It hurt, but it didn't surprise Lena. She had a terrible history of falling for men she couldn't have. Evellor was the perfect example of that. She knew, deep inside, that the Aethari would never be hers. Now, here she was, trapped with a man who wanted to love her and swore she was his destiny. Despite that, even he would never be hers. So, of course, Lena wanted him.
How could she not? Vor worked so hard and sacrificed so much for his people. He had faith in his Source and followed his instincts, if not his heart. And he longed to feel more. That was perhaps what got to Lena the most, went the deepest. His need to feel. When the Aethari united with the Medeans to form Paradefensethe and trap the Nethren underground, they stole the surface from the Nethren and scorned it themselves. By doing so, they also stole the best parts of life. Leaving reason on the ground, the Aethari retreated to the sky to gorge themselves on the most beautiful emotions, becoming overly sensitive. Meanwhile, the Nethren were left to wither away in hate and fury, becoming as reasonable and unfeeling as their machines. How horrible it must be to live without laughter, delight, or love. So, it was Vor's striving for the light that impressed Lena the most—his need to be more than he was, and to bring his people with him.
If only Vor would see Lena as more than a path to his goal. Maybe then, he could achieve his goal of learning to love. And maybe then, Lena could allow herself to love him in return. But until that happened, Lena had to keep a wall around her heart in any way possible. She would scream and fight if she had to, but she would not love a man with no love in his heart.
“Yes.” Lena lifted her head to meet Vor's angry stare. “Maybe you should keep me locked in here. At least then I would understand what I am to you.”
With a frustrated cry, Vor dropped to his knees before Lena and grabbed the back of her head to pull her forward. He stopped an inch from her face and stared at her with eyes gone wide. Lena stared back, her breath as rapid as her heartbeat. She didn't move, not beyond her lips trembling. Vor's gaze dropped to her shivering lips and stayed there. Lena moved without thinking, just a breath forward. It was enough.
Vor covered her lips with his.
The shock of the intimate touch seared through Lena. Vor's lips were soft and moved gently over hers. He didn't demand, even now, when his control lay shattered on the floor. Instead, he teased and seduced, brushing against her as his hand fell to her shoulder. Then the wet heat of the tip of his tongue slid along the seam of her lips. Lena moaned and opened to him.
Vor swept in, and that was the end of control for both of them. His arms went around her waist and pulled her against his hard chest. Her knees spread around him, and she perched on the edge of the chair. Pushing her breasts against Vor, Lena's nipples hardened and began to ache. Lust had never taken her so fully before. She could barely think. Her hands slid into his silky hair and then down to his shoulders to explore the breadth of them.
The back of the chair hit Lena's upper back as Vor pushed her down. He was between her thighs, his body demanding that hers open for him. His feverish hands moved forward on her waist, his thumbs grazing the bottom of her breasts, and the sensations that rolled upward from his touch made her headspin. Lena lifted a leg and hooked it around his back to pull him closer.
Suddenly, Vor shoved back, breaking their kiss, and stared at her, his eyes wide and lips swollen. “Lena, tell me to stop. Tell me now, or I won't.”
The image of Vor naked, standing before her in the bathroom, filled Lena's mind, and she nearly gave in to temptation. But then she thought of Vor's heart, still awakening. Sex would complicate his feelings for her. He was like a child, learning about adult feelings. Vor wasn't ready for the way sex would twist those feelings. And neither was Lena.
“Stop,” she whispered.
Arms shaking, Vor withdrew and sat back on his heels. His breath came ragged and rough, loud enough for her to hear.
“I'm sorry, but I'm not ready.” Lena couldn't tell him she pushed him away for both of them. But she couldn't stop herself from stroking his hair back either.
With a broken cry, Vor bent forward and laid his head in her lap. “I'm sorry.”
“There's nothing to apologize for. You've been a gentleman and stopped when asked.” She stroked his hair. “I'm sorry I can't be what you want.”
Vor lifted his head. “You are exactly what I want, Lena. Not for what you can do, but for who you are. I want to take you to Ranuvul and show you my home. We could visit the underground lake where I learned to swim and walk through the parks. There is so much beauty down there that I've neverappreciated. It would mean so much more to see it fully for the first time with you beside me.”
“Vor, I can't live underground.”
“You won't have to, Lena.” He stroked her cheek. “We will make peace with your people, and then you can show me your world too.”
Lena's heart clenched as Vor's hopes became hers. She wanted to see the underground and show him the surface. But she knew their hopes were impossible, more fantasy than potential. The Medeans and Aethari had spent too many years hating the Nethren to let them up so easily. If peace ever happened, it would take more time than she was willing to wait.
“You are becoming a romantic, Commander Vor.” She took his hand from her face and lowered it to her lap, but she didn't let go of it.
“Romantic,” he tested the word. “Do you like it?”
“I do. It suits you. But it's not enough for me.”
Vor exhaled softly. “I see. And what would be enough, Lena? What can I do to convince you to be mine?”
She was halfway his already, but she couldn't say it. Instead, she kissed his cheek and said, “Be mine first.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Mal
That woman was magic. Lena Drask was a source unto herself. Mal was just as convinced of her importance as his commander. All it had taken was one song. He had vided Ev afterward, and they had talked about things Mal had never talked about with another person. They had talked for hours every day since then. They spoke about the little things. The type of food they liked. What they did when they weren't working. Those sorts of things. Mal told Ev about the underground, and Evellor told Mal things about life in a flying city. It all sounded magical to Mal, as magical as Lena Drask.
It was late, but Mal lay in his bunk unable to sleep. He just stared up at the metal frame above him. He had just finished his latest vid with Evellor, and he felt . . . anxious? Eager? He needed action. These new emotions were confusing, but Mal knew one thing with absolute certainty—he was done with the underground. Done living without Evellor.
Thoughts spun through Mal's mind; plans came to him only to be discarded. Then something real formed. It was simple. He had to get out of the fortress and into Evellor's arms. To do that, he needed to get the ward down. Thanks to the commander debriefing them in the room next to the command room, Malknew where the controls for the ward were. Now, he just needed to get everyone out of the command room so he could use them.
