“Outhouse?” Nex hooted. “You barbarian.” He swept past me and went to a door to his right. “We have bathrooms here. They come equipped with toilets.”
“Toilets?”
“Oh, dear Goddess.” Nex shook his head. “Come here, kid. Take a look.” He waved a hand into the room.
I went over and stepped into the connected space. Stone slabs covered the floor but there was also a table with a sink set in it, like you'd find in a kitchen, but the table was topped in marble. A shower stall stood just past it, lined in the same green marble. A huge tub, I assumed it was for bathing even though there was a shower, sat opposite the stall, in a bowed-out nook with windows.
Nex strode past me, waving at each section of the room as he labeled them, “Sink. Turn the taps to get water. Shower. The same goes for it. Bathtub. Again, just turn the handles and water comes out of the faucet. Left for hot and right for cold. And this, kid, is a toilet. Think of it as an in-house outhouse.”
He opened a door and waved into a tiny room that was still larger than most outhouses. Instead of a wooden seat with a hole in it, there was a white stone basin with an attached pedestal, a lid, and a boxy thing at the back. A gold handle protruded from the side of the back piece. I'd never seen anything like it.
“I go in that?” I asked in horror. “Insidethe citadel? You guys shit in the same place you sleep, and you call me a barbarian?! You're disgusting!”
Nex burst out laughing. He laughed and laughed and laughed as I glared at him. Finally, he calmed enough to step inside the room and lift the lid on the basin. The basin was half full of water. The rim beneath the lid was shaped like a seat, but Nex lifted that too. They both folded up on hinges.
“Always lift the seat to piss,” he said. “You don't want to get piss on it.Thatwould be disgusting.” Then he unbuttoned his pants, pulled out his massive dick, and pissed in the basin.
I gaped at him. Partially because of the dick and partially because he waspissing in my room!
Then Nex tucked away his enormous appendage, did up his pants, and pushed down the golden handle. “Then you flush. See?” He waved at the basin as water rushed into it from somewhere beneath the rim and, defying all reason, the piss-filled water rushed down a hole in the bottom of the basin. Fresh water refilled the basin, and Nex pushed down the seat. “And always replace the seat after you pee. You don't want to come in to take a shit, sit down without looking, and land your ass in toilet water. Not that I'd know anything about that.” He winked at me.
I was still gaping at the basin. “Where did it go?”
“The piss?”
“Yes!”
“Through the plumbing. Pipes, Ember.” He smacked my shoulder. “Metal pipes run through the citadel's walls and floors. They bring fresh water to the sinks, tubs, and showers.” He went out into the main bathroom and waved at the faucets. “And they take the waste out to a cesspool.”
“Holy shit,” I whispered.
“No, kid. None of that shit is holy.” He grinned. “Even though some of it comes out of my divine ass.” He smacked his ass and smirked. “Go on, give it a try.” He waved at the toilet.
“Oh. Uh.” I went into the little room, shut the door, and peed in the toilet while Nex chortled.
“Are you feeling a little inadequate after seeing what nature bestowed on me?” he called through the door. “It's all right, kid. Everyone does. It's a blessing and a curse. I have to break in new lovers. It takes a lot of lubrication.”
I snickered and shook my head. There was something endearing about Nex and his non-stop nonsense. I liked him.
But I wasneverfucking him.
After I peed, I pushed down the handle, and the magic happened again. Fresh water rushed in and washed away the filth. I made a delighted sound, put down the seat, and opened the door.
“Is it Water Magic?” I asked.
“Magic?” Nex snorted. “No, kid. It's just gravity. It's all in the angles and water pressure.”
“Water pressure?”
“You had a shower in your home, right?”
“Outside, by the water collection tank.”
“Then you know how the water tank needs to be higher than your shower head for the water to flow?”
“Yes.”
“It's like that but on a grander scale. No magic, just water and pipes.”
