I started remembering all the little looks Jath had given me and reanalyzed them.I've got you, Ember,his voice rang in my memories, the tone unmistakably intimate. At the Imperial Palace, when I had said I was trying to find another lover and had a possibility, he had flinched. Not twitched.Flinched. He wanted to be that possibility! And here he was now, sitting across from me, his wings nervously rustling as he watched me with my men.
“Holy shit,” I whispered.
The skin around Jath's eyes twitched as he met my stare.
“What's wrong?” Rath asked.
I jerked out of my epiphany and looked over at Rath. “Uh, nothing. I was just thinking about . . . things.” I glanced at Jath, then returned to eating.
I could feel Rath staring at me. Xae too. But they let it go. Rath just stroked my back, then went back to his food. As they ate, I kept glancing up, and every time I did, Jath's eyes were on me.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
I spent most of the meal thinking about Jath and what to do about him. I wanted him. He wanted me. The problem was all on his end. Perhaps the idea of sharing me added to his reluctance. There were all kinds of reasons he could be against a relationship with me. I mean, in addition to the obvious. So what could I do to get him over that?
I wasn't a tactical genius. I didn't come up with a brilliant plan by the time lunch was over. All I could think of was what had gotten a reaction out of Jath so far. My affection for my lovers got under his skin—as evidenced by his clenching hands and narrowed eyes every time one of them touched me. But his biggest reaction had been to my mention of Keltyr.
Kel. Fuck. I really liked him too. And he openly liked me back. Keltyr didn't have any hangups about me. He didn't blame me for deaths I had nothing to do with. He didn't care that I had other lovers. And he made me laugh. Perhaps the solution to the Jath issue was simply to do what made me happy. Currently, what made me happy was being with Xae and Rath. And Keltyr. I wanted to feel more of what Kel made me feel. He was good for me in so many ways, the biggest of which was lightening the heaviness in my heart. Life had been lonely for me before, but then I came to the citadel, and my loneliness vanished. I even found love, amazing love, but life also got scarier. More dangerous. I was happy here and immensely grateful to have this new life, but it wasn't an easy one.
Keltyr made it easier.
I set my fork down as an odd fluttering filled my chest. The old Ember would be shocked and even horrified that I could feel so much for so many men, but this new me had vowed to be different. Stronger. Less scared. Open to new experiences. So I would embrace these emotions, not bury them. I would celebrate what both Jath and Kel made me feel. I was the lucky one after all. I got to fall in love with more than one man, and maybe even have them.
“Ember?” Xae asked.
“Would you two mind if I hung out with Keltyr today? I think I need to nurture what we have going.”
Xae's jaw clenched, but Rath said, “Of course, love. I'll help Xae with his magic training. We'll see you tonight.”
“Thanks.” I kissed him. Just a peck on the lips, but I lingered over it. Then I turned and did the same with Xae. Xae growled and pulled me into an embrace, deepening the kiss. Finally, I pushed back and grinned at him. “I love you too. And don't worry.” I leaned in to whisper in his ear, “I'll ride you hard tonight for being such a good sport.”
Xae's erection was sudden and almost violent, shoving against me as if it wanted that ride right now. But he loosened his grip and nodded. “I'll look forward to it.”
“So I see.” I kissed his cheek, then got up. Looking back at my men, I also caught a glimpse of Jath. He was not happy. “See you later.”
Smiling to myself, I left the dining hall. Could I really get Jath by being with Keltyr? How perfect. And wasn't that how I should be living? Just doing what makes me happy and not worrying about other people's issues. If Jath wanted me, he knew where to find me, but I wasn't going to wait around and pine for him. I had men to fall in love with. It was my destiny.
“Holy shit, I'm actually enjoying this,” I whispered as I headed upstairs. “And why not?” I straightened my shoulders. “Nex is so right. I keep saying that, but I mean it now. I've got it good. I've . . .” My steps faltered as I thought of Rath's face. He had let me go, encouraged me even, but his jaw had been clenched and his eyes tense. “Damn it!” I fell back against the stone wall, squeezed my eyes shut, and slapped the stone in frustration. “No! Nope, I'm going to do this. I'm going to fall in love with someone else, and then Rath and Xae will accept him. It will be all right.”
“Ember,” a soft, deep voice popped my eyes open.
“Oh, hey, Taroc,” I whispered.
The Tytra Wraith Lord laid a heavy hand on my shoulder. “You don't look well.”
I stared at him. He was massive. Even bigger than Xae. And yet, he never felt intimidating, never used his presence as a tool as some men his size did. Taroc was a quiet man, but not in the way Xae was. He wasn't moody or introverted. I'd seen him relaxing with the other Wraith Lords, playing games, wrestling, and the like. I just didn't hear him a lot because he held his tongue until he needed to speak. But when he did speak, people listened. Five words, that's all he had said to me just now, and none of them were a revelation. Yet, I was eager to hear more.
Or maybe itwasTaroc's presence that affected me. Not his bulk, but his general attractiveness. Raven black hair swept back from his forehead, held in a low ponytail that was just a few inches long. The severe style set his stunning features on sharp display and the true-black enhanced the blue of his temple scales and eyes. Fuck, his eyes were phenomenal. Bright jewel-blue, fringed in thick lashes. And that jawline. It went on forever.
Among the throng of bold, outspoken men in the citadel, Taroc's quiet, steady, unassuming nature was a camouflage. I'd looked at him before, but never really seen him. He faded into the background. And I had the impression that he preferred it that way. Well, not anymore. Now, I'd seen him, and I couldn't look away. His silence would be a beacon for me. The eye in the storm that everything revolved around. And all it had taken was one touch and five words. Damn.
Was he into men? My mind raced, trying to come up with the answer. There were so many Lords in the citadel. I had been introduced to everyone, but I still didn't know all their names. I knew Taroc though. Even when I hadn't seen him, I'd seen him. He'd made more of an impression than I'd thought. The very thing that had hidden his handsomeness had also made him stand out to me. As soon as I realized that, memories surfaced. I saw Taroc leading other Wraith Lords up to his bedroom. My mind focused harder, and I recalled him touching other men in ways that cleared all doubt. Taroc was at least bisexual. And yet, he had never flirted with me. Never looked at me with anything other than friendly interest. I hadn't even thought of him as a possibility until that very moment.
“Holy fuck,” I whispered.
“What?” Taroc asked, his hand lowering.
I swallowed roughly. Another man who made my breath catch. Dropped into my lap. As I was going to find Keltyr. Holy fucking fuck. “Uh, um. Taroc, why have you never, um, tried to . . .”
