“And thank you as well to Evina, whose idea it was to hire performers, and Lord Nexhavaren, who found the troupe.”
We applauded again, looking over at Nex and Evina. Nex nodded but waved toward Evina as if the credit should go to her alone. Look at him, becoming a fucking gentleman. Who would have thought?
“Now, please.” General Rontor waved the acrobats toward the buffet. “Help yourselves to some lunch. We look forward to your next performance.”
There was more cheering as the acrobats headed toward the buffet, one of them grabbing the fox's discarded clothes and following it into the hall, and they waved back at us as they got in line. Liael's stare slid my way again, and I quickly averted my gaze, hoping he wouldn't try to sit with us. Then I blinked, wondering who the fuck I had become. I'd never thought of myself as handsome. Passing attractive at best. After I had moved into the citadel and Wraith Lords started flirting with me, I owed it to my being the new bottom who everyone wanted to try out. But here was this Varraen who would gain nothing by being with me and who knew I already had three lovers, and still, he seemed interested. In me. Was I actually good-looking? Attractive enough to warrant this kind of attention? Enough that I had to discourage flirting? Holy shit.
I know, I should long be over my insecurities. But doubts and insecurities cling like honey. You think you've gotten it all off, then you lick your finger, and it's still sweet. Cloyingly sweet. The kind of thing you're comfortable with at first, but eventually makes you sick. That sickly sweet insecurity often rose through the true sweetness of what I had with Xae, Rath, and Kel. I would get over it, eventually. But even when I did, I would never stop appreciating my lovers. What they did for me and gave up for me. That would always be humbling. And I would never stop testing myself for that sticky residue.
Chapter Twenty-Two
After lunch, my men and I faded to a remote spot in the nearby mountain range. It was a plateau halfway up one of the mountains, utterly unreachable by foot and hidden from view. The perfect place to practice Death Magic.
“Everything you teach him will be done in front of us,” Rath said to Death. “No secret whispers to him. Speak aloud to us all.”
“Of course, Lord Ratharin,” Death said. “I'm not trying to do anything underhanded.”
“But Death Magic,” Kel said with a slight shudder. “Don't you need a corpse or a live target?”
“How many times must I say that Death Magic can do nearly anything?” Death asked. “Death, like Spirit, resides in all things. Just as Spirit Magic can be used to accomplish more than forming wraiths, so can Death be used for more than killing. It is more than the whole of its name, just as Ember is.”
“Proceed,” Xaedren said.
“We will start small,” Death said, his voice sounding close, just outside my ear. “You need to recognize the magic inside you before you look for it anywhere else. Sit down, cross your legs, and close your eyes, Ember.”
I sat down, the brown, dying grass crunching beneath me but at least it cushioned me against the rock. My men remained standing, spaced around me, watching and ready to interfere. I knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate if I let their presence register with me. So, closing my eyes helped. I took a deep breath and let it out, pretending I was alone. Well, with Death.
“This would be easier if you let me in,” Death said.
When none of my men put up a protest, I assumed he was speaking only to me.
“No,” I said. “Follow their rules.”
“Motherfucker,” Xae cursed. “He's already trying something.”
“I just told Ember that it would be easier for me to show him the Death Magic inside him if I were inside him.”
“No,” Rath said. “You will stay out of him. And you've just broken my rule. Do so once more, and this training is over.”
“Fine,” Death growled. “Ember, you must go by feel now. Death is Spirit's counterpoint, keeping the balance. So it may help if you brought to mind what it feels like to use your wraith and then searched for the opposite of that feeling.”
“All right.” I focused on my wraith, summoning it but not using it. Just feeling it.
A warm shiver rose inside me. A very slight vibration. Like singing sunlight. What would be the opposite of that?
Almost as if the magic heard me, it sank. No, it withdrew, allowing something else to come forward. Warmth was replaced with cool. Like going from sunbathing on a beach to diving into the sea. Both felt good, but they were very different. The shivering that came with this coolness was lower in vibration, more of a resonant thudding than a shiver. Drumming instead of singing. I summoned it and my body rang like a gong.
“There!” Death cried. “You've done it! And only seconds in. I knew you were beyond special, even more than the Goddess believes you to be. She can only take you halfway, Ember. But I will complete your training.”
“He's certainly cocky enough to be a mage,” Kel said.
“Shush!” Death silenced him. “Ember, release the Death Magic inside you. Let it fall back into place.”
I let go of the magic and it settled to join Spirit. Focusing as I was internally, I sensed the elements inside me as well, All of them churned in my belly. No, not my belly, but the base of my spine. They waited there, a source of power. One thought, and they would rise up my back and spread through my limbs like nourishment up roots.
“Open your eyes, Ember,” Death said.
I opened my eyes and frowned. The world seemed different. More vibrant. Brighter. I could see tiny droplets of water in the air. Sparks of fire. Minerals in the mountain. The flow of air currents.
