“You remember when I went to work at Millie’s?” I asked, and she made an “uh-huh” sound. “You remember Cheryl?”
Rhiannon snorted. “Who could forget Cheryl in a town the size of ours.”
Wincing, I sighed. “Yeah. Well, I was fifteen when I started washing dishes there for extra cash, right? I…I guess I was; I don’t know.” I sat up after all and felt like pacing, but I stayed seated and stared out of Rhiannon’s back windows.
She didn’t prompt me at all, just waited me out, which was an excellent strategy.
“I know now what she did was grooming. Back then I don’t think we had that sort of terminology in common use.”
Rhi gasped. “No,” she blurted out.
“Yes. You know how hypersexual she was, how much people talked about her sleeping around.”
“Yeah, but it was mostly with the truckers and the single guys in town.”
“And some married ones. And some barely legal ones.” I sighed. “I didn’t know what to do with the attention. It was…flattering, I suppose? But at the same time not?”
“Because she slept around?”
“I guess that was part of it.” I rubbed my hand over my face. “She slept with Dad at least once.”
Rhi’s eyes widened. “Shewhat?”
“I’d been working there for almost a year. She was hinting at me getting to do the cooking in the back when Old Man Gary was having his bad days.” I got up and started to pace after all. “She said she would let me cook even more, but she couldn’t take Gary’s job, right? So, if I was good and grateful and…and because I was so smart and mature…” I felt sick to my stomach suddenly.
“That bitch!”
“I won’t go into detail, that’s not…it’s not important. But one night I had been washing the dishes really late, hoping to get some more money because we really needed it. Mom was already drinking a shit ton. I don’t think Dad had been home in over two months at that point.” I cleared my throat despite feeling I needed to hurl. “I fell asleep on the couch in the break room and…” I could remember how she smelled in that moment. I could remember the tobacco smoke and the cheap perfume and the stink of grease always present in the diner. “I woke up to her riding me. S-she told me I had a better dick than my dad.”
Rhiannon jumped off the couch, looking green around the gills, and stepped into my path. Then she threw her arms around me and squeezed hard.
“I’m so sorry, bubba. I’m so fucking sorry that happened to you.”
“I’ve never told anyone before,” I managed to say, before I collapsed right there on her cozy rug, taking us both down.
I thought I’d cried enough already, but I started again. This time, I didn’t stop until I had no tears left.
* * * *
Couple of hours later, I’d taken a shower and tried to hydrate myself by drinking a bunch of water. Rhi had ordered takeout and was waiting for it in the kitchen while I put myself back together. Well, as much as I could, I suppose.
I knew what Rhiannon would say. She’d tell me I was nothing like Cheryl, and logically I knew that.
This wasn’t the same. I wasn’t a fucking whatever-phile who hunted for and groomed teenaged boys. Iknewthat.
But it didn’t matter if some part of me had formed this block where I’d sworn I’d never take advantage. Not in any way. This situation with Rey, it made no sense. On the surface we had things in common, but we were worlds apart in life experience. Nearly twenty fucking years in age.
My brain just couldn’t let that go. I’d wait it out. Somehow.
First, there’d be Christmas and then New Year’s, and I wouldn’t be at Twin Star for either of those. Then I’d travel to Big Bear to man the kitchen of Glenn’s lodge for a few months because that was where he’d be instead of Norway this time.
By then, Rey would’ve turned eighteen. I didn’t know when his birthday was exactly, but I knew it was in February.
And maybe after that, if Rey hadn’t moved on, I could get my brain to unlock that part of me that was making my heart suffer worse than I’d ever suffered before.
My lip took over a week to heal.
Chapter 21
