I can’t see where Joey has disappeared to and I’m starting to get suspicious that his ‘something stronger’ is drugs. I need to find a discreet way of leaving this party before he gets back, because there is no way in hell I’m going to be around drugs. My mother was a hard lesson to learn but, boy, did I learn it.
I’m pooling the energy to get up and leave when Harlow and three other girls sit down around me. They’re all in tiny dresses, high shoes, and shivering like crazy. I groan and level her with a look. “Well, you’re clearly better at this than we originally gave you credit! Bagging Joey as your first Hannaford fuck.”
Harlow is a tall girl, she has a good foot on me, and I know she enjoys playing basketball, but I’m sure that even with half a bottle of spirits under my belt I could beat her in a fight.
“I’m not fucking him.”
The tinkling sounds of their giggles makes me clench my jaw. It’s so fake and grates on me something wicked. “We all know he brought you here. He wouldn’t do that unless he wanted something in return.”
“He can want all he likes. That doesn’t mean I’m going to sleep with him.”
One of the girls, a platinum blonde with fire-engine red lips, leans in toward me, and I can smell the whiskey on her breath. “His family is richer than god. Why wouldn’t you fuck him? Maybe your Mounty cunt will bewitch him, and you’ll never have to worry about who’s paying for your clothes and shoes again.”
Clothes and shoes. Yep, that’s my biggest concern. I roll my eyes at her and stand up. Harlow’s hand shoots out, and she grabs my wrist hard. I freeze and look down my nose at her.
“Don’t fall for him, Mounty. Don’t you even try and get your claws into him.” Her voice is dark as she stakes her claim on him. I shake her off, and then walk off in the direction of the school to the sounds of their tittering. I don’t see Joey, but that suits me just fine. I’d be able to tell him I got cold and bailed tomorrow.
I can hear the sounds of students having sex as I stumble out of the clearing. It’s such a cliché, these kids could sneak into each others’ rooms, but instead they’re out here freezing their asses off to get laid instead. I try not to look at any of them closely, since I have no interest in anyone's sex life, but as I get to the edge of the woods I look up… and make eye contact with Harley.
He's leaning against a tree.
There's a girl kneeling at his feet, her head bobbing as she sucks his dick.
I freeze. I can't look away, and Harley doesn't break the eye contact either. He doesn't look shocked to see me or embarrassed. He looks blissed out and smug as the girl goes to town on him. I can't see who it is, and I'm glad. My skin feels all hot and prickly. I'm jealous.
I guess I really am broken.
Harley quirks an eyebrow at me, but he doesn't call out to me or wave me off. He just stares at me. I can feel my face heating up and beads of sweat forming on my forehead despite the brisk breeze. Why can't I leave? I shouldn't be standing here watching this! But my traitorous body won't move. I begin to pant as a loud moan rips out of Harley's chest, and then he shudders as he starts to come. His hand digs into the girl’s hair and he pulls her head back. I can see the thick white streams of his come as it coats her face. He finally shuts his eyes, and I can move away.
I bolt for the school.
* * *
Iget as far as the light horseman statue at the front of the school before I hear Joey call out to me. I curse under my breath as I turn around, and I'm still shaking from watching Harley…finish.Jesus fucking wept.
“Hey! The party has barely started. Don’t bail on me now, Mounty!” Joey’s voice is strange, hyper and excited like I’ve never heard it before. His sleeves are pushed up around his elbows so I can check for track marks, and I’m relieved to see none. It doesn’t mean he’s not smoking something, but at least he wasn’t injecting heroin. I feel relieved for a second before I remember that my mom used to inject between her toes so her boss wouldn’t find out, and then I’m looking at his shoes to see if they look messed with. I don’t care about him at all, I just hate drugs so much that I need to know if he’s using. If he is, I’m going to stop playing this little game of ours and freeze him out completely.
He catches up to me and throws his arm around my waist, pulling me into his body, and I smell it.
Cocaine.
The good shit too, all sweet and floral and none of the chemical scent that comes with poor product. I’m sure anyone else smelling him would brush it off, but my mom spent a summer dating a cocaine dealer and he would pack his little Ziplock baggies in our living room in the morning before I would head off to school. The second I smell it on Joey, I’m back in that tiny goddamned living room getting yelled at by my mom. I freeze and Joey pulls me into his body tightly. “Come back to my room, we can party there instead,” he murmurs.
I’m going to scrub my neck when I get back to my room, because he just keeps breathing on me. I can feel the tremble in his arms, and I know he's high. I'd never been hugged by my mom without feeling that vibration under her skin. I should leave him, walk off and enjoy my buzz in my room by myself, but stupidly, I feel like I should see him to the safety of his room. I know he would never do the same for me, but that didn't mean I had to stoop to his level, right? One last kind deed for this dickhead, and then I’ll never speak to him again.
“Lead the way.”
I feel him chuckle as the wind drowns out any sound of it. He begins to babble incessantly, but I ignore him.
My mom’s addiction made some sort of sense. She had been a foster kid after my grandparents died in a house fire. She herself had only made it out of the blaze in the nick of time, and half her body was covered in thick scars. She had never been smart or motivated like I am, and she dropped out of school at fourteen. She had worked as a waitress, a dock worker, in the factories, anything she could do to eat and keep some sort of roof over her head. Then she got knocked up and found drugs. I’d never known her sober. The woman I knew was a shaking, cackling, retching, screaming banshee that would beat you if the demons in her head told her to.
Joey’s addiction stemmed from boredom, and that made me so angry. All the privilege in the world, and he decides to snort cocaine instead of making something of himself. I wonder if the twins know what their brother is getting himself into. Is this why they’re so afraid of him? Cocaine usually made people ecstatic and happy, not the deep and cruel violence of other narcotics, but that didn’t mean he was a good person to be around.
We arrive at the boys’ dorms and climb to the juniors’ floor. I wonder if Ash is downstairs or if he, too, was in the woods getting off with some girl. I shake my head at myself. Pathetic. It doesn’t matter what any of those boys are doing. I don’t let myself think about Blaise. Seeing Harley was bad enough.
We stop outside the end room, and Joey shoves the door open. No lock. I’m guessing the other guys know exactly what will happen to them if they dare to enter this room. I push Joey’s arm off my waist, and his hand latches over my wrist.
“Come in, little Mounty girl.”
