“Yeah, I suppose so. It feels endless, this war. At least it did until you showed up. You've given us hope, Ember. That's why everyone is so eager to be with you. It's not just the power. It's also the possibility of peace. Of laying down our arms at last. That and you're beautiful.” He winked.
“I like you, Kel. I have from the beginning, but I've never felt drawn to you.”
“Until tonight?” he asked hopefully.
I smiled.
“Fuck,” Kel muttered. “I knew it. Why are we here, Ember? Why did you agree to come out with me if you aren't interested?”
“I'm a little interested, and I need to find another lover.” I paused as my words registered with me. “Fuck, I've been so upset about men chasing after me when they don't really want me, and yet, here I am, doing it in reverse.”
“So, you don't really want me?”
“No, I didn't mean it like that. I do want you.”
“A little.”
“Yes, a little.” I sighed and rubbed at my face. “Look, Kel, I know if I don't try, I'll never take another lover. And if I don't take another lover, the war will never end. That hope you mentioned will turn into hopelessness. So, I'm trying. I chose you because I know you're interested in me, not just what I can give you.”
“No, I'm pretty much just interested in what you can give me.”
“What?” I gaped at him.
“Yup.” Kel grinned. “You can give me your plump little ass and your sweet mouth and your tight grip around my—”
“All right,” I cut him off and laughed. “I'm glad you're over the me liking you a little thing.”
He shrugged. “It stings. But it's nice to hear that you trust me.”
“I do. I trust that if I fall for you, there's a chance you might return my feelings. And that's big. It's what sets you apart from everyone else.”
“A chance,” Kel whispered. “Right. All relationships are about taking a chance.”
“Yes, I know. We've already discussed that, and I'm not trying to bring it up again. I get that there are no guarantees. But with you, the odds are better.”
“Why do think that?”
I shook my head at him. “I just told you.”
“No, you implied it. I want to hear you say it.” He stopped walking, grabbed my arm to halt me as well, and turned us to face each other. “Say it. Tell me why you can't trust the men who sacrifice every day for our world.”
Fuck. Had I wanted Kel to get serious? Well, I got what I asked for.
“I trust them as Wraith Lords,” I said. “I trust that they would protect me if needed and avenge me if it came to that. I trust in their goodness and honor. But I don't trust their intentions. Not toward me.”
“Why not? We're all simple men. We fight, we fuck, and sometimes, we fall in love. Why don't you think they could fall for you?”
“Because they aren't pursuing me for me. They want the power. And I get that. I get that more than anyone. I'm on the opposite end, with the weight of it on my shoulders. I know how much hangs in the balance. So, I'm not mad at them for sacrificingyet againso they can get the power they need to fight the Corrupter and end the war. I just—”
“Sacrificing?” Kel snorted a laugh. “You think being with you would be a sacrifice?”
“Yeah, it would for someone who doesn't want to be with me. Not truly.”
“Why do you think they don't truly want to be with you?”
“Uh, because before my special talent was revealed, most of them weren't interested in me.” I held up my hand when he opened his mouth. “Or they were just interested infuckingme. None of them wanted more than that. They wanted to try out the new bottom in the citadel. They wanted a bit of fun. I know because most of them flat-out told me that. I remember trying to get to know Jusso once, and he basically told me he'd fuck me, but he didn't have time to make friends.”
Keltyr snorted. “That sounds like Jusso. I'll bet he regrets that shit now.”
