mocking, disrespectful. How did I never see any of this before?
Frustrated to my core, I turn away so he can’t see my expression. I won’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he’s getting to me. Walking away from him and to the back of the bakery, I realise someone is following close behind and glance over my shoulder. It’s Sue, looking anxious.
“Are you sure about this?” she asks me, concern lining her face. “One of us can come with you if you like.”
A smile at her warmly and give her a quick hug, appreciating her more than I could ever express. “It’s okay,” I assure her. “I’m not going far.”
Quickly heading into the back, I take off my apron and grab my coat. Really, I’m just going through the motions, as my mind is caught up on what exactly Jake wants to talk to me about. It’s spinning with all the possibilities and none of them are good. Unease makes my stomach twist, and I press my hand to my abdomen in an attempt to relieve the sensation. I wish the guys were here. I’d even take Elliot’s presence over Jake’s.
I decide to give myself some time in the darkness of the staff room, partially because I want to make him wait, but also to try to soothe my nerves. When I do finally meet him on the customer side of the counter, I gesture towards the door, not bothering with any small talk. As soon as we are outside , I start to walk and clear my throat, knowing that he will follow. If I onlyknew one thing about Jake, it would be that he hates to be left behind. How ironic that he did exactly that to me.
“Why are you here, Jake?”
He appears at my side, matching my pace, and seems surprised at my direct approach. That’s probably because when we were together, I would always defer to him, and that’s exactly how he liked it. I imagine he thought I would still be waiting around and pining after him, and the fact that I’m not has him stumped. Good, I’m glad I’ve thrown him off. He needs to know that he can’t easily push me around anymore.
His brows shoot high but he quickly smooths his expression and smiles at me in a way that always used to make me melt. “I told you in the bakery, I came here to see you.”
Unluckily for him, that doesn’t work for me anymore. His smile is nothing compared to Clay’s wicked grin and dark devotion, or Bear’s smile that lights the room and constant positive energy. I may not see it often, but even Elliot’s smile is blinding compared to Jake’s. Or perhaps I can just see through it now.
Raising my eyebrows, I nod slowly. “Well, you’ve seen me now. When are you leaving?”
Okay, so perhaps I come off a little harsh with my comment, but I don’t have the mental capacity to deal with his shit right now, not when I’m worried about my relationship with the guys. Besides, the quicker he gets this over with, the quicker he can leave and I can return to my life.
He stops walking, his brows raising high in pure disappointment. “What happened to you?” The accusation is sharp and once would cut me to the bone. Any of his criticisms I would take to heart and let his mood dictate my day. Now, though, I realise that this is a way of him disguising his anger. He is furious that I’m not reacting in the way he wants. Crossing his arms over his chest, his expression softens into a look of pity.“It must have been really hard without me. You’ve changed since I’ve been gone.”
Ugh. Is he serious right now?I actually feel physically disgusted being this close to him. I have no idea how I put up with him for so long. Was my self-esteem really so low? I start to feel anger at myself, for allowing him to treat me like this, but a sudden thought hits me. No, if I beat myself up then he is winning. It’s difficult, but I need to allow myself a modicum of kindness. It’s so easy to look back and think how you would do something differently, but I did the best I could at the time. I’m not sure why it’s taken me this long to come to this conclusion, but if I want to fully heal everything that happened before, then I need to learn to forgive myself. To love myself.
All of this happens in my mind in the space of a heartbeat, and I find myself chuckling quietly, meeting his questioning gaze. “A lot has changed since you’ve been gone.” This is an understatement of drastic proportions, but he doesn’t need to know that. “Seriously, though Jake, why are you here? I thought you left to have a great new life in the big city?”
He chuckles ruefully, reaching up and rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “I don’t think big city life is quite what I was expecting.” He pauses and glances at the ground. Something has changed about him, too, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. Shuffling his weight from foot to foot, he lifts his head and meets my gaze. “I think I made a mistake in leaving you behind.”
My mind is suddenly silent. The chaotic clamour of my thoughts dissolves with my disbelief, metaphorical tumbleweed blowing through my skull. There was once a time when I dreamed of him coming back for me and saying this, but now I’m only horrified. “What do you mean? I thought you had a contract with a band?”
He actually looks… bashful. An emotion I don’t think I even knew he was capable of. “We decided to go in differentdirections. Artistic differences, you know?” He waves it off like it was nothing, trying to claw back his composure.
“You got fired.” I bark out a laugh. After his dramatic exit and promise that he would never return to Hinton Grove, here he is. I can’t believe it. The irony of it is insane. Crossing my arms over my chest, I pin him with a pointed look. “Now you’ve come crawling back here and thought I’d welcome you back with open arms?”
“What is wrong with you, Holly? I thought you’d be glad I was here.” He has the gall to look hurt, wounded by my words, but I know better. It’s all an act.
“I told you, a lot has changed.” I want to say more, to tell him about the guys and that I have never been happier, but I know that will only inflame the situation, so I stand my ground and hold my tongue.
“What could possibly have changed in that time to make you so different?” He is looking at me like I’m a stranger and he’s never seen me before. Perhaps this is the first time he’s ever seen me properly. Slowly, a look of realisation transforms his face into something mean and twisted. “You think you’re better than me, don’t you?”
Here we go. This is a chip on his shoulder he’s carried with him ever since we were kids and something that he always comes back to. He believes that others always think they’re better than him and he has to prove otherwise. In actuality, it’s the other way around and his inflated sense of ego drives this need he has to be seen and appreciated. He’s always carried this obsession and feels the need to rub his successes in other people’s faces to try to elevate himself. It turns out, though, that nobody actually cares what he does or doesn’t do, only that he treats them with respect. I’ve seen him throw out this accusation many times; I just never thought he’d use it on me.
“It’s not about who is better,” I finally snap, letting all of the feelings that I buried down finally rise up and have a voice. He hasn’t changed a bit. “It’s about the fact that when you left me here, you destroyed me. You could have just left, but you had to make sure that there was nothing left of me for anybody else.” My voice breaks as I speak, but I keep going, determined that he hears what he did to me. Tears sting my eyes but I won’t let them fall. “Was it necessary for you to say all those things to me? Did it make you feel more of a man to point out I was overweight? That I was never going to make anything of myself in this town? That no one would ever love me?” I keep eye contact with him the entire time I speak, so I can see his expression changing. Hearing my words aloud has done something to him. Is he finally realising how out of order his behaviour was?
Lowering his gaze, he glances off over my shoulder, unable to take my direct stare any longer. “I may have said some things–”
“Look, I don’t care anymore.” I hold my hand up in a stop motion as I cut him off, not letting him even finish his excuse. “That was then, this is now. Our relationship is over and nothing will change that.”
His eyes narrow and his face takes on a look that I know well as he prepares to try to manipulate me. “Some of those things I said were nasty, I admit that. However, you’re never going to find anyone better for you than me.”
