I looked over at Konstantin. We'd been walking, but I hadn't been paying attention. Now I realized that we were beyond the village, in the shade of the ancient larch trees my people had brought to Earth with us from our homeworld. They were a rare type of conifer that was also deciduous. In other words, they looked like pine trees, with their little cones and sharp needles, but those needles turned gold in autumn and fell to the ground in winter. Now, the trees were bare. Skeletal branches clawing at the sky.
“The humans, back when they knew of us, named these trees after us, as they named swans after the Lebedevs.” I laid a palm on the rough, broken bark of the enormous larch tree beside me.
“Because you brought them here.”
“Yes and because they're a lot like us.” I turned to look at him. “They grow tall and slim. They prefer the cold, even though the cold changes them. And they need space. Room to spread their branches and grow. Crowd a larch, and it withers away.”
“Misha, it will be all right.” Konstantin stepped closer and took my hand.
I pulled away from him. “You can't say that. I want to solve these murders. I want you to succeed so we can be together. But that might catapult my people into war.”
“Your people are just as bound as you are. They deserve the chance to free themselves.”
“And if that freedom is death?”
“No one goes to war without knowing the risks.”
“Kon, if we start a war by solving these murders, do you really think I'll leave with you? Just run off to America while my people fight and die?”
A muscle ticked in Konstantin's jaw.
“You do think that.” I made a soft huff of amazed disappointment. “I suppose that's fair. If I can't even stand up for myself, how could I fight in a war? Look at me; I'm powerless.”
“That's not what I was thinking.”
“Wasn't it?” My throat worked to hold back self-deprecating sorrow. My disappointment in myself. My embarrassment over the man I had become. “I wasn't always like this.”
“There is nothing wrong with you, Misha.” He reached for me again.
I stepped back further. “I thought I loved him once.”
Konstantin dropped his hand.
“He saved me. When I was a little boy, my village was attacked by humans. Nikolay brought his army to help us; he led the defense. I can still remember the cries of the humans when they spotted all those giant swans.”
“You don't owe him anything, no matter what he did.”
“I was four years old. My mother hid me under the floor, in the crawl space,” my voice broke.
“Misha.” Konstantin lurched forward and yanked me into his arms. “Go on, baby. Tell me all of it. I've got you.”
“They killed her right above me.” I laid my cheek on his chest and wrapped my arms around him. “Her blood seeped through the floorboards.”
He started smoothing my hair—a steady, repetitive motion that soothed me.
“Then I heard the humans shout. I heard them die. Still, I stayed hidden. It wasn't until I heard Nikolay's voice that I tried to lift the trap door. But I was too small. Too weak. I couldn't push it open. But I called out, and he heard me. Niko opened the door and pulled me out. His army killed the humans, all of them, but they were too late to save our village. I was the only survivor. Niko carried me back to the castle himself, in a sling he made from my old blanket.”
“That was kind of him. But it was also his duty, Mikhail. You don't owe him for it. If anything, he failed you by arriving too late to save your village.”
“Don't say that.” I lifted my head. “Nikolay has done a lot of terrible things, but I need to believe there is goodness in him too. I saw it that day. And in the days that followed. He made me a nobleman, a part of his court, so he could keep me at the castle and see to my upbringing.”
“For fuck's sake,” Konstantin growled and grabbed me by my upper arms. “Do you hear yourself? That man raised you, then made you his lover. Don't you see anything wrong with that?”
“It seemed natural to become his lover. He wasn't my father, but there was a bond between us. That bond led to physical intimacy.”
“Regardless of blood, it should have been a paternal bond, Mikhail. You don't raise a child and then bed them. That's reprehensible! The man is a fucking predator.”
“That's not true.”
