“What fear is that?”
“That I'll lose you.”
Tor'rien's eyes widened. “What's this now? Have you gone mad? I just told you I want you to live with me. I'm going to make you my consort, Tekhan.”
“That's what's made me afraid.”
“I don't understand you.”
“How many times have we been together sexually?”
He cocked his head. “Why?”
“Dragons know fairly quickly if someone is their mate.”
“Ah.” Tor'rien smiled.
“Don't smile at me like that. Either way, you'll be fine. But if I become your consort, I will get even more attached. Then, if I'm not your mate, which is looking more and more likely, I will end up like Vasren.” I nodded toward the door, wincing at the sound of his sobs. I was a little surprised that a Dragon knight would mourn so openly. I looked back at Tor'rien. “This is why I didn't want to be with you. I knew with one look that you'd be bad for me. A threat. You shattered my beliefs and turned everything upside-down. It makes no sense. Nonsense. And now my life is all nonsense. I don't like this feeling.” I rubbed at my chest. “It's hard to breathe.”
Tor'rien grabbed my hand and pulled me into a hug. “That's called love, Tekhan.” He leaned back to look at me. “I warned you there would be no going back.Thisis what I meant. I disguised what was happening between us with sex and possessiveness so you wouldn't run from me. But you can't run away from your own heart.” He laid his palm over my heart. “Don't be afraid. Whatever comes, we will always have this. My heart is constant. And yours.”
It was hard to swallow, but I did. My hand shook as I lifted it to lay over his heart. “I feel odd. And still very much afraid.”
He chuckled. “You wouldn't be afraid if you didn't have something wonderful to lose. Love isn't real if there's no risk involved.” He nuzzled my forehead. “I need you to trust me, Tekhan. Whether you're my mate or not, I will not betray you. I can't. I—”
The door opened and Sir Vasren came stumbling out. Both the King and I reached out to steady him, but he darted around us and rushed down the stairs.
“Vasren!” Tor'rien called after him. “Vas! Damn it all.”
“Go,” I said. “I need to secure the kurline.”
He nodded and raced after Vasren with Gilhu and Heicren close behind. Alone, I went back into the apartment. Katai's letter was tucked into my coat. His letter to Vasren was crumpled on the bed. I went to it, smoothed it out, and read it. Yes, I read a personal letter. It was Vasren's fault for abandoning it.
Vasren, my love,
You will never know how hard it was for me to leave you. I've planned my revenge upon the evil ones in this city for so long, been so entrenched in it, that I never thought I could find something beautiful here. I want you to know that you weren't a part of my plans. You have to know that, Vas. I tried not to fall in love with you. I tried to stay away. But you just kept coming back. With your smiles and open heart. I love you so much. But the dead haunt me. I see them in my dreams. Burning. Screaming.
I have finally found peace. But I didn't count on paying such a high price for it. You are worth more than vengeance. I recognized that too late. I'm so sorry, Vas. I can't change whatI've done. I can't stop this. I hope you will move on quickly. I have faith that you will. You're too incredible a man to be dragged down by me. I never deserved you. And we both know that I'm not your mate.
The dead have been replaced by one living man. You will haunt me forever. I love you,
Katai
“Oh, fuck,” I muttered and folded the letter. I put it in my coat with the other one. Vasren would want it later when he realized he would never find Katai.
I thought about the King and how he had found me. Katai was too smart to be tracked. He would have done something to Vasren. I had no idea what. But I knew he would cover his tracks. Katai Gral was gone. I doubted he was Katai anymore.
“Good luck, my friend,” I whispered. “May the Gods give you a new life without the weight of the dead or the living upon it. May you find something even better than what you lost here. And may Vasren find it too.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
The King, Gilhu, and Heicren returned without Vasren. I wasn't surprised. The knight had to discover for himself that his lover was beyond reach. So, Tor'rien and I sat in silence as we rode to the Halls of Talons. He wasn't done with inserting himself into our investigations, but he promised only to ensure that a case was opened against Juva and Rulli. Then, I would be left to collect the evidence alone.
But when we entered the Hall of Talons, we were waylaid by Talon Fren. He rushed up to me with a sheath of papers in his hands.
“Claw Shinkai! I found someone.” He paused and bowed to the King. “Sorry, Your Majesty. This is important.”
“By all means.” The King waved at me.
