“I love you, Keltyr,” I said.
“I've loved you from the second I first saw you, Ember.”
At first, his words sparked joy inside me. But then I remembered Rath saying something similar. My joy stuttered. It was soon overtaken by lust, but a thought wormed its way into my brain to be studied later. It curled up there, waiting as we moved together, faster and faster, ecstasy spinning us up into a screaming release. And then, when Kel eased me back into the water and tucked me in against his side, sprawling us over the pool's edge, it rose.
Had my lovers really fallen in love with me that quickly? And if they had, was it because of the Goddess or destiny? Had fate turned their hearts toward me? Did any of us stand a chance? Did we have a choice in this?
The questions churned in my mind, threatening to ruin the blissful moment. But then I realized that I didn't fucking care. We were happy. However we had gotten there, it didn't matter. Be it the Goddess, fate, or luck. Who fucking cares? I didn't want to live a different life, not one that didn't involve the men I loved. Maybe I should have been concerned about our love being real or worried over the possibility that my men had been forced to love me. But if they had been forced, it had been a gentle forcing, and I had been compelled right along with them.Frankly, if that were the case, I'd like to thank whoever had pushed us together.
I snuggled closer to Keltyr, the weightlessness of being in water merging perfectly with the lightness of my heart. I had seen what awaited me at the end of the war. Three homes to build a life in. Four men to love. Maybe more. There was still Aranren to save.
And what about Vexen?
I mentally shook the thought away. This wasn't the time to contemplate that man. My arms and heart were full, and my lover deserved my undivided attention. Vex could fucking wait.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Vex didn't wait.
When I returned to the citadel the next day, I couldn't find him. And yes, I went looking. It had been two days since he had asked to speak to me. We needed to have that talk. But he wasn't anywhere in the citadel. So, I went out to the training yard. Not there either. I left the yard, crossed the courtyard, and went into the gardens.
After several minutes of searching, I finally found him.
With Lord Hess. A Bear Ladrin. And a bottom. They were sitting on one of the benches generally used for romantic interludes. The gardens had many such locations—spots where the plants grew in a shielding way to give the nooks some privacy. The lords knew to avoid those places if they heard any noises coming from them. I hadn't heard noises, so I didn't pause when I approached the edge of the rosemary hedge. Just barreled around it. And found my sweet warrior poet wooing another man.
I jerked to a halt, my jaw falling into the grass, and just stared at Vex. He looked up at me, curious at first, then his eyes widened.
“Ember,” Vexen said. “I—”
“Nope!” I cut him off. “Nope, nope, nope!” I spun around and bolted, still chanting, “Nope, nope, nope, nope, noppity nope.” If I kept saying it, maybe my brain wouldn't process what I'd just seen.
I just couldn't deal with Vex betraying me. And yes, I considered it a betrayal. We were in a relationship. One little argument didn't end that. If he wanted to end it, he should have said something to me first. Shit. Maybe that's why he had come to talk to me. And it wasn't as if I had caught him fucking another man. He may have just been laying the groundwork, as it were. Preparing for when he was clear to—
Nope! I couldn't think about it. I was too happy. Things had been going so well with my lovers. I had hope. A future to look forward to. My training was coming along nicely, if with a few stumbles. I was going to save Ara and win the war. Vex abandoning me right when I needed him could not be a part of that. It couldn't happen.
But it had.
I stopped walking and looked around. “What the fuck?”
I was in a forest but it wasn't the one outside the citadel. I recognized it immediately, though. I had faded to Fress. Yup, like a sad puppy or a scared little boy, I had run home. But I had so many homes now that my mind had gone to the first. The only one that was gone. No house, no garden, and no family there. And yet, it was still my first home. Not the one I considered my home anymore, but important nonetheless. It had formed me. And this glade was where I had gone when I needed solace. Maybe that's why I faded there. I knew, deep down, that I needed somewhere safe where I could fall apart.
Without anyone fucking judging me!
I fell to my knees in the soft grass and stared at the happy stream that bubbled and gurgled its way through the meadow. So soothing. There were even a few flowers sprouting along its edge. But I still bent forward and gave in to my tears.
“Damn it!” I snarled and swiped at my eyes. Every time I got sad now, I saw Vexen's condemning expression. He had been wrong, and he had apologized for it, but that argument had still found a home in my subconscious. And now, mourning him, it decided to rear its stupid head and say hello. It called me a fool and weak. It said I was the reason Vex had given up and moved on. And I was. Of course, I was. How could it be anything else? There were only two of us involved, and I couldn't blame him entirely. It was at least half my fault.
Let's be fair. It was mostly my fault.
And now I felt guilty for that as well as sad.
I was about to lay back and take a breather when I heard a rustle from the forest. It could have been anything, but instincts took over, and I searched the treeline. I was looking for the Corrupted or the dead or even the Corrupter. Instead, Vex stepped into the sunlight.
“What theactualfuck?” I whispered, mimicking Fire.
“I called after you. Why did you run away?” Vex demanded.
“Why did I . . . ?” I gaped at him for a second and then shot to my feet. “Oh, I don't know. Maybe I didn't want to hear you tell me you had moved on. Maybe I'd been having a good dayup until then, and I couldn't handle that shit yet. And maybe I came here so I could process it. By. My. Self.”
