A hot shower washed away the remnants of my sorrow, insecurity, and shame. I emerged feeling calm. What did it matter if I had embarrassed myself with the Dragon King? He probably had people propositioning him constantly. It wasn't an issue. I just wouldn't do it again. Maybe now he'd stop offering me presents.
Resolved, I put on a fresh tunic, tying the flaps at my sides after bringing them around my wings. It had been so long since I had been allowed to choose my clothing. Picking out an opaque tunic that covered my chest fully felt like a luxury. I didn't have to dust my skin with powdered minerals to make it shimmer or drape strings of jewels around my hips to draw attention to the fullness of my buttocks. I flushed, remembering how Bara had me keep my channel oiled for his use. He wanted me prepared in case he got the urge. Honestly, it was better than the alternative.
Letting out a shivering breath, I deliberately basked in the feeling of being dry and clean, without anything applied to my body—inside or out. It was just me in a simple outfit made of cotton. Nothing to seduce. Nothing to make me submit. I was my own person. I controlled what I wore and did. How glorious was that?
My hair was damp, so I went to sit on my balcony to infuse it with the fresh air. The breeze was warm and scented with rosemary. My suite was above the bakery, and the kitchen garden adjoined it. So, sometimes rosemary scented the air, sometimes basil, and sometimes it was the scent of baking bread. It just depended on what the kitchen staff had harvested that day and what time it was. I loved the herb scents best, but the scent of freshly baked bread was also nice. I closed my eyes and hummed to myself as I ran my fingers through my waist-length hair, fanning the locks out. They looked dark when wet, almost black, but the sun still picked out the highlights and set them to sparkling like amethyst. I smiled, thinking that I could appreciate my beauty for myself now. That would be all right.
A knock came, and I grimaced. I hadn't expected to face the King so soon. He always seemed to know what I needed, and I needed a little more time to collect myself and accept the shift in our relationship. Well, the shift in how I thought about our relationship. But I couldn't turn the King away. If he wanted to resolve things now, so be it.
Resigned, I went to the door. What if he asked me to leave? My footsteps faltered, and I had to brace myself on a side table. It would be all right. Maybe I could find a job. Learn a trade. It would be so nice to be useful. Yes, I would be fine.
I steeled myself and opened the door.
“Sir Vanoak?” I stared at the knight in surprise.
King Raventar had ten Dragons in his court, and all were knights who guarded him. The rest of his dread lived in Dragon communities called enclaves, scattered around the kingdom. Dragons didn't do well in close quarters. Although I'd heard rumors that the return of their God had changed that.
“The King sent me to fetch you.” The tall knight had his long, brown hair braided to hang down his back in a single plait, as all the Dragon knights wore their hair while on duty. It put his face into stark relief, his high cheekbones like blades beneath his skin. But his dark eyes showed no hint of scorn in them, no sharpness at all. I was grateful for that. Sir Vanoak had been guarding His Majesty at breakfast and had certainly witnessed my shame.
“Very well.” I stepped out of the room, closing the door behind me.
Sir Vanoak motioned forward but then led the way through the stone corridors and down a corner stairwell. The second-floor corridors were wider as it was a public floor. Nobles, guests, and servants strode past us, all of them giving Sir Vanoak the space his rank and race demanded. I even followed a step behind him with my gaze on the floor, although that may be a remnant of my time with Bara. I had lied to the King when I said I lowered my gaze out of decorum. It was Bara. Always Bara. That fucking bastard.
Lifting my head, I dared a look at the space beside the knight—a space he left open for me. But I wasn't brave enough to walk beside him. I lowered my head. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the knight glance back at me. I didn't look at him. If he wanted to speak to me, he would. If he wanted to stare at me, he would do that as well. Everyone else did.
I glanced at the courtiers who stood aside for us. Unlike the servants, they felt confident enough to speak in hushed tones as I passed. Everyone knew who I was and what I had been. They knew I'd been Bara's sex slave. Gossip spreads through a court quickly.
“It's not my shame,” I whispered to myself. “It's not my shame.” And still, I felt it.
Abruptly, the knight stopped.
I jerked to a halt just before I walked into him.
Sir Vanoak turned to face me, his expression angry. “What isn't your shame?”
I blanched. “You heard that?”
“Dragons have excellent hearing.” He glared at the courtiers.
They hurried away. I watched a few depart and then lowered my gaze again.
“Eliel,” Sir Vanoak motioned within my line of sight to get my attention. “Who has made you feel ashamed? I will have them removed from court.”
I looked up again, eyes gone wide. “It's no one. Nothing. I was just . . .” I looked away. “It's me. They know about me. They all know what I was.”
“All they know is that you are under the King's protection.”
“They know more than that. Why else would they stare?”
The knight's voice lowered. “You are a man who is easy to stare at. Trust me, it has nothing to do with Bara.”
I took a step back, fear shooting down my spine at the lusty tone in his voice. Later, I might recognize the irony in my fear, what with it coming on the heels of mourning my attractiveness. But even if I had been capable of reason rightthen, it's difficult to reason away fear. I had tried. I had lain awake in my bed, going over why I shouldn't be afraid anymore. I had made mental lists. At the top of every one of them was: Bara is dead. Still, the fear came from the mere sound of interest in this man's voice. I was a mess. A complicated fool. A gods-damned madman. No wonder the King had no interest in me.
Sir Vanoak cursed and stepped back as well. “I'm sorry, Eliel. I didn't mean to frighten you. I would never touch you unless it was to save you from harm. The King has made it clear that no one is to touch you in any way without your express permission. I swear you are safe with us.”
Oh, wonderful. Now, he thought I was a helpless coward. And he was right. But all of King Raventar's guards had treated me with respect, and I didn't want to wreck that. So, I hurried to say, “I didn't mean to cast aspersions on your honor, Sir Vanoak. I was just startled. I'm fine. Truly.”
“Gods damn it! Don't apologize to me.”
