“Whoa!” I grabbed his arm. “That was the food delivery guy. Look!” I lifted the bag and box combo.
Sniffing, Kas turned away from the door. “He will not return?”
“No. Even if we order more food, it will be someone else who delivers it.”
Kaspian grunted, took the bag, and went to the couch.
“Don't you dare fucking sit your clean, wet ass on that old crappy couch!” I pointed at him.
Kaspian hesitated.
“You'll get the couch wet and your ass dirty. Trust me.” I took the bag back and motioned toward the hallway with it. “Get a towel and dry off.” As he headed for the bathroom, I thought better of my instructions and added, “And get dressed!”
“Stop giving me orders!”
“Well, stop doing stupid shit!”
Kaspian snarled and bared his teeth.
I pointed at him, just as he had with me. “Like that! Knock it off!”
“Knock what off of what?!” He waved his arms about. “I know your language and I still don't understand you! Humans of Earth are insane! You're all mad here!”
“Yeah, we are, Alice! And we like it that way!”
“Why are you shouting at me and who is Alice?!”
I cleared my throat and lowered my voice. “Because you shouted. Forget the Alice thing and go get dry before the food gets cold.”
Another grunt as he left.
With a sigh and a shake of my head, I sat down and set the bag on the coffee table. “Coveted me? What the fuck?” I untied the bag from the Crumbl box and set the box aside. “Whatever magic taught him English, it must have been using a dictionary from the Middle Ages.” I took the burgers and fries out, laid the fries on the bag, and then remembered my soda. “Shit.” I got up and retrieved it from the porch, then grabbed another for Kaspian from the fridge, along with the pitcher of cold water.
By the time I had the drinks on the coffee table, Kaspian was back.
“Take your pick.” I waved at the food. “I'm going to get some glasses for the water.”
“Thank you, Deme.”
“What the fuck did you just call me?”
“I'm trying to find a shortened version of your name that I like since you won't let me use your full name.” He made a face.
“Well, on Earth, the name Deme is a woman's name. Well, with an I at the end, but it sounds the same.”
“Dem?”
“As in, 'how do you like dem apples?' No.” I squished up my face and went into the kitchen.
“Again, I don't understand you.”
I chuckled as I grabbed the glasses. When I got back to the couch, he was chewing. And his annoyed expression had gone blissful.
“Dear Goddess!” Kaspian exclaimed. “What do you call this?” He lifted the cheeseburger.
“That is a bacon cheeseburger, my friend.” I sat down, poured us some water, then grabbed one for myself. “And these are called french fries.” I opened the little tub of ketchup they'd sent and showed him how to eat a fry. “Try one with ketchup.”
Kaspian followed my lead. As he chewed his eyes widened.
