Rachel and Albert exchanged guilty looks.
“It's all right. I understand,” I said. “My parents did too. That's why they taught me to never get too close to anyone. No one could know me if I wanted to be accepted.”
“But that made you nearly as alone as you would have been had you left Fress,” Caleb said. “Maybe you should have taken a chance on us.”
“No, my parents were right.” I shook my head. “Some of you may have accepted me, but not all. And even if those who had doubts accepted me in public, fear would have festered in private. I would have been targeted.” I sighed. “Fuck, I don't want to talk about this anymore. I thought we were supposed to be having a good time?”
Caleb chuckled. “Agreed. No more talk about the war or Ember's old life.”
The other two nodded.
“Can we talk about your love life?” Rachel asked with a grin. “Three lovers? And I hear you're fated to have many more. How wonderful is that?”
“Um.” I frowned. “It has its perks but also its drawbacks. I think my life would have been easier if I had stayed with just Xaedren. But I can't imagine not having Rath and Kel. I need them all now. Losing one would break me.”
“And they all love you,” Rachel said in wonder. “I'd give anything to have one man love me like that.”
“Yeah. I would have too. Before I came here.” I glanced at Caleb. “I can hardly believe this is my life.”
“They're all so muscular,” Rachel was back to whispering. “I wish one would . . .” she trailed off.
“If you don't mind that all it will be is sex, smile at one of them,” I said. “I'll bet they'll take you up on your offer. Just watch them for a while so you pick one of the straight ones.”
She giggled. “It's kind of sexy that a lot of them are gay.”
“Really?” I asked. “Why?”
“Yes, why?” Albert stared at her in horror.
“Just thinking about two of those big men together.” Rachel sighed. “It's sexy. Not that I'd want to be with a gay man. I mean, he wouldn't want to be with me. But two men, rubbing all over—”
“All right!” Albert, who was straight, cut her off. “Thank you very much, but that's enough. We get the idea.”
Caleb, Rachel, and I burst into laughter while Albert scowled at us.
“Great,” he said. “My drinking buddies are now two gay men and a woman. No one understands me.”
“Aw, Al,” I said. “We understand you. Just not sexually.”
We all started laughing again.
“Yeah, laugh it up.” He rolled his eyes. “You try being a straight man in a keep full of men who are bigger, stronger, and more attractive than you. Even the human women aren't interested in me.” He waved at Rachel.
“Al!' Rachel smacked his arm. “That's not true.” Then she blinked. “All right, it's true for me.”
We all started laughing again. This time, Al joined us.
“Shit,” I said when our laughter died down. “I think I need to go to bed, but I don't know if I can get up the stairs.”
“Hey, it's late. Everyone's in bed,” Al said. “Do you think you could fade us to the top floor corridor?”
“Huh,” I said, considering it. “Yeah, but you might throw up.”
The three of them exchanged looks, then said in unison, “Forget it.”
So, we stumbled up the stairs together, leaning on each other and taking several breaks to gasp for breath, then laugh.
Halfway up, Caleb asked me, “Where's Taroc's room?”
