I felt odd around them though. Not the kittens, but the happy couples around me. It hit me Friday night that I was jealous. Because I wanted that, too.
I never had before. I’d been content with being single and free as a bird to take whichever job I wanted whenever I wanted.
Sure, Lake had sat me down the other day to tell me that I had a place here, working for them full time, if I wanted it. They already paid me whenever I stayed for longer than a week, always had, and while the money wasn’t huge, it came with room and board, so that counted for a lot.
Besides, I loved this place and the people. This was my home.
Ruth had once asked me if I found it tricky to be paid to cook in my own home. That had been the pivotal moment for me. I might’ve just hugged her and sobbed for a while when she asked that.
Then, in true Ruth style, eyes sparkling with mischief, she’d asked if I wanted a raise.
I missed her so much. Everyone who had met her did.
She would’ve loved Lake and the others. Hell, shehadloved Lake from afar, despite only meeting him once. That was why she’d left the rescue to him, without knowing if he even wanted it.
She would’ve adored River’s worrying and caring, and she’d enjoyed the hell out of Rey’s inquisitive mind and innate kindness.
It was early on Saturday morning. I stood at the back windows of the house, looking at the snow that slowly drifted down from the clouds.
I clutched my coffee mug and tried to not feel claustrophobic. I could’ve blamed it all on the fact that by this time I would’ve normally already been gone. I might’ve not been the bravest when it came to feelings, but I wasn’t enough of a coward to blame it on some make-believe yearly rhythm.
No, I felt wrong here, because I knew I’d lost my heart, my fuckingsoul, to someone much too young.
I checked my email as I leaned against the wall next to the back door.
One of my best employers, a son of a billionaire called Glenn, had emailed me to see if I was available for a few months starting at New Year’s.
He tended to spend a few months every year in Norway where his mother was from, and I loved the place he had there. It was nice enough to make me deal with all the snow I wouldn’t have touched anywhere else.
I quickly replied to him that I’d think about it, but not to count on me in case he was in a rush to hire someone.
“Hey,” Ben said quietly behind me.
Sliding the phone back into my pocket, I turned around. “Morning.”
“How are you feeling?” he asked, coming to stand next to me.
I looked out at the fire pit we needed to set up today and shrugged. “Been better.”
He hummed. Then he sort of shrugged and hugged me from the side. It was oddly comforting.
“How do you think he’ll take it when you leave?” He voiced the question I’d been thinking about in the last couple of weeks as he let go of me.
“I’m not sure he’ll forgive me.” The fact that Ben had jumped to the conclusion that I was leaving told me a lot. I assumed even Rey knew I was going to go soon. “But I…it hurts too much to stay right now.”
“Hurts, and…too tempting?” He raised a brow at me.
I hung my head and chuckled. “It wasn’t that bad until he picked up something off the floor in front of me.” I groaned. “While wearing really tight briefs and nothing else.”
Ben burst out laughing, mindful of his volume. “Okay, I’m not…I don’t get that stuff a lot of the time, but I can imagine.”
“I feel like I’mhis agewith these—” I gestured with my free hand and sort of lost steam. “Urges.”
Ben snorted and shook his head. “You have it bad, Jack.”
“Yes.” Because I did. “Now, what do you want for breakfast?”
He smiled knowingly and let the subject drop. “Let’s start with coffee and go from there.”
