“Hey, Kill,” I said.
Killian grimaced when he saw me. “Shit, what did Raza say?”
“He accused me of being unfaithful and said he couldn't stand to look at me.”
“Fuck.” Killian sighed. “Daxon and Sever are pretty angry too. Dax more so than Sever. I, uh, hell, Twilight, after talking to Raza, I kinda agree with him.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“I don't know what else to say, Kill.”
“You can tell me you're sorry.”
“I'm sorry. I'm not proud of what happened. I never saw it as cheating, because I had no choice while I was in the dream. I tried to remember to fight it. Every night I told myself I wouldn't touch him. But as soon as I was there, I forgot everything. I forgot why being with Star was wrong. I guess that's not an excuse. But I am sorry.”
“Yeah, all right. What was the other thing you were going to tell us?”
I cleared my throat. “Star is upset. It's been eight months, and the dreams have driven him back into obsession. He said if I don't go to him, he'll come to me. He gave me thirteen days. I'm down to twelve.”
“That asshole threatened to abduct you?” Killian growled.
“It's not like that, Kill. It's . . . I don't know. He's losing his mind, I think. He wants to see me in person and finish this.”
“I'd say that was a good thing if not for Rowan's premonition. Now, it feels like a very bad idea. I want you to stay away from him, Seren. He can't get to you here. He'd have to come through a rath, and we can warn the rath lords to stop him.”
“If we do that, he could hurt them. Astaroth is stronger than any rath lord we have.”
Kill grimaced. “All right, we'll let him through. He can't take you. He may be stronger than rath lords, but he's no match for you, babe.”
I blinked. “Holy shit, why didn't I think of that?”
“Because you're all twisted up about this.”
“Yeah. I guess I am.”
“All right, I'll tell the others. Uh, for now, maybe you should stay in Seelie.”
“What?” I whispered.
“Babe, I'll get over this, and I'm sure the others will too, but we need some time. Tiernan seems to be okay with it. So stay there. Enjoy reconnecting or whatever. Give the rest of us some space. We'll work this out.” He touched the crystal. “I love you. I'm just really fucking mad at you right now.”
I bit my lip and nodded. “Okay, Kill. I get it.”
“Seren?”
“Yes?”
“Don't use this as an excuse to leave us.”
“Of course not. I'm not going to leave you.”
“All right. Goodnight, Twilight.”
“Goodnight, Blair.” I swiped the phone and took a deep breath to stop myself from bursting into tears again.
Despite Tiernan's words, I felt like shit. More so because I hadn't thought of things as Raza had. I should have. I was having sex with Star in a shared dream. I thought it didn't matter, that it was only a dream. But it was a shared dream, and that was a form of connection. Did it make the sex real? I still didn't think so, but I was often wrong. I should have told them. Maybe they could have forgiven me for the first time, what with the dream taking me unaware. But I hadn't told them. I had once again hidden something important about Astaroth. And this time, I couldn't blame Anu.
