He frowned. “Did you hear what I said about vibrations?”
“Huh? No, I'm sorry.” Lena looked around the sitting room in the quarters they shared.
Shared. There was another shift in her thinking. Lena no longer saw the rooms as a cage. No, the cage was underground, and her people had trapped Vor's people in it. She didn't blame him for bringing her there anymore. He had done what he had todo to help his people, but he had been as kind and respectful to her as he could.
“Everything has a vibration.” Vor slid over on the couch to give her a little more space. “That's what Tech has taught us. The ward that protects the fortress, for example, uses vibration. Unfortunately, we cannot create wards such as that because it’s Magic that focuses the vibrations to form a shield. But the vibrations are what's important.”
Lena frowned, trying to understand where he was going with this.
“What I'm trying to say is that vibrations affect things. The same type of vibrations that the ward uses to protect us can be used to break glass. It's all about how they're employed. Do you understand?”
“Yes, but what do vibrations have to do with my enhancing you?”
“I think you're special, Lena. Your vibrations heal. I believe your unique frequency calibrates technology, including that within my people. I think it's why you love music. Your voice sends your vibrations forth. It magnifies them and makes them into a tool.”
“But it's through touch that I do the most change.”
“Yes, but singing negates the need for touching. You send your energy forth through your voice as you do through your hands, you see? The frequency you vibrate at adjusts other frequencies. You are a miracle, Lena. But don't overthink it. It doesn't matter why you can do what you do, only that you keep doing it.”
Lena sighed. “And then you'll release me?”
Vor blinked. His lips parted. He swallowed visibly. “Lena, there are so many more people you could help.”
“Right. So, I'm your tool now.” She stood up and went to the window.
Beyond the wall, her sister still waited for an opportunity to save her. Liria should have been celebrating her union with Thaxvarien. Instead, she was in a war camp. For Lena. And Lena was inside the fortress, comfortable and cared for, doing nothing to save herself. Because Lena wasn't sure if she wanted to be saved.
Lena's perspective had changed, and with that change came so many confusing feelings. Desire, longing, hope, despair, guilt. They bombarded Lena. She wanted to help the Nethren, but it felt like a betrayal of her family and her entire race. She wanted to be with Vor, but that would mean giving up everything she knew and loved. Vor said Tech led him to her to help his people. Now that Lena accepted her feelings for him, she also had to accept that his feelings were unreliable. Vor wanted her because the Source of Technology told him to. If she allowed her feelings for him to grow into love, it would be one-sided. Still, she hoped that the changes she made in him would open his heart, while she simultaneously called herself a fool for that hope. But the worst of her emotions was guilt. How could Lena befriend the Nethren when her sister was out there fighting to free her?
Vor was suddenly standing beside her. “Is that what you think? That I only want you for what you can do for my people?”
Lena looked at him.
Vor's lips parted as he sucked in a breath. “You . . . Lena.”
“What, Vor? Are you feeling strange again?”
Vor cursed and looked away. “I don't know what I'm feeling, and you won't explain it to me.”
In the vortex of Lena's emotions, one rose to rule the rest—fury. It was so much easier to be angry than try to make sense of the rest.
“I'm not your path to emotions!” Lena turned her back to him. “And I'm not your caged songbird either!”
Vor made a strange sound, a sort of gasping, wounded inhale. “All right. You don't have to sing. You don't have to shake hands. Will you please just come and sit down with me?”
“No.”
“As you wish, Lena.” Vor sighed and resumed his seat on the couch. He sat there silently for a few minutes while Lena seethed, and then he said, “My parents never held hands. I've never seen them kiss. My mother smiled at me only once, when I became commander. Thinking about it now, I can see her beauty. Back then, I thought nothing of it. I felt very little for her beyond gratitude for my upbringing.”
Lena's chest shivered. She had to blink back tears as she thought of the cold childhood Vor had endured. But he didn't endure it, did he? No, it was worse than that. He was perfectly fine with it; thought it was normal. She turned to look at him. Vor had his forearms braced on his knees and his head bent.
“Your father is out there. He came for you with your sister. He confronted me on your behalf.” Vor looked up and met her gaze. “I understand parental love now. I saw it in him.His expression—determined and desperate, full of fear and fury—haunts me. There is a bond between you and him that I've never known. Before I met you, I would have sneered at it. Now, I mourn my lack of it. I envy you, Lena.”
Lena went to sit in the chair across from him. “I'm sorry.”
“Don't be sorry. You’ve given me insight. You’ve made me stronger, but I'm afraid that loving you will weaken me.”
“Love is not a weakness.”
