“Maybe he came back and went to sleep,” I said as I put my book down. “I'll just go check.”
I went to Xae's room and knocked again. No answer. I opened the door and peered inside. It was dark but with the light from the corridor, I could see that his bed was empty.
“Xae?” I went inside and shut the door behind me. “Light,” I called out the command to turn the overhead lantern on. “Xaedren?” I went to the bathroom, but that was empty too. “Oh, fuck,” I whispered, a terrible ache lashing through my chest. “No.” I started to pace. “What do I do? I can't fade to him. I don't even know where he is.” I crumpled onto his bed. It was a mess as usual. Xae kept everything tidy except for his bed. He didn't see the point in making it only to rumple everything when he went to sleep. And it smelled like him. “Xae,” I whispered as I lay down and pulled his blanket over me. “Fuck. Xae. Please, be all right.”
Fear made my skin go cold. I was well acquainted with the feeling, but to feel it for a Ladrin was startling. That's when I knew that I wasn't just falling for Xaedren, I'd fallen. I loved him. How could I not? He was incredible. I never dreamed I could have a man like him. And now, I might have lost him.
“Please, come home,” I whispered. Then I did something I hadn't done since before my parents were killed. I prayed. “Goddess, please look after Xaedren. He's one of yours, out doing your work. And I . . . I love him. I need him to come home or I won't be able to do what you need me to—”
The bedroom door opened.
I shot upright. “Xae?”
Xaedren frowned at me as he strode in. His hair was tangled (more so than normal), his boots muddy, and there was a leaf caught in his chainmaille shirt. “Ember? What are you doing here?”
“Xae!” I ran to him, smacking into his metal-clad chest and wrapping my arms around him. “Shit, that worked fast.”
“What are you talking about?” He held his arms out to the sides. “And stop that. I'm dirty. You shouldn't touch me.”
“I don't care.” I held on. Then I looked up at him. “I fucking prayed for you.”
“For me?” Xae scrunched up his face at me. “Why?”
“Why?!” I jerked back. “You were gone for hours! I thought you were hurt or . . .” I swallowed roughly. “And I couldn't do anything! I had to sit here and wait, worrying about you. I was waiting in my room, but I thought maybe you had come back and gone to bed, so I came here to check on you, then I sat down and . . .”
“And prayed?” he asked softly.
“Yeah.”
“For me.”
“Yeah, for you. I was fucking scared. Terrified.”
Xaedren's face twitched. Shivered. Shut down. He unbuckled the straps holding his weapons, tossed them to the side, and then bent over to shimmy his chainmaille shirt off. It made a shushing sound as it fell into a heap. He picked it up and slipped it over the shoulders of his armor rack. I watched him, waiting for some kind of response. But he just kept undressing. His strong hands went to the buckles of his bracers. They got set on a shelf by his armor stand. Buckles. So many straps. Weapons got laid in their proper places. Then his padded tunic was removed. That went onto a rack to dry. When he was down to his undershorts, I lost patience with his calm routine.
“Xae? Am I being too clingy? I'm sorry. I'll just go. I'll see you tomorrow. I won't be like this again.” I started to step past him, but his arm shot out, and he pulled me into an embrace.
Tucking his head over mine, he whispered, “I just needed to get my gear off before I held you.”
“Oh.”
“No one's ever worried about me enough to beseech the Goddess on my behalf.”
I thought to mention his mother who had surely done that, as all mothers do, but decided against it. Bringing up his dead parents might ruin what was perhaps the most romantic moment of my life.
So, instead, I looked up at him and said something just as shocking, “I love you.”
Xaedren gaped at me.
I bit my lip and held his gaze, refusing to back down.
Xae swallowed roughly. His breath came faster. Then he struck.
Yanking me up his body, off my feet, Xaedren brought me up to his level, into a kiss. His lips moved over mine urgently. Low growls came from his throat, vibrating into my mouth, and his scent, already intensified by his sweat, grew stronger. He was all I could smell, and I loved it. Wanted to rub my body over his and get that scent all over me. But I couldn't break away from the passion of his kiss. Xae's tongue lashed, then stroked, and his hands gripped me tight enough to bruise. I held him just as tightly, one arm braced around his shoulders and my legs wrapped around his waist. With my free hand, I stroked his face, then ran my fingers back into his hair until a tangle stopped me.
Xae growled at the tug, then eased back to look at me. “I'm dirty.”
“I don't care.”
