“I think it was more about Rontor,” I said with surprisingly little bitterness. “Rontor couldn't bring himself to go through with it in the end. He confessed to the factions his men had been riling up and when his men found out, they took him back to their king. He even sent me Mivi, his vanrussa, to look after. He had asked me to care for her should something happen to him. So, I knew when she came to me that—” I broke off, taking a moment to compose myself. I may not feel bitter about Rontor anymore, but I still loved him. “I knew that he was gone. He believed he was going home to be executed.”
“Holy shit,” Rian whispered. “So, the Commander of the Ricarri Army betrayed his king for a Dragon.”
“He fell in love with his target.” I shrugged. “He didn't count on me either. And he did care for me. But it was never love for him. I wasn't even his type. He liked . . . big men. I guess I should be flattered that he was drawn to me despite everything, even Dragon mating magic.”
“Dear Gods,” Rian murmured. He took a sip of his coffee, then said, “So you were caught between a Dragon and his mate.”
“Yes. But, as I said, Rontor didn't know he was mated.” I shrugged, getting back to how their story affected me. “Something happened between them during the mating, or maybe right afterward. Rontor argued with Dhrostan and chose me instead. King Dhrostan reacted . . . well, better than to be expected, all things considered.”
“But worse than he should have,” Rian concluded.
“Yes. At the time, I wasn't so hurt by it. But I've been changing. I'm not the man I once was. I like to think I'm stronger. But today has shown me that I'm not as strong as I hoped.”
“I don't believe that.” He set his coffee down and leaned forward. “I think you're very strong, Galin. But gaining strength is not an easy thing. Just as it is with enlarging muscles, emotional strength comes after painful effort. You're experiencing the pain of emotional growth.”
I made a non-committal sound.
“I don't know what happened between you and the King of Vix,” Rian said. “I'd like for you to tell me when you're ready, but it's not necessary. I know you, and so I know that you can and will get through this. And you will come out of it a better man.”
“I intend to,” I said just as the waiter set a plate of food down before me. I stared at it until the man left, then pushed it around with my fork.
“Galin.” Rian set his hand on my wrist, stilling my fork. “Getting stronger takes time.”
I nodded.
“I want to be the man who helps you through this, but I see now that I've done the opposite. My dragon and the way it causes me to behave are a type of catalyst for you, hurtling you into memories of another king who had to fight his beast. I will try harder to control myself. But I'll need your help. If you see me start to submerge into savagery, take my hand. Just take my hand and tell me you love me. Can you do that?”
My whole body melted, and I turned my hand over to put my palm against his. “Of course, I can do that.”
“Then we'll help each other through this, and maybe we'll both become better men.”
“I don't think it's possible for you to become a better man.”
Rian scowled. “Excuse me?”
I laughed. “I meant that in a positive way. You're already incredible.”
“Oh.” He grinned and bent his fingers to hook with mine. “Thank you. But I think we both know there's always room for improvement.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Love. I was in love. Again. And yet, my heart still held Rontor. It didn't ache as much with Rian in it, but he hadn't expelled Rontor as I'd expected. My heart had simply expanded to hold them both.
I didn't like that.
But I might not have long to worry about it.
Rian had vowed love and loyalty to me, then vanished the very next day. Well, not completely. He sent a note that something important had come up, and he wouldn't be able to visit for a while. He also sent payment for the five crispers he ordered. A very large payment since I had never given him a price. It felt a little like he was paying for more than the crispers.
But I didn't fret. I knew that kings dealt with issues that sometimes caused them to withdraw from those they loved. I understood. For a week.
When the next week rolled by, I grew anxious. By then, I had finished the crispers, but I wasn't about to just send them to the castle. No. If Rian wanted them, he could come and get them himself, damn it. Yes, I'd reverted to a five-year-old. My bed wasempty and my heart was worse off than it had been before I'd met the Dragon King of Sken. Meanwhile, the city got colder and colder. Something else I wasn't prepared for.
Then I realized that with the King's payment for the crispers, I should have enough to buy a vanrussa. This was something joyous to focus on. So, on my next day off, I gathered a pouch of coins, several of which were gold, and slipped the token Furn had given me into it.
Finding Furn's shop, if you could call it that, was harder than expected. It was on Ruby Lane (all the streets within the shopping district were named after gemstones since the first shops in Vagasof had been jewelry stores), but that's all I knew. Furn hadn't told me the name of his shop or what it was near. I wound up walking up and down the sidewalks. First, down one side, then the next. At last, on my second stroll, I noticed an unmarked door. Above it, carved into the lintel, was a dog's head that matched the one on my token.
I drew the token out, held it up to compare, and chuckled. “I suppose he doesn't want uninvited customers knocking.”
