“I understand that,” I said gently. “But he's right. If you didn't intend to truly give him a chance with me, you should never have agreed to allow him to come here. Because of what he's done for Danu and me, you felt obliged to offer him this opportunity, but you secretly knew that he had no chance of attaining his goal. So, what you offered him was nothing. Is that why you stood up for him with Davorin? Because you felt guilty?”
Malik let out a low warning growl. “No, I don't feel guilty. I agreed to allow him to come here, but I also made my reservations clear. No, I don't expect him to join us, but that's more to do with your feelings than mine, Mvarra.”
“You're right, I don't want Braxis. I don't think he's meant to be in the Fusion. But I had to get over that and allow him the chance that I agreed to give him. You are the very one who convinced me to give him this chance and yet it's you who has taken that chance away. We're just wasting his time and torturing him for nothing, Mal.”
“What are you saying?”
“I'm saying that you have to make a decision; either you're against Braxis and you want him to leave—which is completely understandable—or you're willing to give him the chance we agreed upon. If you're holding to your word, it should be done honestly and in the spirit it was given.”
“I am not an oath breaker!” Malik snarled.
“I know.” I laid my hand on his cheek. “Which is why it's particularly hard for me to see you behaving like this. You're conflicted, and I understand that. So am I. You said yourself that you believe Braxis deserves a chance, but we aren't giving it to him. His past is not forgotten. It's left open wounds in all of us, and if we're going to be fair with him, we can't merely forgive him, we need to heal those wounds.”
“That's a lot to ask,” Malik said softly.
“That's the point, Malik.” I shook my head at both of our stubbornness. “A gift is worthless if it costs nothing.”
Malik's jaw clenched, his cheek fluttering, but I could feel through the mark that it wasn't anger he felt but guilt. He knew that's what we had offered Braxis—a worthless gift.
“We need to remember that I'm not innocent either,” I went on in a softer tone. “I murdered his men. I took people he loves away from him dishonorably. He tried to return that dishonor to me, and he failed. He failed because I fought him, but also because he knew what he was doing was wrong. I hurt him terribly, but Braxis never succeeded in truly hurting me. Instead, he saved my life and all of Danu.”
Malik let out a long sigh. “This is what I struggle with, Mvarra. That and the fact that I simply don't want you to be with him. You told us that you don't want Braxis andthatwas why we agreed to this. Yes, I knew that I could never let him mate you, but I thought it would never come to that. You made our gift worthless, not me.”
“Yes, I did. And perhaps this is my fault—my failure. But I also told you what I feel for him. I thought I had made it clear that as much as I don't want him, I know there's a chance that I could change.”
“You did make that clear.” Malik heaved out a breath and ran a hand down his face. “This whole thing is a complicated mess. I don't know what to do. Honor dictates that I uphold our agreement, but my heart is telling me to keep him away from you.”
“I'm scared, Mal. Every time that man speaks, my heart softens more to him. I have this feeling that he's meant to be here. That without him here, our lives would...” I trailed off.
“What?” Malik asked urgently. “Our lives would what, Mvarra? Did you remember something you saw when you were a goddess?”
“I get flashes. Feelings.” I shook my head. “Mal, I think we're fighting destiny. That's why we keep wavering back and forth. Our minds want one thing while fate is trying to lead us in another direction.”
“Fate,” he whispered as if it were a bad word.
“I'm going through the same things you are, sweetheart,” I reminded him. “I'm just as lost. I don't know if Braxis is meant to be here for a short time, as he was meant to be in Danu, or if he's meant to be with us forever, but I do feel strongly that he needs to be herenow. Despite that, despite all I've said, you matter more to me, Malik. If you want him to leave, I will ask him to go and that will be the end of it.”
Malik winced and closed his eyes. His mark tickled my neck with anxiety.
I took his hand. “I won't hold it against you if you want him gone. This has been rougher than we expected. But before you make a decision, know that if you agree to let Braxis stay, I'll need your support, Mal. I can't be fighting my mvarro.”
“I'm not fighting you, my love.” Malik stroked my cheek. “I'm fightingforyou.”
“I don't think you are,” I said gently. “Braxis is here to prove his worth and show all of us that he's meant to be a part of our fusion. We agreed to allow him to do that. That should mean that he gets a fair shot. I'm asking you to be fair if you let him stay. To suspend your judgments until the end.”
Malik sighed. “I spoke the truth, Mvarra. I can't allow him to mate you.”
“I know, but, Mal, that's something we can deal with when and if it comes up. There's no reason for you to fight with him about it now.”
“That wasn't why we fought,” Malik rumbled. “He insulted me, and I couldn't let it stand.”
“He did insult you, and I berated him for it before I came up here, but didn't you offer offense first? Wasn't your insult just as cutting? What Bleiten warrior could break bread with a man who called him a traitor?”
Malik grimaced. “I didn't start that conversation. I was just reacting to what he'd said.”
“I know, Mal.” I kissed him to remind him that he was the man I loved. “And I shouldn't have said that you abandoned me. I was reacting too. I'm sorry.”
Malik's breath came out brokenly and as he exhaled, he pulled me into an embrace.
