“I didn't want to say all of this in front of Tiernan because I don't want him to think that I support Raza more than him. Tiernan is my son. He was my son before you knew you were my daughter. Not by blood, but by choice. I love him dearly.”
“I know, Dad. I love him too.”
“I'm glad you have this time with him. I've seen the difference in you these past months. And I've seen it in Tiernan. He senses your emotions more than the others. He has from the start.”
“Yes, he has. Tiernan has always known exactly what I need.”
“Each of your husbands gives you something you need, Daughter. Together, you form a team that is unbeatable. And yet, one man has threatened your alliance. A single man.”
“It's not Star's fault.”
“Maybe not, but that is what he's done. Just look at yourself. One night with Tiernan, one night of honesty and love, and you shine brighter than you have in months. While every dream of Astaroth has dulled your light, making it dimmer and dimmer until I barely recognized you.”
My breath caught and it took me a moment to respond. “That's not his fault either. He tried to stop the dreams as well.”
“Regardless, being with him has lessened you.”
“Only because I feel guilty about it.”
Keir nodded. “And what is guilt if not the heart crying out that you have done wrong?”
I took a shuddering breath, gaping at my father with shocked hurt. “Dad. Ouch.”
“I'm sorry, Daughter. I love you, and I support whatever decision you make, but I had to speak my truth to you. I know guilt intimately. It filled my life through my entire relationship with your mother.”
“Are you saying you went against your heart with her?”
“Yes, Seren. I wish I had listened to my guilt. It told me that what I was doing was wrong. It wasn't fair to her or you. It especially wasn't fair to Ewan. I should have declared myselfopenly. I should have married her and brought you both here. But I didn't think it was right. My head got in the way of my heart.”
I made a snort.
“What is it?”
“Just that this garden we're searching for is supposedly made of regret. The Kings and Queens of Seelie cut away their darker emotions so they could rule without those feelings getting in the way. And here you are saying that those emotions are necessary to guide us.”
“I think this blight proves that. Cutting out our emotions leads to bad decisions. The Goddess gave us a heart to temper our minds and vice versa. It is only within the harmony of the two that we find wisdom. The mind cannot rule without the heart, and the heart cannot love without the mind. Emotions, all of them, are integral to our wellbeing. Listen to your guilt, Seren. It speaks the truth.”
I nodded. “Maybe. Or maybe it speaks everyone else's.”
“What do you mean?”
“Sometimes we feel guilt because we're taught that something is wrong, not because we think it's wrong. Maybe I'm just feeling guilty because of how I was raised. In which case, the guilt is just holding me back.”
My father's gorgeous purple eyes, sparkling with the silver spokes that radiated out from his pupils, widened. “Seren.”
“I'm not discounting your counsel, Dad. But you don't want me to simply obey you either, do you? I must make my own decisions.”
He chuckled. “That you must. Your own decisions will lead to your own successes and your own failures. They will make you a great Queen.”
“My failures will make me great?”
“Yes. They're even more necessary than your victories.” He pressed a finger to the crystal. “I love you, Seren. If I may offer one more piece of advice?”
“Of course, Dad.”
“Keep scrying Raza. Push him. Don't let him scare you off. He fought for you once. Now, he needs you to fight for him.”
“Even when what I'm fighting against is him?”
