“You’ve been ignoring me,” he finally responds. “I take it that means you’re choosing Bear?” The statement is concrete and with no room for any other possibilities. In his mind, me not replying means that I want nothing to do with him.
This is the absolute opposite of the truth and I need him to understand this. Closing the gap between us, I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck, our bodies pressed together.
“I’ve not chosen anyone,” I promise, my voice soft as I scan his face. I hate seeing how despondent he is and knowing that I am the reason behind it. “I’m working on a complicated order today and needed to focus. My phone has been on mute. I’ve not replied to anyone.” His body softens slightly against me and I feel his arms wrap around my lower back. Frowning softly, I take in the tension still written across his face. “Why was it so easy for you to accept that I had rejected you? I didn’t reply to a message for a couple of hours, and you assumed that I didn’t want you? I thought we had the best date last night.”
I want to understand him better, but I also need him to realise that my business is important to me and there will be times when I have to put my focus a hundred percent on that.
Clay huffs out a deep sigh that sounds more like a growl and leans down to press a kiss against my lips. “It was the best night of my life,” he murmurs against my lips, ending the kiss too quickly. “You are too perfect for me, Holly, and I know Bear would be the perfect partner for you, so I just assumed…”
My heart constricts. He doesn’t think he’s good enough. He and Bear are the opposite of each other, but I didn’t realise thatClay had such a low estimation of himself. I don’t know what to say to him in response, but I have a way I can show him exactly how I feel.
Standing on the tip of my toes, I reach up and kiss him with all of the pent-up passion and feelings I have for him that cannot be verbalised. Sometimes actions are louder than words. I take the lead this time, my lips firm and tongue seeking entrance. He tries to take over, but I make a noise in the back of my throat and bite down on his lip. He chuckles deeply in response, his hands on my lower back pulling me closer so we are flush against each other.
I don’t know how long we stay like this for – it could be seconds, it could be hours, my whole sense of time disappearing. When we are together like this, he becomes my entire world. Slowly, though, I become aware that we aren’t alone, and I remember that we are on display in the middle of town where anyone can see us.
Our kiss comes to a natural end and I slowly untangle myself from his hold. I don’t go far, taking his hand in mine and leaning against the tree trunk beside him. We say nothing, communicating with soft looks and the gentle brush of his thumb over the back of my hand. I can feel him looking at me, so I turn my head towards him. The tree that I’m leaning up against is the only thing keeping me upright, the look in his eyes blowing me away.
When he looks at me like this, I can believe that I am his entire world, his obsession and his cure all in one. He would move mountains for me and burn down the world should I ask for it. It’s intense, but I find myself falling.
“When are you going to tell Bear?”
His question takes me by surprise, and it takes me a moment for my brain to register what he’s asking. What is it he wants me to tell Bear? Is he referring to the fact he and I had sex last night?I wasn’t specifically going to mention it, but if Bear asks, I will tell the truth.
Twisting so I’m facing him head-on, I tilt my head to one side questioningly. “Tell him what?”
Now Clay is frowning at me, and I start to get an uncomfortable feeling in my gut.
“That we are together.” There’s no question in his voice; he is firm in his belief that we are now an item.
Woah, I’ve missed something here. He went from thinking I’ve rejected him to believing we’re a couple in one conversation. I wrack my brain for anything I said which could have been misunderstood, but I’m at a complete loss.
“Wait.” I shake my head like I can rid myself of the confusion. It doesn’t work. Reaching out, I place a hand on his arm, needing him to explain this to me. “What is going on here?”
“You just told me that you weren’t rejecting me, which means you’re rejecting Bear. Right?” There is a heavy pause and when I don’t answer, his frustration becomes apparent. “Holly, I told you last night that everything would change, and you agreed.”
Shit.This is not a conversation I want to be having. There has clearly been some miscommunication somewhere, especially around his comment last night.
“Yes, I agreed because everything is changing for me! Last night was the first time I have fully considered entering a relationship after the last disastrous one,” I attempt to explain. Although I’m trying not to come off as defensive, my voice sounds that way, only flustering me even more. “I didn’t realise that you meant that us having sex would bind us together in a relationship. I’m still trying to decide what I want.”
I wince as I say it, the words sounding selfish and indulgent out loud. However, every word is true.
“I’m still healing from my last relationship, and I get the feeling that anything with you will be intense. I don’t want to getinto that if I can’t give you what you need.” Squeezing his arm, I need him to hear the honesty in my voice. This isn’t an excuse. I want him, but I am still a broken mess. “I want to keep seeing you, but I also have feelings for Bear that I can’t deny.”
Clay pulls away, putting distance between us. Each step he takes feels like a mile, my heart yearning for him to come back. It’s stupid and dramatic to think this way about a guy I’ve only just started to know, but I can’t seem to stop myself. I can’t help but notice that even though he’s put distance between us, he’s clenching his fists, his body straining as though holding himself back. Does he feel the same?
“Holly, I’m not a fucking sex toy. I fucked you last night because we have a connection. I want you, and I’m a possessive asshole. I won’t share you.”
He thinks I’m using him for sex – is that what he’s trying to get at? Because that is not the case. Maybe I was naive to think I could date two guys with no strings and see what happened. Communication is key, and somewhere, that has broken down.I won’t share you. The meaning is pretty clear behind that: Clay is going to make me choose.
Clay’s voice echoes around the town square and we’re attracting attention. Fuck it, let the town gossip. I can’t leave knowing that Clay is hurting, especially as I am behind it.
“Holly, Clay – is everything okay?” Bear’s voice rings out from across the square, and I look up to see him walking over with a frown.
Oh no.Of course he would choose now to come over. I love that he wants to help, my traitorous heart fluttering at the sight of him, but I know that him being here is only going to inflame the situation.
“Ah, brother. Just in time,” Clay drawls, sarcasm dripping from his words. “Our dear Holly is just choosing between us.”
TWENTY-TWO
