“There's nothing to forgive, Ellie.” Banning kissed my forehead and stepped back for Slate.
“I love you, Gargoyle,” I said as Slate lowered his face to mine. “I never stopped, it just got hidden for awhile.”
“I know.Weknow,” Slate said against my lips. “It's okay, sweetheart. Just lay that love on me now.”
“Welcome back, my fire.” Darc was the last to hold me and he did so gently—one palm pressed against my back while he caressed my cheek with the other.
“I heard you,” I whispered as I laid my hand over his. “That day in the sea, I heard you shout in despair. The sound of your sorrow will haunt me.”
“Do not permit it to,” he urged. “It's gone now, dispersed like that watery form. Instead of being haunted by it, rejoice with me over its absence.”
I shouldn't have been shocked by how quickly they forgave me and moved on. We'd been through much worse than this before and for a far longer time. This had only been a few days, though it had felt like forever. Still, I was amazed by their complete lack of anger or even a hint of reprimand. And I was so grateful. Not just for them either. I slipped away from my guys and went to hug my aunts and uncle, thanking each of them for coming to help me.
“Always, Elaria,” Adelaid said gently. “If you need us, we're here.”
“As you have been for us,” Eilener reminded me. “That's what family does.”
“I'm going to have that song stuck in my head all day,” I said to Genevieve with a smile.
“It's not my favorite song of his, but it's a good one.” Genevieve kissed my cheek. “Now that you're free, the rest is up to you, El.”
“I know.” I turned back to face my men—Verin stood off to the side, looking heartbroken and resolved and so fucking beautiful that I wanted to smack him. “I'll do my best.”
“I suppose you'll want your own room now,” Banning said to Verin.
Verin frowned.
“This isn't over.” Banning shifted his stare to all of us, then back to Verin. “The spell is gone and that's wonderful, but someone is still trying to kill Elaria. I assumed that you'd want to stay to help us find our enemy and stop her.”
“As you said, she isourenemy,” Verin declared and lifted his chin. “I won't leave until that witch is dead and Elaria is safe.”
Banning grinned in approval. “As I thought. Come on, Dragon, let's find you a new room.”
Chapter Forty-One
I tried not to stare after Verin forlornly. Instead, I bid my aunts and uncle goodbye and went to sit with my men and finish my mimosa. My chest was tight and hard as if any sudden movement could crack it open and expose the bleeding heart within. I was angry at Verin even while I admired his commitment to his people. I expected a lot from love, I suppose. I expected commitment to it above all else, courage to defend it, and unwavering loyalty. I expected it to be the most important thing in both of our lives. That's a lot. Not everyone can give that much. Not everyone loves like I do and maybe that's a good thing. I love selfishly. Perhaps even viciously. I care about people other than my lovers, of course, but my guys come first and I'm ruthless about it. With the exception of my parents and Cerberus, there wasn't anyone I wouldn't hurt if it meant saving the men I loved. Maybe that's dishonorable. Maybe it's downright evil. I don't know and I don't give one tiny pixie fuck.
But Verin did give a fuck and damn if I didn't love him more for it. He wouldn't turn on the people who depended on him, not even for me, and that was admirable. It also burned my butt to no end and made me ache with sadness. I was overjoyed to be reunited with Torin, Darc, Banning, Declan, Gage, and Slate. Sweet stones, I hadsixmen to love. All of that happiness should have been enough to wash away the pain of losing a man I'd only loved for a few days. But it wasn't. Heartache is a funny, fickle thing—a tenacious wound that festers easily. It can bleed within a wealth of love and never be healed. It just sits there, black and bleak, and throbs like a sore tooth, seeping gunk all over my happiness.
Banning returned without Verin. He sat down across from me and met my stare. “He needs some time to be alone.”
I closed my eyes and let out a long breath. “I'm sorry. I know this isn't fair to all of you—me pining for him when I should be thrilled to be free of that spell and back with you.”
“We don't expect that,” Darc said gently. “You've been through a traumatic event, one that's changed you. We understand that you'll need some time to process.”
“I sang to him,” I admitted. “I sang to him and I think it made the spell stronger.”
“We know, little bird,” Torin said. “RS told us.”
“Did she tell you that I felt nothing for you afterward?” I whispered shamefully. “That my song buried my love for all of you so deep that I couldn't feel it?”
“El, don't do this,” Gage said sternly. “We don't blame you. You don't have to sit here and make a confession to us. There's nothing to forgive.”
“I'm still asking,” I said brokenly. “Please forgive me.”
“That's it!” Slate stood up. “I'm going to have a word with that motherfucker.”
“Slate, no,” I begged. “Leave Verin be. He's having a hard time too.”
