“Zucar, are you daft? They have our soldiers, and we have many more of theirs. I'm going to offer them a trade.”
“But that's unnecessary. Our soldiers are as good as dead.”
Vor grabbed the front of Zucar's shirt and yanked him forward. “Would you have me give up on you if you had been one of the taken? Those soldiers we captured are doing us no good. They don't possess the information we need, and Paradefense has shown that they will not hold back their attack to save their own people. They’re only valuable as pawns to trade for our soldiers. Stop being a fool!” He shoved him away.
Zucar looked relieved to have Vor manhandling him again. That alone told Vor that he had veered too far from hisnormal behavior. His soldiers would only take so much before they acted against him. Ironically, he had to mistreat them to ensure their loyalty.
“Get the commander a voice amplifier!” Zucar motioned at his team.
“Yes, sir!” several people said at once and rushed out the door.
“I'm going to escort my guest back to my quarters,” Vor said to Zucar. “I want a list of our Paradefense prisoners and that voice amplifier waiting for me on the wall walk.”
“Yes, Commander!” Zucar saluted him.
Barely restraining himself from shaking his head, Vor went to Lena. “If you would come with me, Lena?”
She nodded and followed him out the door. They spent the walk to their quarters in silence, but as soon as Vor shut the door behind them, she lashed out.
“You're barbaric!”
Vor sighed and went to sit on the couch. “How am I barbaric?”
Lena followed him but didn't sit down. Instead, she stood before him with her hands on her hips. “The way you treated that man. You were going to strangle him, and then you grabbed him—”
“He ordered an attack without my permission,” Vor interrupted. “Because of it, a man died. And Zucar didn't even know the man's name!” Vor rubbed at his chest. There was astrange ache there. “I could have had him whipped. Instead, I gave him a minor punishment, and I did it for you, Lena!”
Lena blinked. Stepped back. “You're a bully.”
“A bully?” He laughed and leaned back to look up at the ceiling. “Maybe I was once, but I've changed.” He lowered his head to meet her gaze. “That's not how I wanted to handle that situation, but it's how a Nethren commander would have. No, actually, a Nethren commander—the old me—would have had Zucar whipped publicly to make an example out of him, and then stripped him of his status.”
Lena gasped.
“That's what everyone in that room expected. They are now unsure of me because of my mercy. But when I saw your horror, it reminded me that I'm not that man anymore.”
“You needed to be reminded that you're different?” she scoffed.
“Yes. I was furious with Zucar because he got our soldiers captured and one of them killed, but also because he put you in danger, Lena. Rage made me forget myself. My emotions took control of me. That alone speaks to the changes in me. That you calmed my rage with a look says even more.” Vor stood but didn't approach her, keeping a foot between them for her comfort. “I would have sent our soldiers out under the cover of night, negating the need for an attack as a distraction. No one would have gotten hurt if it had gone to plan. You certainly wouldn't have been put in danger.” He lifted a hand toward her and then dropped it. “Seeing you afraid . . . it . . .” He rubbed at his chest again. “I don't know what this feeling is. Why does mychest feel tight when I think about you and that dead soldier? It almost burns, running up my throat, and my belly feels strange.”
Lena looked from his face to his hand, and back again. “You . . . dear, convergence. That's regret. You regret what happened.”
“Regret. Perhaps. I regret that Zucar sent those men before confirming with me, but I don't think that's all of it.” Vor lowered his gaze as he searched himself. “I've regretted my actions before, but I've never felt like this. This is so much worse.”
“There are levels of regret, as there are for every emotion. I think you're feeling more than you have before, and so your regret goes deeper. The loss of life means more to you now.”
Vor looked at Lena and frowned. “You like that I feel this way.”
“I don't like you feeling bad, but I approve of it.” Lena looked away. “You should feel bad when someone dies. All life is important.”
“All life?” Vor held out his arms. “Even mine?”
“Of course, even yours.” She looked back at him, her eyes narrowed. “Do you think I want you dead? I don't want anyone to die!”
“Would you share the surface with us?”
“If you don't hurt magic or people, I don't see why you shouldn't be allowed up here.”
That horrible feeling inside Vor diminished. “Then we agree. There's no need for us to fight.”
