I smiled back at Hades as I thought of my reunion with Wren. I'd be like, “Hey, girl! Guess who's back from the Underworld? Again! Nope, I'm not undead. I'm so fabulous that Hades himself begged to send me back here to help you. You can relax now. I'm here.”
And Wren would be like, “Oh, my God, Aggie! I've missed you so much! Thank you for sacrificing yourself for me. You're my best friend in the entire world! I was lost without you. I'm so relieved you're here.”
And I'd be like, “Yeah, I know. I love you too.”
We'd be besties forever. Literally forever since she's immortal now thanks to her men. And everyone else could fuck off. It would be glorious.
Chapter Two
“I'm sorry. What did you say?” Hades stood beside my bed, glaring at me.
I was not in the bed. No, that was reserved for the physical me. Or the physical me that I would be. Ugh. It was a body, okay? Correction; itwould bea body once the Lord of the Underworld gave it form—the form I wanted. At the moment, it was a faceless, blobby thing in a nebulous caramel color, swirling with sparkling energy. Gross and pretty all at the same time.
“I said, I want a Salma body with an Angelina face. Come on, you can do it.” I waved at the body that would be my body.
“Sure, I can do anything. If I know what the fuck to do.” Hades squished his face at me. “What is a 'Salma body?'”
“Oh, for fuck's sake! How can you not know Salma Hayek and Angelina Jolie? They're the most beautiful women in Hollywood. I mean, I guess that's my personal preference, but I think they're the most beautiful. Angelina tops Salma a tad on the facial front, but Salma eases into the lead as far as slammin' curves go.” I waved my hands around my soul body to indicate a full hourglass figure. “I love me some curves. Gives a man something to hold on to, you know?”
Hades rolled his eyes. “You might have asked me what the hounds of the Cerberus you're destined for would like.”
“Why the fuck would I care about that?” I put my hands on my hips. “They're destined to love me. No matter what, right?”
He sighed.
“Right,” I answered my own question. “So they'll love whatever body I choose. And it's gonna bemybody! My body, my choice!” I pointed at him and shook my finger. “So don't impose your toxic masculinity on my choice.”
Hades lifted a dark brow.
I cleared my throat and added, “Your Majesty.”
Hades snorted. “I agreed that you could have whatever body you wish, Agnes. I merely thought you might care about the men who are meant to care for you.”
“Oh, nice way to turn that shit around,” I muttered. “I'm sure I'll care about them, but this is the first body I'm gonna have to myself in centuries. I want it to look exactly how I want it. You know?”
“Yes, I understand. So, you said Salma Hayek and Angelina Jolie?” His stare went distant.
“Yeah, in their youth, though, obviously. I'm gonna be twenty-one, right?”
“Yes.” Hades frowned and then his expression cleared. “What complexion do you prefer? Salma's or Angelina's?”
“Ooooooh good question.” I considered it. “My last body was white. Like Aryan race white. Let's go with Salma's complexion. That will really blend the women. Plus, I'll be ableto say whatever I want without people canceling me. White privilege can get you into trouble these days.”
Hades rolled his eyes. “I don't think that's how it works.”
“Do you even know what cancel culture is?”
“Yes, I happen to know exactly what it is.”
I stared at him.
He sighed. “It's when the masses turn on someone famous for saying the wrong thing and that person becomes a pariah.”
“Huh.” I nodded. “Not bad. A little old school with the wording, but yeah, basically.”
“Now, be silent while I finish the spell. The magic will pull you into the body when it's complete. Prepare yourself for a few moments of oblivion, and then you'll wake up in your new body and your new home.”
“My newmansion, you mean.”
