“Shale.”
“Get out.” He got out of bed and crossed his arms.
“Are you serious?” I gaped at him.
“I was very clear with you about what this would be. Our relationship is about sex and fun. I want to feel good again. What I don't want is to dig up my past with you. Pick over it and listen to you tell me why it's acceptable.” His arms slashed down as he shouted, “Of course, it's acceptable! It'smylife. My decision. And it is not for you to approve or disapprove of. You are my lover, that is all. I don't want your insight into my pain. I don't want to discuss any of it with you. But you won't fucking let it go. So, just get out, Sebastian. I will find someone else who can bed me without forgetting their place.”
I stood up and faced off with him naked. No, Sir. I was not about to walk out now. Before this, yeah. But after three days of sex, Shale didn't get to order me to leave like a whore.
“Fuck you, Shale!” I pointed at him.
“What?” He leaned forward aggressively.
“You heard me. Fuck you. You want a lover who knows their place? That's a load of crap and you know it. You wantme, that's who you want. No one else is going to make you laugh so hard that you cry or suck your cock like they can never get enough of it. Another man or even a woman won't stand up to you so they can lure you past your defenses. No one, Shale. Sure, you can find lots of people to bend over for you. They'll line up. They'llknow their place. But it isn't just sex that you need.”
His face went into spasm as I spoke. Then he said, “You think too highly of yourself, human.”
“Oh, you're gonna bring my race into this now that I've knocked you off your high horse?” I lifted my brows. “Fuck you for that too. In here, I'm just Sebastian. Not a human or even a man. I'm yours, and you're mine. Simple. I have no problem with your lack of love for me. I understand that. I'm willing to take what you can offer and be happy with it. I am happy. But when you behave oddly toward me, I have a right to know why. That's why I asked about your past. I thought it was connected to us. And if it's connected to us, it is perfectly understandable for me to want to know about it.” I crossed my arms and glared at him.
Shale's hands clenched and released as he glared back. But after a minute or so of this, they relaxed, and he hung his head.
“Shale?” I whispered.
He turned away and sat down on the bed.
I waited.
“After my mate died, I knew I would follow her,” Shale said.
I sat down on the bed too, but on the other side of it, and I didn't speak. He needed to get this out without me interrupting. Without even looking at me.
“She died in childbirth. Our son died with her,” he went on. “It's unheard of. I knew it was because of me. My blood. The blood in our boy. It did something to her. To him. She bled out, and he just . . . he just looked at me, then closed his eyes, and never opened them again. I have never felt such grief. I couldn't live. It wasn't possible. I laid down over their graves and knew I'd never get up again. Close my eyes and never open them.”
I started to weep, but I did so silently. This wasn't about me. I didn't have the right to insert my grief into his.
“I don't remember a lot after that. But I do recall feeling movement. Then I was in a stone room, on a stone table, and people were speaking above me. My mother was among them. She had taken me to our god's temple. To the Priests of Ranu. And they took me into the heart of the temple, to an altar that was once used for blood sacrifices.”
I blinked, my tears drying up. Still, I didn't speak. But only because I couldn't. My throat had constricted.
“I was on the altar. I remember feeling my mother's hand on my chest and seeing her face above mine. She gave me a choice. She said I could die there, and it would be honorable. I would be a sacrifice to Ranu and empower our people instead of falling slowly into a meaningless death.”
Holy. Fuck. His own mother was going to sacrifice him!
Shale turned to face me. He met my horrified stare to say, “Or I could live. I could sacrifice only my heart to Ranu. The love inside it. I could give him everything I felt for Erelis. All the years I had spent with her. Every drop of love I felt and all capability of loving. Ranu would take it and along with it would go the grief that would draw me into death.”
“Shale,” I whispered.
“The pain was so great that the thought of it ceasing was miraculous. I never considered what it would mean. I just wanted it to end.” He looked away. “Maybe I should have chosen death.”
“Fuck no!” I growled.
His stare shot back to me.
“You must always choose life,” I said. “Death is the end, Shale. You can't do anything once you're dead. But life—life gives you a chance. In life, there is hope.”
“Not my life, Sebastian.”
“No?” I lifted my brows. “Because I've seen you laugh, Shale. I've made you laugh. You may not have love in your heart, but it still beats. It still has desires. There is more to life than love, and you have all of that. You have adventures to look forward to. A kingdom to rule.” I smirked, then waved at myself to add, “A handsome lover in your bed who is obsessed with giving you head.” I blinked. “Huh. That rhymed.”
