“No, you're not. You keep talking about how we've just gotten together, and I've already moved on. Are you feeling neglected?”
Kel's face tightened.
“Shit. I'm sorry,” I said. “We can go out if you want. Will that help? You know, on a date.”
“Look, I know this is difficult. You have Rath and Xae too. And I don't want to ruffle their feathers by demanding more time with you.”
“You are just as important to me as they are. And I'm glad we're talking about this. It's better to know what I'm doing wrong now before this goes on too long. So, we'll have to work out a schedule or something. I can't just focus on dating one man and not go out with the lovers I have.”
“We spend a lot of time together. We don't have to go out on dates.”
“Yes, we do. Maybe not as often as I do with whoever I'm courting. But we need some time alone. Just you and me. I need it with all of you. I've started treating Rath and Xae like a pair that can't be separated, but I need some time with each of them too.” Then I swayed on my feet.
“Ember!” Keltyr steadied me.
“I'm fine. I just . . . fuck, it just occurred to me how crazy this can get. What if I wind up with ten lovers, Kel? How will I be able to show all of you how special you are to me? How will you feel special when there are so many others? I thought I was prepared for this. I thought I could handle it. But now, I'm doubting it again. Damn it! I just want it to work!”
“Hey!” He shook me. “It will work. The benefit to having so many people in love with you is that you have all of us to help you. You're not alone.”
“No, I'll never be alone again,” I muttered.
“Stop it!” Kel got in my face. “We can do this. Together. All right? None of us got into this blind. We knew what we'd be facing. But you're worth it, Ember. I knew it from the first instant I saw you. And back then, I had no idea you were going to empower me.” He grabbed my upper arms. “I'm grateful for this situation. Do you understand that? If not for your destiny, I wouldn't have you. So, I'll help you through this. Because I love you and I want this with you, no matter what. I know we can handle anything that comes as long as we face it together.”
I bit my lip.
“Don't you fucking cry, Ember!”
Instead of crying, I snorted.
“That's better.”
“I don't know what I'd do without you, Kel.” I laid my hand on his chest, over his heart. “You keep me sane.”
“I told you; you've gotta choose men who aren't so stuffy.” He rolled his eyes. “All that manly strutting and grunting and posturing. 'Oh, I'm a Wraith Lord, I have to be stoic and grim. Look at my pecs, these are stoic and grim pecs. You don't get a chest like this by being happy.'”
“I think stoic and grim mean the same thing.”
Kel grimaced at me.
“But yes, I get it,” I went on. “I need your humor. Your lightness. But I can't help who I'm attracted to.”
He shrugged. “It's probably the Goddess leading you to her choices.”
I went still. “Fuck, do you think so?”
“I don't think she's taken away your free will, but I think she guides you to your best matches. She guides us all in all things.”
“Oh. Yeah, of course. That's a lot of guidance.”
“Hey.” Keltyr pushed me playfully. “It's just guidance, Ember. You still choose who you love.”
“Yeah, I know.”
But did I? Was I falling for Taroc? Why? Because he was gorgeous and kicked Jathalion's ass for me? Or maybe because he saw me for who I really was. What made a man fall in love? Did it require a great act of prowess or compassion? Did I have to see and understand Taroc's nature? Did I have to know him deeply? Or was love more nebulous than that? A wispy dream. An emotional apex to be striven for. If it was something undefined, something that just happened, grew through familiarity or even mystery, then the Goddess could very well be manipulating my heart.
No, I couldn't think like that. If I added that crap to everything else I was dealing with, even Kel wouldn't be able to keep me sane. And I knew the quickest way to get it out of my head. Grabbing Kel's hand, I pulled him into one of the smaller empty suites.
Chapter Twenty
