“Do so gracefully?” I interrupted him. “I am not a graceful person.”
“You're an Eljaffna. You were born graceful.”
“Not in the manner you mean. I am a man of intellect, but little tact.” I sliced into my dumpling, releasing the steam faster, then pointed at him with my knife. “You don't know me. If you did, you wouldn't be interested. You seem like a man who enjoys outdoor activities and vibrant conversations about . . .” I searched for a topic and couldn't come up with one. “About things that people are passionate about.” I sighed. “I have one passion and one only—to unravel terrible mysteries. That is all the conversation I can offer. Most people, once they discover that, stop seeking my companionship.”
“Then they are fools. Youarepassionate, in more ways than one. If you weren't, you wouldn't be so scared.” He took a bite of his dumpling.
“I am not scared of falling in love. You cannot be scared of something you don't believe exists.”
The King coughed and snatched up his napkin to cover his mouth. “You don't believe in love?”
“I believe in caring deeply about the well-being of family members. Rearing young creates a bond of dependency that alsobuilds trust and can cause an emotional response that I can accept as a type of love.”
“You can . . . my Gods, that was the most analytical definition of familial love I've ever heard. So, youacceptthat such love is real, but not romantic love?”
“I accept that those emotional bonds exist, yes. Romantic love, however, is a social notion. It's a way to make sense of extreme physical responses ingrained by nature. To make them more polite. Trembling of the limbs, the dilation of pupils, and a racing heart—these are all signs of lust, not love. Sex makes those responses stronger. A flood of hormones makes us feel closer to those we engage with sexually. It all works together to convince us that what we’re feeling is more than physical. We experience a potent draw to someone that many believe is proof of deep emotions. We assume it's more than base lust and label it love. But under certain conditions, that assumption is proven false. Violently proven.”
“Violently? Perhaps. But only because love involves passion.”
“Passion is what makes it lust, not love. With family members, emotional ties are steady. Reliable. With romantic partners, they are ephemeral. Gone with the offer of something better. A pretty face, a fit physique, or even the right scent can make lovers betray each other. Because there is no such thing as true love, Your Majesty. It is a construct. A fantasy. A pretty story for children. Even your gods know that. I suspect it's what prompted your goddess to create your mating magic.”
“Dear Ensarena,” the King whispered. “Forgive him. He knows not what he says.”
I rolled my eyes and waved at him. “This is what I mean. Love is a worldwide lie. It was told repeatedly until it was accepted as truth.” I leaned over my plate. “Do you know how many times I've heard a murderer use love as an excuse for what he did? Hundreds. In fact, it is the most common reason for people to kill. Love is a lie. An excuse. A crutch. A defense against punishment. It is not real. That is what I believe. So, Your Majesty, can you understand now why your mating magic is a risk to me? It's not that I might fall in love and then lose you to another man. It's the opposite. I don't want to be bound by magic in a lie. Not with anyone.”
“Holy fuck.” He sat back and stared at me. “Who did this to you?”
I rolled my eyes and flopped my arms in the universal gesture of annoyance. “Of course, that's your response. My belief is so against what the general population accepts to be true that I must be broken. Someone must have hurt me so deeply that I now reject the possibility of love.” I shook my head. “No one did anything to me. I merely see things clearer than everyone else, and I don't let my desires color what I see. It's what makes me so good at my job. I notice things. I shed light on them—the clear light of truth. I offer people that truth. Unfortunately, sometimes people can't handle it.”
“Very well. You aren't broken, but you are incorrect, Claw Shinkai. Love is real. I've seen it. It is more than physical sensations, more than the result of hormones released during sex. And the Goddess did not create mating magic because love is lie. She created it as a gift, to bring genuine love into the lives of Dragons who might not otherwise find it. The magic binds us to that love because it knows that we'll be happiest when bound. That sort of bondage isn't slavery. It's freedom.”
“We shall have to agree to disagree, Your Majesty. Your perspective doesn't bother me, so I don't see why mine should bother you. I'm just pointing out that we are not compatible.”
The King let out a long breath. “Tell me one thing.”
“What more do you want to know?”
“Your first name.”
That surprised me. Of all the questions I expected from him, that was not even on the list. Because of my surprise, I answered immediately. “Tekhan. I am Tekhan Shinkai.”
“It's nice to meet you, Tekhan. I look forward to you calling me by my first name as well. I especially look forward to hearing you scream it.” With a grin, the Dragon King got to feasting on his dumplings.
Chapter Seven
The Dragon King wanted to hear me scream his name. Even after all I had said to him. I would like to say that the day had gotten more and more interesting as it proceeded, and it had, but this latest development was less fascinating and more frightening for me. When he looked at me, King Tor'rien saw a glorious conquest—glorious only because of my repeated rejections. He had decided that he wanted me. That was it for him. As the King, he got what he wanted most of the time. Oh, what am I saying? He always got what he wanted. I challenged that law—the one law I wouldn't uphold—and this intrigued him as much as this latest murder intrigued me. It was nothing more than that. I wouldn't delude myself into being flattered.
That being said, I now saw more than risk when I looked at King Tor'rien. I saw potential enslavement by a lover who would smirk, pat me on the head, and tell me I was free the whole time. The Dragon King couldn't see how he was abusing his power. He thought I was one of those men who feigned reluctance to increase desire. Either that or he didn't care that I didn't want this.
Granted, the King said he wouldn't push me into anything intimate without my consent. That did a lot toward putting me at ease. I believed him. I didn't think he wanted to rape anyone, even if it were through pressured consent. It wouldn't surpriseme if he didn't see his arrogant interference as anything but a determined pursuit. But if I couldn't refuse to be in his presence, that took away my choice. To me, that was an abuse of power. That being said, King Tor'rien had a reputation for kindness, generosity, and fairness. He could have been abusing his power in far worse ways than forcing me to have lunch with him.
Yes, maybe I was overreacting. Maybe, when it came down to it, he would accept my refusal and walk away. It wasn't as if he didn't have other options.
To his credit, the King didn't touch me or even flirt with me during our meal. After making his bold, stimulating statement, he went quiet. But the silence felt like the sort observed by predators on the hunt. He may not have been speaking or touching me, but he was watching. Closely. Waiting for the kill.
Normally, I could ignore such things. But the Dragon King had gotten under my shell. Yes, I was like a turtle, all tucked in, with a jungle cat batting me about. And this cat had slipped his claw into a weak spot. I was feeling things I didn't want to feel. Especially when I was working. These things would require attention soon. The hunted would have to become the hunter.
By the time the main course arrived, I was getting nervous. The silence—which I would have treasured earlier—felt oppressive and yet empty. It needed to be filled. Oh, damn. That thought led to another—how I needed the same thing. Later. If not that night, then the night after, I would find someone to fill me while I held the image of the Dragon King in my mind. It should satisfy the base needs of my body and strengthen my resilience against his advances.
