Shale sighed and sat down on the steps.
I sat down with him, with the far-speaker between us. It felt as if there was more between us.
“I've had a lot of miracles in my life,” he said. “And I've paid dearly for them. The greatest things come at a cost.”
“My mom always says the greatest things are free.”
He looked at me with eyes that had seen too much tragedy. I wanted to erase that trauma, just take it out of him and give him a fresh start. But there was no do-over for the Dragon King. He had sacrificed his love to live, and now he had to, well, live with that.
I shrugged and pasted on a grin. “Hey, what's so great about love anyway, right? It can make you happy, sure, but it can also be fucking depressing.”
Shale's lips twitched.
“And lust is so much better.” I leaned across the far-speaker to nuzzle his cheek. “We have desire. And even if we don't love each other, we can like each other. A lot.”
He finally smiled. “I do like you a lot, my doll.”
Shale cupped my face and pulled me in for a kiss. It was so tender and slow, that if I hadn't known Shale was incapable of love, I'd swear he felt it for me. I'd swear I could feel it rising in him, reaching for me. It felt light and heavy all at once. Bubbling and still. Steady and wild. And I never wanted to stop feeling it.
Maybe I was feeling my emotions, not his. Well, no shit. You can't feel someone else's emotions like that. What was it the Mind Scholars called it? Projecting. Yup. I was projecting my feelings onto Shale. I loved him so much that I thought I couldfeelhis love for me. Feel it. What a moron I was.
When the kiss ended, Shale leaned his forehead against mine. But then he pulled away, and I knew something terrible was going to come out of his mouth. I could see it in his eyes.
“I am all thorns, Sebastian. No blooms here. If you reach too deeply searching for buds, I will only make you bleed.”
I stared at him for a second, my chest aching with the truth in his words. Then I said, “Damn it. That was pretty, Shale. Way better than my poem about your ass.”
Shale let out a surprised bark of laughter. As his humor faded, he shook his head and smiled at me. “I know you want more for me, and that's kind of you. But you must know that you have already changed my life for the better. I'm as happy as I can be. I laugh again.” He grimaced. “I shout. I rage. I feel.” He took my hand. “You gave me that.Thereis your miracle.”
The constriction in my chest melted. I was in love, and Shale would never feel the same. But he wouldn't feel more than this with anyone else either. I had the best of him. And even lacking love, his best was pretty damn incredible.
I just hoped he was wrong about the cost of miracles.
“You see?” I grinned at him. “You're not all thorns, Shale. And even if you were, I can handle a few pricks.”
Shale chuckled. “I'll bet you can.” Then he looked down at the far-speaker. “Now, who were you talking to, and what is this device? I've only seen mirrors used for long-distance communication.”
“Have I ever told you about my friend Galin? He's the mate of the Dragon King of Sken.”
“You've mentioned him.”
“Well, he's an inventor.” I went on to tell Shale all about Galin, the wonderful things he made, and his romance with King Rianvar. I also told him about the beetle infestation I helped them with, and how Galin was the one who actually ended the infestation with an invention I was sure would become the standard farmers used to deal with rasalt beetles in the future.
By the time I was done telling my story, the day was falling into night, and it was getting too dark to work. I could have brought out some lanterns, but then I'd work too long. It was a good practice to finish at dusk, and I didn't want to break it just because I'd been talking to the Dragon King. My lover who couldn't love. But whom I loved. I still refused to tell him about my feelings. It would sadden him and make him feel guilty. Maybe even sour our relationship. So, I would keep it to myself, along with the hope that Shale would get one more miracle.
Chapter Thirty
That night, the Dragon King and I went to the dining hall together. We strode down the aisle between the low tables holding hands, and everyone in the room stared at us. They had to know that we'd been ensconced in the King's tower for the last four days. That wouldn't have been so shocking with any other king, but with Shale, it was worthy of gossip. And it was all because of me. I had put a smile back on Shale's face, and even if this was all the happiness he got, I'd be grateful that I was the one who gave it to him. He was making me pretty damn happy too.
The courtiers bowed as we passed by and for once, the King inclined his head at them. Yet another shock for the Dragon Court. They processed all of this as we went up to the dais and settled on Shale's couch together. Shale smiled at me, then nodded at a servant. The servant grinned broadly at the King, then at me, before hurrying off to tell the kitchens to send out the food.
“What was that about?” Shale asked me.
“What was what about?” I shot back.
“That smile from the servant. She looked as if she knew you.”
“She does. That's Kiva. I know a lot of the servants. Don't you?”
