“And I have needs.”
“I know.” I held up a hand in surrender. “I'm not bitter.”
He gave me a disbelieving look.
“All right, I don't hold it against you. That would be insane. But it's not fun to see you with other men.”
“I can say the same to you.”
“Yeah,” I whispered and looked down. “That circled us back to my point.”
“Which is?”
“I hate rejecting people. I hate seeing a man look at me with blatant interest and then have to look away.”
“Are you complaining about having too many suitors?” His lips twitched.
“No!” I let out a rough breath. My shoulders slumped. “Maybe. I just don't like letting people down. The citadel is my home now, and the people in it are like my family. I don't want to disappoint or hurt any of them. But I can't make all of them my lovers. And every time I pick someone, I feel as if I'm turning down hundreds. As if I'm making men who I respect deeply feel as if they're not worthy. I don't want to make anyone feel unworthy.”
Taroc's expression shifted. Softened. “You are not who I thought you were.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“Yes.” He grinned, but it was tender. “Yes, it is.”
“Then, thank you.”
“We all know that this isn't a competition of wit or strength, Ember. You are choosing lovers. Lasting lovers. Men not only to lay beside you but also fight beside you. This is about emotions. Your emotions. Emotions aren't quantifiable. They aren't a measure of a man's character or worth. In other words, we don't take it personally when you choose one of us.”
“You don't?”
“Well, I might take it personally if you don't fall in love with me now that we're getting to know each other.” His grin turned wicked. “But the rest of them won't blame you if you pick me. How could they?” He held out his arms to put himself on display.
I burst out laughing. “You sound like Nex.”
“Except I speak the truth.” Then he went serious, “Truly, Ember. Don't torture yourself like that. You're one of us, and Wraith Lords support each other. We all know this isn't easy for you either. And in the end, all that matters is that we end this war.”
“That's a good point.” I sipped my wine. “Thank you. I'll try to remember that.”
“There's something else bothering you.”
I blinked. “Damn. I always assumed you were a perceptive man. The way you watch everyone. But you're even more perceptive than I thought.”
“You haven't answered.”
I sighed and said one word, a name, “Jathalion.”
Taroc's eyes narrowed. “What happened with him? I've wondered. For a while there, I expected him to become your next lover.”
“So did I,” I muttered.
That lifted his brows.
I sighed. “Jathalion tries not to blame me for the death of his trainees, but he can't help it. ”
“Why would he blame you for that?”
“Because they stole the starfruit and took it far too early. They were anxious to become Wraith Lords and meet me before I had chosen all my lovers.”
