Then Jath spun around and came back to fly beside me, grinning broadly. The breath caught in my throat. I'd seen him smile before but not like this. Not with his entire soul shining through his eyes and moonlight edging his wings in silver. He was in his element, in so many ways.
I grinned back at Jath. Suddenly, flying wasn't so scary. I trusted my magic, of course, but it wasn't that. It was Jath. His joy was infectious. I saw the greatness of flight in every line of his body. The freedom. It felt as if the entire world were mine, laid out below us for me to explore at will. Fading was a great way to travel, but you missed so much. With flying, you got to see it all.
I whooped and spun into a dive. Jath chased me, laughing as he flew. But his wings couldn't maneuver him like Air could move me. I twirled and ducked, bent backward and stretched flat, then circled him.
Jath finally hovered in place, his expression one of wonder. “You're magnificent!”
I shot upward, arms at my side, as if I were diving through water instead of air. Then I stopped abruptly before him and grinned. “Thank you. This is—”
Jath grabbed me by the arms, pulled me in against his chest, and kissed me.
I blanked out. My thoughts were simply gone for a few blissful moments. Oh, the feel of his lips on mine. The triumph in having what I'd wanted for so long. My longing finally finding a release. Then thoughts returned, screaming in my mind that this man hated me. That he was the last person I wanted to kiss. But that was old news. Jath was obviously moving on, and I . . . shit, I wanted to kiss him. The contact was almost effervescent, sending bubbles through my body like the ones in the sparkling wine I'd drank. His lips were a velvet caress. His tongue harder, more demanding. A perfect complement to each other. Flying filled me with a sense of freedom and that freedom melded with the feelings Jath summoned. They blended until I was certain it wasn't flying that was making me giddy anymore.
It was Jath.
Fuck, Jath's body felt perfect against mine. And I loved the brush of his feathers on my arms. I was clutching him back. Tightly. So tightly I could feel his nipples pebbled against my chest. And below, things were stirring on both of us.
There was no hesitation as there had been with Keltyr. I had a moment of guilt over that. Kel was fantastic, and I had enjoyed every minute with him, but he didn't sweep me up into a place where nothing mattered but us. He was just as handsome as Jath, and I loved being around him. I couldn't understand why he didn't make me feel the way Jath did. This wondrous ecstasy, my heart racing with the thrill of every touch. I never wanted to land.
Then Jath pulled back and stared at me.
I knew the second Jath remembered his dead. His eyes clouded with pain, then guilt. His lips tightened and his hold on me loosened. I broke away from him before he could reject me further. Had I been soaring on Air and romance? Now, I was falling and lamenting how high I'd gone. The higher you go, the harder you hit the ground.
Before Jath could say anything, I dove and turned about, shooting back to the citadel like an arrow from a bow. Jath didn't call after me nor did he give chase. He stayed there, hovering in that cold sky, and watched me flee. I know because after I landed on the roof, I looked back, and he was still where I'd left him. I couldn't see his eyes, but I knew his stare was as I'd left it as well—condemning me for something I didn't do.
“Fuck, this shit,” I muttered as I stomped back into the keep.
Chapter Nineteen
I had kissed two men in one night. Two men who weren't Xaedren and Ratharin. As I returned to our suite, my feet began to drag and my shoulders hunched. This wasn't me. I couldn't traipse around with men I wasn't committed to. I mean, not like I'd had a lot of practice with men or had done much traipsing. Hold on, what was traipsing anyway?
I shook my head at myself. My mind was trying to distract me from cheating on my lovers. Yes, I'd had their approval, in a way, but it still felt like cheating. Especially with Jath. If he had taken us down—maybe to the forest or even to the stone roof of the citadel's keep—and tried to fuck me, I would have let him. I wouldn't have been able to stop myself. I guess his not wanting me was still messing with my head. It kind of made me feel bad about Keltyr too, as if I was betraying him by kissing another man on the night of our first date. Again, another man who wasn't one of my lovers.
“Ugh, this is a ridiculous mess,” I muttered as I entered the suite.
Then I stopped short.
Xae and Rath were waiting for me in the front room, sitting in armchairs across from each other. Not speaking.
“Hey,” I said and closed the door.
“Sit down, Ember.” Rath waved me toward the couch.
I went to the couch and sat down. “I'm sorry I walked out, but if I had stuck around, I would have said something—”
“It's all right,” Xae cut me off. “It was probably good that you left. It gave Rath and me some time to think.”
“And talk,” Rath added. “We need some rules.”
I waved my hand in an agreeing motion. “I just said something similar to Kel tonight.”
“What do you mean?” Xae asked.
“I told him I didn't know what I could do with him, how far I could go. It's not as if I was about to fuck him on our first night out, but I would have liked to have known what was acceptable. I mean, what you two would have been all right with.”
Xae's face had gone twitchy during my speech, his eyes narrowing. His response was a low growl.
“Xaedren is still dealing with his wolf,” Rath said. “He knows you need to do this and that it will be all right in the end.” He gave Xae a stern look.
