The no connection tone sounds almost mocking as I pull my phone from my ear and glare down at the screen accusingly. Frustration and fear reach peak levels inside me, and I throw my phone onto the sofa with a strange high-pitch whining noise.
Neither Bear nor Clay are picking up their phones and it’s driving me crazy. I don’t know if their phones are off, or if they are out of service range, but my intrusive thoughts are telling me that they know about the kiss with Elliot and they hate me for it. It’s unusual that I can’t get hold of one of them, but both of them? Something’s up.
As soon as Elliot fled the scene, I practically ran back to my apartment and immediately tried to call Bear. When the phone didn’t connect, I tried Clay, only to get the same result. It’s been several hours since I first got back, and I still can’t get hold of them. The rug in my living room is going to be worn down on one side from where I’ve been pacing, attempting to keep my spiralling thoughts under control.
Out of the two of them, Clay is the one I’m most worried about. It’s taken a lot to build a relationship that is open andfull of trust, so for this to now happen with Elliot – I don’t know how it’s going to make him react. Will they feel betrayed? Elliot kissed me, so why am I winding myself up about it so much? He’s the one who crossed the line. We don’t like each other, and I certainly don’t want him, so it will never happen again.
Then why did I kiss him back?
Who am I kidding? I’ve wanted Elliot since the moment I met him, and not just because he’s gorgeous. That might be how it started, but I quickly realised I felt a pull towards him, similar to the connections I share with his brothers. We clashed on our first meeting, and I decided that these feelings were actually dislike. The more we denied each other, the stronger those feelings grew. If I had been honest with myself, then I would have been able to see that there was longing there, disguised as frustration. Throughout this all, that pull towards him never disappeared, which only made me more frustrated. I can see now they weren’t dislike, but a complex mix of jealousy, fear and wanting.
That doesn’t mean that he can automatically slide into my relationship with his brothers, though. I don’t even know if that’s what he wants. He kissed me and then disappeared. One kiss isn’t a declaration of love. For all I know, he just wants me physically, and although those thoughts hurt, I would understand if that’s what this is.
Hell, I don’t even know whatIwant. Do I want a relationship with him? Especially after how he’s treated me the last few weeks. Having two boyfriends is difficult enough to manage, but adding a third? That could be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Bear, Clay and I have worked hard to create a stable relationship, and I get the feeling that adding Elliot is going to be anything but stable. It’s not as easy as that, though. We are in a relationship, and just because there are two guys involved, that doesn’t mean we can just add more people when we feel like it.
Groaning, I press my hand against my eyes, my head pounding. I’m jumping ahead and getting myself worked up. I’m so worried about how this will all affect Bear and Clay that I can feel my headache turning into a migraine.
Reaching across, I pick up my phone once more and stare at the blank screen. No messages. I’m pretty sure I already know what’s going to happen, but I try to dial Bear’s number again.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
The no connection tone reaches me immediately.
What have I done?
The pain in my head is making it impossible for me to focus. I feel sick and the light feels like needles piercing my eyes. I need to lie down, so I drag myself to my bedroom, pull the curtains and practically fall down into bed. Thankfully I have some pain relief on my bedside table, so I swallow a couple and pull the blankets over my head. Closing my eyes, I know I will feel better when the migraine is gone and I can think clearly. However, for now, I can’t stop the tears that roll down my cheeks.
Potteringaround the back of the bakery, I quietly go about my morning tasks. It’s around eleven and the morning rush has ended, giving me time to experiment with some new recipes. This is usually my favourite part of my day, yet I feel sombre as I mix together my ingredients.
The migraine yesterday took me out, rendering me limp and useless for the rest of the day and through the night. Thankfully, it was gone this morning but it has left behind an echo of the pain. I feel delicate, my stomach still a little woozy and my head full. However, I’m pretty sure the fact I still can’t get hold of my boyfriends is only adding to that. When I call, my phone won’tconnect, and when I went around to the gym this morning, it was all locked up and nobody answered the door. I even tried calling Elliot but only reached his voicemail. At this point, I’m starting to think that there may be more afoot than just my kiss with their brother, and I’m starting to get really concerned. My thoughts are spiralling and I’m thinking of all the awful things that might have happened to stop them from even sending me a text message.
Perhaps Elliot told them what happened and the three of them have decided they want nothing to do with me. They might think I’m too much hassle, coming between them. What if they never come back to Hinton Grove?
My chest feels tight and I can feel panic start to take hold of my body, strangling me of all hope. Sweat beads on my brow, but I feel cold, a chill tingling down my spine. Paranoia is whispering in my ear, telling me that everyone in the bakery is watching me, that they know what’s happening.
I need to get out of here, away from the bright lights and the attention, before I completely lose my mind. Putting down my bowl smoothly, I walk from the bakery and out into the office at the back, forcing myself to keep my steps even and not bring attention to myself.
Stepping into the office, I don’t even bother to turn the light on, shutting the door behind me and leaning against it. Taking several deep breaths, I try to calm down, talking myself through some of the mindful breathing exercises I saw recommended on the TV this morning. Shutting out everything else, I focus on the task, imagining sides of a square that I draw in my mind with each breath.
I do actually feel a little calmer. At least, it doesn't feel like the world is about to fall around me any longer, which is a plus. I just wish I knew–
My phone rings and I whip it from my back pocket, all prior thoughts of calm vanishing, and I quickly accept the call as Clay’s name flashes up on the screen.
“Clay! Oh my God, are you okay? I’ve been trying to get hold of you and Bear since yesterday. What’s going on? Where are you?” My words come out in a rush, breaking with the force of my emotions, not leaving time for him to answer any of the questions I ask before moving onto the next. “I’ve been so worried.”
I want to cry with relief, to burst into tears, as all of my fear and panic from the last 24 hours swells up within me and is finally released.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay, Angel. We’re okay. Take a deep breath,” Clay’s deep, soothing voice instructs, instantly knowing what I need from him and taking over the situation. I feel better just hearing his voice, the connection between us, warm in my chest, reminding me it’s still there. They’re alive and they’re okay. Whatever comes next, I can deal with it.
“I told you we should’ve come back last night.” Clay’s comment is aimed away from the speaker not said towards me, so I get the impression he’s talking to somebody else. Bear, most likely. Clay is pissed off, that much is clear, his voice changing from comforting to angry in a heartbeat. I hear the rumble of another male voice in the background, followed by Clay’s gruff sigh.
“I’m going to pass you over to Bear. He wants to speak to you.” I can hear his reluctance to hand the phone over, and honestly after how worried I have been, I want to hear more of him. But the affection I can feel radiating through the line reassures me. “I love you, Holly. I’ll be back soon.”
I’m going to hold him to that promise, and I keep the knowledge close to my chest as I hear him pass the phone to someone else.
“Keep it quick. The faster we are done here, the faster we can get back home to Holly.”
For a second I think Clay is talking to me, but his voice sounds far away, and I realise that he’s talking to Bear. From the sound of things, he’s lost all patience with whatever they’re doing, his instructions leaving no room for argument. He is being kept from me, and that’s not something he’s willing to accept for much longer.
