“No problem.” Jath put his training sword back, nodded to my men, and left the yard.
Once he was out of earshot, Rath asked, “Has he made any sexual advances toward you?”
Now was the time to tell them about our kiss. Kisses. Shit. If I told them, they might not let me train with him. So I found myself lying to the men I loved, “Uh, no.”
Fuck! Who was I becoming?
Rath frowned in the direction Jath had headed. “I get this strange feeling around him. As if he's both attracted to you and repelled.”
Holy fuck, talk about nailing it on the head.
I cleared my throat. “I, uh, I think it's that whole trainees thing, remember?”
“You think he still blames you for that?” Xae asked.
“I think he knows he shouldn't, so he's trying to be nice to me, but he does.”
Xae grunted and looked at Rath.
Rath shrugged.
“So, you guys wanna go upstairs and have makeup sex?” I asked.
That got them off the Jath thing fast.
We headed into the citadel holding hands and didn't let go until we were in our suite and had to use our hands to rapidly undress.
Chapter Forty
Two weeks passed. Death's attempts at conversation had lessened, I was progressing in my training with Jath, and I was starting to fall in love with Keltyr. It was hard not to love the big oaf. He was just so damn likable. And funny. I could always count on him to make me laugh. Things were going well. I was still following Taroc's advice and acting as if I could be with whoever I wanted. Most of the time it was just that—acting. But I mostly didn't worry about Xae or Rath anymore. They were trying to support me, and I had to let them.
So what was holding me back from sleeping with Kel?
I suppose it felt as if it was a step down the path of my destiny that I couldn't take back. Once I brought Keltyr into our collective, I would be expected to take more lovers.
Maybe it had a little to do with Jath too.
Every day at training, we would ignore whatever was between us. Or try to. I'd get distracted by the swordwork, but then I'd catch Jath staring at me. At first, my lovers attended the training sessions with me, but after it became obvious that Jath knew what he was doing and was actually making progress with me, they left us alone to do their own training on other pells.
That made it even worse. With my men beside me, Jath and I had been restrained. But once there was some distance between us, he started touching me when he didn't have to. He'd press against me from behind to “help me” get a proper hold on my weapon or show me the correct angle to put my body into. I caught him smelling my hair once. Things were getting hot between us, but he kept his distance at all other times. No more grabs in the corridors or kisses in the garden. I wasn't sure what Jath's game was. He may have been trying to seduce me, perhaps hoping I'd go to him one night. Or maybe he simply knew this was the only time I'd allow him to touch me.
And then there was Taroc.
Yeah, he had snagged my attention. Just as it was with Jath, I knew Taroc wanted me and knew why he wouldn't act on his desire. But with Taroc, it wasn't a case of something terrible keeping us apart. He was just waiting. Biding his time. Watching to see when we might be ready for each other. Well, not entirely waiting. I'd seen him go off with other Lords at night. He may be interested in something with me, maybe he'd even start chasing me soon, but he wasn't going to ignore his needs over a mere possibility.
And damn if that didn't make me want him even more.
Every time I saw Taroc leave a room with another Lord, I thought about what they were doing together. I imagined I was the one he had beneath him, and I pictured what his body would look like above me. What his cock looked like. It had to be huge. He gave off big dick intensity. Thinking about him got me so excited, I often lured Xae somewhere so we could fuck and then imagined it was Taroc taking me.
Sooooo fucked up. I know. But that's what the situation was doing to me. It was turning me into the kind of guy who fucked a man he loved while thinking about his next possible lover. It made me cringe and sometimes it kept me up at night. But I still did it.
The really messed up thing was that Taroc was right. Thinking about three different men while trying to keep two lovers happy was a recipe for insanity. I could have multiple lovers, but I had to focus on one new man at a time. So I tried my best to put Taroc and Jath out of my mind and focus on Kel when I was with him.
“What you thinking 'bout?” Kel asked.
I turned to look at him. We were lying on a blanket in the grass, digesting our lunch while watching the clouds float by. He was as handsome as ever, the sunlight brightening his eyes. Blue eyes. Like Xae's. And Taroc's. But each with a different shade. If I placed the three of them side by side and organized them by color intensity, I'd put Xae on one end, Taroc on the other, and Kel in the middle. Oh, fuck, what a beautiful picture that conjured. I must have a thing for blue eyes.
The Corrupter's eyes were blue too.
