“By my horns, you are an exasperating woman!” Braxis shouted.
I frowned at him. Without my color magic, I couldn't look into his aura and know for certain if he was being honest. I had to go by what I saw and felt, and at that moment, I felt betrayed. Which was ridiculous. Braxis was my captor, not my savior, and definitely not my lover. I had let myself begin to like him, maybe even a little more than like, and that was what he had betrayed. He made me respect him and then snatched it away. He had kissed me as if he cared for me and I had fallen for it. But wasn't that exactly what I had intended to do to him? Did I have any right to feel this way? Maybe not, but he didn't know that.
“You heard them.” Braxis waved his hand toward the door. “Yousawthem. They need to know that I'm avenging our brothers. Damn you, Amara, stop looking at me like that.”
“You're right. It's my fault,” I said softly.
“What is?” He asked warily.
“Believing in you. Thinking that you were more than a villain in my story. You're good, I'll give you that. You had me for a minute there. Rusalla was a nice touch. All that stuff about you fighting for your people and how you were a kind man beneath all of this.” I waved a hand at him and snorted. “When all along, it was part of your plan. Abuse me and then be kind to me. Bargain me into submission and then use that to wheedle your way into my good graces until I gave you what you wanted.”
“Oh?” He asked scathingly. “And what's that. What do you think I want, Your Majesty?”
“A way home.” I waved off whatever he was about to say. “I don't blame you. How can I when it's exactly what I want for myself. No, I applaud your cunning, Braxis. I completely forgot that mating me would give you a hold over Lucifer. I forgot how you stood before Lucifer and Malik and told them that you were keeping me despite the contract Lucifer offered you—that I would be your insurance. You made me believe that you had changed. You made mewantto believe. Well done.”
“That isn't true,” he growled. “Yes, I've plotted against you before but I've begun to see you—truly see you—and my goalshavechanged. I do want to get my people back to Hell and yes, mating you will help us in that regard, but I want you now, Amara.You, not what you can do for me and not to take my vengeance out upon you. Can't you see that?” He grabbed my hand and pressed it to his chest. “Can't youfeelit?”
“I don't know,” I whispered, feeling only my convictions faltering. “I don't know what to believe.”
Braxis made a soft, chiding sound. “It's your magic, isn't it? You don't know how to read people without it.”
“Colors never lie,” I murmured.
“No. But you've allowed them to become a crutch for you. And now I've forced you to see the world without them and you're floundering, pretty pixie. You never learned how to judge a man by his actionsandhis words. So, let this be your first lesson. Analyze what I just did. Consider how I went to face Granelt in a rage—a rage that I couldn't have faked—but how my rage vanished when he confronted me and told me what he wanted of you. Why would I change so rapidly? What could possibly have made me go from a killing fury into cold calculation?”
“I don't know,” I murmured.
“Yes, you do,” he insisted. “I was afraid.For you, Amara. I feared what they would do to you and I scrambled for a way to save you. I faced the men I love like brothers and lied to them for you. I told them what they needed to hear so I could keep you safe. Those are men who I've known for most of my life. Men I have fought beside and who have followed me into exile. But I couldn't allow them to hurt you. The thought of even one of them touching you makes me—” His jaw clenched and his eyes flashed red. “I would tear them to pieces—those same men who are like family to me. I would kill them before I let them touch you and that saddens me greatly.”
“It saddens you that you'd protect me?” I whispered.
“Yes!” Braxis snarled. “I should throw you to them. I should stand aside and watch and laugh as they take you. I promised them vengeance. I promised that you would suffer as our brothers did. But I can't fulfill those promises now. I look at you and I don't want your pain. I want...”
“What do you want, Braxis?” I asked softly.
“I want to protect you. I want to see you smile. I want to kiss you and hold you against my body and yes, I want to bed you. I want it very badly. But I don't want to hear your screams of pain and I never want to see you on your knees, retching because of what I've done to you. You've made me realize that I've lost who I am. I told you once that I was willing to become a rapist to avenge my brothers, but I didn't understand what that meant, Amara. I didn't know what evil felt like. I don't want to be that man.”
I swallowed convulsively. His hand reached out and brushed at my face. Was I crying? Why was I crying?Sweet summer sap, Amara, get it together. He's playing you again.But was he? Braxis was wrong about the way I see people. I prided myself on being a pretty good judge of character. Did my color magic help me? Yes, of course, but so did Landry. Landry had taught me to truly see people. But things were so complicated with Braxis. The way I saw him was colored by more than his aura, it was painted by our shared past. When I thought he had betrayed me, I had lost a little of my ability to read him. I had become biased. But what Braxis said did remind me of what Landry had taught me—how to look deeper than emotions and words. How to see a man even without color.
Did it make sense that Braxis had a plan beyond that of getting me into his bed? Of course, it did, and that was still likely the case. But I had seen the fury in his eyes—that was one color that he hadn't taken from me—and I'd seen the fear in the way he hesitated before them. He'd been reaching for reasons, trying to convince them to stand down. That hadn't been a planned speech, it had been desperate words meant to mollify.
“So, where does this leave us?” I finally asked.
Braxis smiled softly. “I don't know but I'm hoping you don't hate me anymore.”
“I don't think I do,” I whispered.
“Good. Because I don't hate you either.” Braxis pulled me into a tender embrace and held me as our racing hearts calmed.
What the hell just happened?
Chapter Forty
I didn't try to escape that night. I told myself that it was because I hadn't found the docking bay and would only get lost again but when morning came, the excuse seemed weak. I was silent through breakfast and Braxis had just started to say something when one of the warriors stepped up to us.
“We're approaching Agranen, Chief,” the warrior said.
“Good. Gather the teams. I'll meet you at the docking bay.” Braxis stood and helped me to my feet.
