“I don’t really know what to do this year, though,” I confessed.
“Why? I think someone said you had another job lined up soon?”
I frowned and stabbed one of the pancakes on my plate with my fork. “Yeah, I do if I want it. I don’t know. I normally go in October or November and come back in late March. I just…”
“You don’t want to go because of Rey,” he said quietly.
I let out a resigned little chuckle under my breath. “No, I don’t. But a big part of me just wants to…I don’t know. Run away?” I turned my head, letting my hair fall over my face for some cover. I felt so damn exposed admitting all of this.
Ben hummed thoughtfully. “Well, if you end up running, you need to come back.”
“I know.”
“He’s…fragile. He’s stronger now and doing much better, but River says he’s afraid of how fragile Rey can be,” he said in a lowered voice, probably in case Rey would come downstairs soon.
“I’ve seen that, too.” I pushed the hair back behind my ear with an agitated motion, idly wondering where my hair tie was, then forced out, “I just can’t be anyone’s savior.”
Ben reached over the table and touched my forearm. “Nobody can save anyone else; we can only be there to support them while they save themselves.”
For a moment, we made eye contact, and I felt this weird feeling of…hope in my chest. As usual, I felt like I had to make a joke, so I started to open my mouth, but then we heard Rey coming down the stairs, and whatever I’d scrambled for vanished completely.
Ben patted my arm and gave me a knowing look. Yes, we both knew I was in trouble.
* * * *
If I’d thought I was in trouble before, I heard alarms and sirens and fucking fog horns as soon as little Mona came to live with us.
Seeing Rey interact with her was…I didn’t have words for how it made me feel. He was such a perfect big brother figure for her when she was constantly missing her actual brother.
While the adults of the house took their role seriously and Toby visited a lot to try to be a father figure for her, Rey brought some levity into the situation. He both made her read books and help with chores in ways that would benefit her in the long run, but he never forgot that she needed fun, too.
When they got cute and bratty at me on occasion, I saw weird glimpses of a future I didn’t think was possible for me. I didn’t necessarily want kids, but being surrounded by them as the fun uncle would be amazing.
Then again, I had a feeling that might happen anyway, especially with how everyone around me was pairing up and talking about the future. I just needed to not run away from my weird little family.
Speaking of which, I got another call from Jude, who had managed to get a couple of days with Danny, before his twin had given him the slip again. I didn’t understand what was happening between them, why Danny was so damn determined not to have us in his life, but ever since they were tiny, they’d had their own twin thing and I knew I’d never quite understand their bond. It wasn’t just the bond, either, it was the forced severing of the bond when they were ten and the subsequent years.
I worried anyway. I didn’t need to understand to love my brothers and be worried about them.
* * * *
I had walked to the stable one day, when Mona bounced to me, filled with wide-eyed enthusiasm.
“Hey, Jack!” She stopped right in front of me and looked up. For a tiny thing, she had so much presence. “Could you make some snacks Abe likes today?”
“Absolutely,” I promised. Abe, Toby’s nephew, had volunteered with us for years along with his mom. The adults had figured that putting him and Mona together to do tasks would help both kids.
At ten, Abe was still showing signs of being a kid. He wasn’t in a rush to tweendom—River’s words—which was great. He’d had some sort of healing issues from a broken arm, and now needed all help he could get to make sure his hand coordination and dexterity wouldn’t suffer, especially because the injured side was his non-dominant one.
As someone who relied on my hand dexterity in my work, I wished the kid knew how lucky he was to have adults that cared so much in his life.
For the reopening party, he had braided manes and done various other tasks that he had taught Mona later. At six, she was excited about everything Abe wanted to do and show her, and they’d bonded instantly.
“Awesome!” she shrieked, then held her hand up as high as it would reach to high-five me.
“What are you up to?” I asked, digging out my phone from my pocket.
“Oh! I wanted to find you, but I’m gonna go watch Theo train Reina.”
