“Yes.” I grimaced. “Sort of. I was scared, bound to my family, and uncertain of our future. But I never thought you'd spend more than a minute mourning what we had. I thought you'd shake it off and go back to your wonderful life. While I returned to an unstable existence of piracy and a possible early death. I faced a bleak future without you, and yet you were the one who raged and burned. You were the one who withdrew from the world. And I still don't understand why.”
“It's simple, Zixin,” Vax said softly. “Figure it out yourself.”
I paused, gathered my courage, and asked, “Do you love me, Vax?”
He looked away.
My chest clenched. “Very well. I won't ask again. And I won't try to talk to you beyond what's required. You tell me when you're ready to talk and then we can try this again.”
“And what if I'm never ready? What if I only want this from you forever?”
“I told you the term of my slavery was open and I meant it. If this is all you want from me, then this is what I will give you. Forever.”
Vax shuddered and bent forward. “Go to bed, Zix. I'll join you later.”
I stood up and left the dining room, my hearts so heavy, I could barely lift my feet.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
I lay awake in bed, waiting for Vax. I wanted to cry, but not because of the humiliation. That didn't bother me anymore. I understood it. More than I wanted to, truth be told. I felt guilty for what he'd gone through. But that guilt was buried beneath the weight of the things he said. His words were barbarically beautiful. They bound me to him tighter than any chains could have. I loved him. Deeply. And I knew he loved me too. Vax just wasn't ready to admit it, not with the pain still so fresh and his pride salting the wound. And that's why I wanted to cry. I was just so damn frustrated.
But I had vowed forever. I had sworn to do whatever he wanted to gain his forgiveness. So, I would do it. No matter the cost; be it to my body or my pride. And I would pray that one day it would be enough.
“For fuck's sake!” I pounded my fist into the pillow. “With anyone else, this would be ridiculous. It's too much. He's demanding everything from me for one mistake. And it hurt us both. Why can't he see that? Why won't he forgive me?”
That's when the tears came. I shuddered as they tore through my body and shredded my composure. I couldn't remember crying before I met Vax. Not since I was a child. He made me suffer like no one else, but he also made me happier than anyone else. So happy that an existence without him wouldbe bleak. Which made the suffering worth it. Nothing this good came for free.
Still, this was a fucked up relationship.
Warm hands coasted over my back, and I flinched.
“Shh,” Vax whispered as he drew me in against his chest. “It's just me.”
“Of course, it's you. Who else would it be?” I muttered. “You just startled me.”
His soft laugh warmed my shoulder and then he kissed me there. “I will take your tears too, Zixin. All of them. They're mine. So, give them to me.”
“Yes, Your Majesty,” I growled and turned to face him. “You want my tears? Here they are. Here's proof that the punishment you demand is painful.” I waved at my face. “Take a good look. I hope it pleases you.”
“Cease.” Vax grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me into an embrace. “I am the one who rages, not you. You are not allowed anger with me. Now take the comfort I offer. It will not be given often.”
The King's words should have sounded cruel. Harsh. But I heard the worry beneath them and crumbled. Just fell into his arms. Against his chest. His heartbeat. A single heart, but strong. Stronger than all three of mine. I surrendered to that strength and laid my cheek against his bare chest, directly over that powerful organ. It beat steadily in my ear—a soothing round. Then Vaxarion's hands stroked my hair. He wouldn't let me braid it anymore. It was always loose in case he wanted to stroke it. As if I was a pet. But his touch told me I was more thanthat. What did I need with words and all their hidden meanings? He could keep them, never say that he loved me, as long as he touched me like this. Vax's love was right there, in every stroke.
But Vax had given me other words, hadn't he? Those sweet, savage words. Words that bled humiliation but also a deep, wild desire. There was nothing hidden in those words. They bared all. How he craved me above all others and destroyed the beauty around him because it reminded him of me. How I consumed him. That was as good as a confession of love, wasn't it?
I sighed and nestled closer.
“Better?” he whispered.
I stiffened. Oh, Gods, it was going to start again. Of course, it was. Vax had given me too much emotionally. Now, he'd have to reassert his status as my master and rebuild that barrier between us. He'd pull away and punish me. Yeah, I was a fast learner.
“I'm not going to demand anything more of you tonight, Zix. Relax. Go to sleep. I will hold you through your dreams and protect you from your nightmares.”
Instead of soothing me into slumber, his tenderness brought on another round of tears. But Vax held me through them, stroking my hair and shoulders, until I was finally drained enough to fall into an exhausted sleep.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
I woke to an empty bed. Sighing, I stretched, then looked around. There was a pile of clothing folded on the foot of the bed. I got up, out of bed, and went to inspect it. I was naked except for my collar. It was how I always slept with Vax. He didn't like anything between us in bed, even if we were only sleeping. And during the day, he dressed me in sheer tunics and wispy loincloths.
