“No, it's fine. I understand. I pushed you away, and you needed someone. I'm sorry that you had no one to turn to besides a bunch of demons.”
I sighed and started to walk away.
“Oh, no you don't, little girl,” Jake growled and grabbed my wrist.
I spun to look at him, but it wasn't him any longer. “Michael,” I said.
“You're coming with me.”
“No, I'm not!” I opened my mouth to scream, but then something shivered through me.
Jake flinched, blinked, and scowled. I tried to say something, but my mouth wouldn't obey my commands.
Because I've got you now,Michael said inside my head.Don't worry. I don't like possessing women. This is just to get you back to the house quietly. And then, Indigo Darling, I'm never letting you leave.
Why are you doing this?I demanded in my mind.You don't need me.
No, but Jake does. He's falling apart without you, and I enjoy having him as my host. He's easy to manipulate and handsome too. So, you're going to come back with us, and you're going to play the doting girlfriend. If you try to deny him again, I will possess you. I can do terrible things to your mind while I'm here, Indigo. I can crush it, turn you into a vegetable. Or I can show you your deepest fears. Don't push me.
Don't do this. I just want to go home. Please.
If Jake tires of you, you can go. Until then, you're going to keep my host happy. And if you don't, I will fucking destroy you. Are we clear?
Yes.
Good girl.
Fuck you.
Michael laughed as he piloted my body to Jake's new truck and put me in the passenger seat. I was terrified, but that terror was nothing compared to the heartache I felt over losing the three men that I loved. Yup, even possessed by a terrifying, body-jumping ghost, all I could think about was the hounds. And the heartbreaking confirmation that I wasn't their mate. When you feel that broken, a threat like Michael's barely registers. What would it matter if he turned me into a vegetable? Fuck, it might be a relief.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
I sat in silence all the way back to the Host's commune even though Michael left me five minutes into the ride and returned to Jake. I can't describe what a great relief that was, even under the heaviness of heartbreak. But then I went back into the pain and let it pull me under. Pain like that was akin to possession. I felt out of control, my will stolen, and no path forward.
Heartache held me in its grip until we passed through the gate. Then a shiver ran through me and Michael's vicious threat sank past the pain. I had a tragic welcome waiting for me. And yet, I was calm. I'd been expecting this. Not this precisely, but something terrible. Nothing good ever lasted. People promise to look after you, then they throw you away. It had been the same story since I was a little girl. Over and over. The smiling faces, the sympathy, the hair stroking. And then the boredom. They got over my pretty face eventually and found the Indigo beneath it lacking. The only thing that had changed since adulthood was the intensity of the feelings and the intimacy of the relationships. It was no surprise to me that I had fallen for three incredible men who promised to love me, then discarded me in a second for a waitress. That was the script of my life. Standard operating procedure.
And now, I was back in the muck, facing the very situation I had fled. The assault that still wounded me. Now, it would becomplete. I'd join the millions of women who had been the target of a man's evil—the weakness in his soul. Why do women so often pay for a man's weakness? And was it irony that Jake—a man who I had once deeply loved and prayed for daily—would be the instrument of my assault? I don't know what the proper label would be, but it soured my stomach. This night would change my life. I knew I'd never get over it. Hell, it might never end.
My stomach lurched as a thought took hold—that of being with Jake and playing his Stepford wife forever with Michael watching every breath I took.
Jake parked the truck and got out. I took a deep breath and did the same. No sense in fighting this. I wasn't sure if I cared what happened to me anymore, anyway. And with that thought, calm reclaimed me. No, it didn't matter. Without Garret, Gage, and Gideon, I had no life. God, that sounds so pathetic. The old me would have sneered at a woman saying that shit. Yet, there I was, and that was the truth of it. I'd fallen too deep, protesting all the way. I didn't care about truth, gods, or ghosts. My world had shrunk to three men, and when they abandoned me, that little world had winked out. No explosion, no big bang. Just a little pfft that was hardly a sound. Gone. All gone. So what did I care if Jake wanted the hollow shell that was left?
“Come on, sweetheart, let's get you back where you belong,” Jake said and took my hand.
I looked up and saw that it was him. Back in the driver's seat, as it were. I let him lead me into the house and past rooms full of people who stopped what they were doing to stare at us. I didn't stare back. I didn't care who they were or what they thought of me. They were dead, as far as I was concerned. Zombies under a witch doctor's control. Jake may not be dead,but he was a zombie too. An elite zombie. The zombie that other zombies looked up to. The thought almost made me chuckle.
Jake took me up to his room and straight into the bathroom. A tremor of fear ran through me, but then I sank back into that well of acceptance. No, not acceptance—apathy. I was done with caring about anyone, including myself.
Right,I mentally sneered at myself.Sure. If that's what you have to tell yourself. Let's see how long apathy lasts.
As if I were my own nemesis, that thought summoned an image of Garret, Gage, and Gideon in the restaurant, their stares glued to that server. The pain that sliced through me at the mental replay was shocking in its intensity, sucker-punching my apathy in its expressionless face. Evidently, the heart doesn't go gently into that good night. It retreats awhile, but then it comes back with a vengeance. My heart's vengeance made me shudder and gasp, but I latched onto it, sensing that it might lessen the pain of what was to come. Nothing could compare to losing my hounds. If I could survive that, I could survive anything.
But it had just happened. I hadn't proven I could survive it yet. I was still trying to recover. Vulnerable. And Jake was going to exploit that.
“I'm sorry, Indie,” Jake said. “I'm so sorry for what I did. I'll never act that way again. I swear.” But as he spoke so sweetly, he undressed me.
I stared straight ahead—a doll for him to play with. I felt nothing when he got me naked. Not even fear. Like a robot, I stepped out of my panties for him. And I didn't respond to anything he said.
