“We must get one of them to admit their crime. Give me some time to think about this. For now, try telling the Falcon Lord that I've helped you to remember and see how that goes.”
“No, fuck that.” I shook my head angrily. “He didn't trust me and he didn't stand by me when he specifically said he would. I'm not saying anything to Tae until I have proof, and then I'm going to shove it in his face and walk out.”
“But, Shane, you can't walk out. You're needed to—”
“Yes, I know. I'm needed to help end the war, and I will do that. Then I'm moving to Lek with the proceeds I earn from selling the palace the King gave me. I'm not going to let that asshole stop me from achieving my dreams.”
Avanla smiled sadly. “I hope you get everything you want, my sweet boy.”
“Well, let's start with shifting,” I said firmly. I had a goal now, and that made the heartbreak easier to bear.
At least, I hoped it would.
Chapter Thirty-Six
When I got home that night after Avanla helped me recover my memories, it was to find my clothing already moved into the tower that adjoined Tae's. I had to cross a bridge that dangled high over his property to get to my room, but it was nice to have a space of my own where I could avoid him. There was even a little library and a dining room in the massive tower. I had everything I needed there, and it became a sanctuary for me. In fact, I didn't see Taeven for the next several days. I don't know what he did with his days, but when I left for the Academy each morning, he was either gone already or still sleeping—I never checked.
After day three, I started to miss him horribly, but I kept seeing his furious face in my mind and it stopped me from seeking him out. I was still angry, of course, but I often wavered. I recalled that I had mistrusted everything about Tae without reason to, but he had never held that against me. Was it fair for me to be upset with him for not believing me with just cause? There were days when I felt sorry for myself and my anger would surge. On those days, the answer would be yes, it was fair for me to be upset with him because back when I hadn't trusted him, we didn't know each other, but he didn't trust meafterwe had become intimate. Tae should have at least attempted to figure out what happened instead of immediately discounting my protests.
Then there were days when the ache of missing him would overwhelm me and my anger would vanish. Everyone makes mistakes, and Tae had awoken to find me naked beneath the arm of his ex-lover—an ex-lover who lied about having sex with me. It was easy to understand how Taeven could refuse to believe me after that kind of evidence had been shoved in his face. Especially when all I had to dispute it with was a lame excuse that I couldn't remember. Those were the days when I considered telling him about Avanla's cure and my returned recollection. But I didn't want to face his contempt again. I didn't want to see that savagery fill his eyes without arousal to soften it. When I told him about everything, I wanted him to know that I was speaking the truth.
But Avanla and I were no closer to finding a way to force a confession from Thalsar and Sanasenne than we'd been that first day. How do you make someone admit something they don't want to admit? You must put them in a position where the alternative is worse. The problem was, what could be worse for Thalsar than admitting that he had orchestrated the whole thing? As far as I knew, he could be spending every night with Taeven—him and his princess. Thinking about the three of them together was enough to make me sick. Enough to make me dust off my hands and say “fuck 'em all.” But as much as I don't fight over a man, I don't quit when the going gets rough either. I wasn't going to freak out and run off like a child; I'd stay and face what happened like a man.
The good news was that I learned to shift, although that accomplishment was bittersweet without Tae to celebrate with me. Avanla took me out to dinner at a beautiful restaurant on the rooftop of a twenty-story building to celebrate, and I kept thinking about how I could shift and leap off the edge if I wanted to. But I also kept thinking about Tae. That being said, flying is about the most uplifting activity there is, and training to fly with Avanla put me in great spirits. The crisp air bothered me less in falcon form, and soaring over the valleys was one of my favorite things to do after my lessons every day. Up in the clouds, everything else became small. Irrelevant. It was easy to see how Tae had been tempted to leave everything behind and simply take to the air.
The process of my learning to fly had been amusing, and I wished many times that I could have shared it with Taeven. I imagined him standing to the side of the vast classroom, laughing uproariously every time I tumbled off the launching platform and fell onto the pile of cushions below.
Avanla had the flight platform built specifically for me. Evidently, young Falcons are simply shoved off a balcony in the highest tower as soon as they learn to shift. Their instincts take over, and they fly. I, however, had no natural instincts so Avanla took a safer route with me, and I'm grateful she did. If she hadn't, I'd be a smear on the courtyard stones.
Anyway, nearly two weeks had passed since my argument with Tae, and I had progressed in my studies, advancing well into my elemental magic lessons. After the failures of my flight training, I don't think either Avanla or I had high hopes for my progress, but it turned out that I had a knack for magic. I excelled so rapidly that we started to attract a crowd of both scholars and children. Other professors often offered to help with my training, as Master Rundel currently was. He was in falcon form while I held him aloft with air magic, giving him a current to glide on.
Then Taeven walked in.
A rush of love—sad, unrequited, aching, angry, betrayed love—rushed through me at the sight of the Falcon Lord. Unfortunately for Master Rundel, that emotion destabilized my magic, and he got blasted up to bash into the ceiling.
“Fuck!” I shouted and ran toward the floundering Falcon.
But Master Rundel wasn't a professor for nothing; he righted himself and glided to the ground.
“Are you all right?” I asked him, doing my best to keep from looking at Tae.
“I'm fine, Valorian,” Rundel said, having no such qualms about eyeing the warlord. “It appears that you're needed elsewhere.”
He shifted to Sidhe and slipped into a robe while the other professors ushered the children out of the room.
“Thanks for your help, Master Rundel,” I called after him as he left as well.
“I'll just be outside,” Avanla said with a heavy look at me, then Tae. “I'd advise you both to keep an open mind.”
Tae frowned in confusion at her as she left.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, not unkindly.
“The King has requested that we join him for dinner.” He tossed a bag at me. “I took the liberty of choosing some clothes for you to wear.”
I looked at the bag on the floor, then at Tae. Part of me wanted to refuse, but this was the first time I'd seen him in thirteen days and the other part of me—the part that was in the majority—wanted to spend time with him, even if it meant enduring his icy glares. I shrugged out of my clothes and into the ones he'd brought me.
“Don't do that!” Tae snapped.
