“All right, love,” Xae said gently.
A moment passed, in which he doubtless exchanged some silent communication with the Emperor, but I didn't care. I refused to open my eyes or let go. I was done listening to the Emperor's non-commands. A few seconds later, we were moving without moving, and when I opened my eyes again, we were back in Xaedren's bedroom.
Chapter Thirty-Two
“Ember,” Xae said as he cupped my face.
“No.” I met his beautiful stare and shook my head in his hands. “I won't do it.”
“I will be all right.”
“No, you won't.”
“I will . . . eventually.”
“Xae, you are more important to me than everyone else in the world.” I pulled his hands down and held them. “I don't give a fuck about this war if winning it means hurting you. I'll do what I can to help, but I'm not taking another lover. I know you. If I fall in love with another man, it will hurt you more than if I had meaningless sex with him. So, let the world crumble. Let the corruption spread. I don't give a fuck as long as you're happy and you love me.”
Xaedren made a soft sound, a catch of breath, then swept me up and kissed me tenderly. Tenderly, yet deeply. It wasn't a passionate kiss. This was about love and only love. I felt it in every movement of his lips. In the way he held me and stroked my back. In the way he moaned and sighed. In the steady beating of his heart. And I felt that piece of me inside him. It rose beneath my palm, gathering over his heart and spreading across his chest.
Xaedren pulled back and looked down at his chest. “I feel you again.”
“I feel it too.” I looked up and met his stare. “You have my love in you now. It's right there for you to feel if you should ever wonder how much I love you. You will carry it with you forever. No one can take this from us. I won't let them.”
“You're right.” He covered my hand with his, then leaned his forehead against mine. “This is what I needed, Ember. Here is proof of our love. Something real that belongs only to us. With this, withyouinside me, I can accept what needs to be.”
“What?” I whispered and pulled away from him.
“Go to Ratharin. I give my consent. Our love is strong enough to survive this.”
“What?!” I shrieked.
“Ember, you love me enough to let the entire world suffer. It sounds terrible, but I find beauty in that brutality. I love you even more for it. And I would destroy the world for you too, my love. But this will not destroy us. It will make us stronger. We can have loveandvictory.”
“Victory?” I gaped at him. “You want to put our love on the line for victory?”
“I'm talking about a victory that will save millions of lives, Ember.”
“I only care about your life! Yours and mine!”
“Ember, please. This is hard for me too.”
“But you're doing it anyway! Even after I swore to be true to you.” I made a wordless shriek of frustration.
“You will have the love of many men. Isn't that a good thing?”
“What the actual fuck?” I growled. “I don't want the love of many men. I want your love. That's it.”
“And that gives me the security I need to share you.”
“Share me? You . . . oh!” I stormed to the door, slung it open, then turned to point at him. “You dickhead!” I slammed the door on my way out.
Chapter Thirty-Three
By the next day, word spread about what had happened in the Ladrin village, but not about our meeting with the Emperor. Both Xaedren and I remained quiet about that. Not that I was surprised. I couldn't imagine him going around the citadel, telling everyone that his lover had to find more Lords to fall in love with for the good of the world.
“The good of the world,” I muttered to myself. “It's ridiculous. And the Emperor isn't even sure if that's what the Goddess meant.”
“What was that, Ember?” Master Resar asked as he stepped closer.
