“Okay, well I’m going to crash for an hour, then go downstairs to eat, and then continue sleeping.” He turned around and retreated into the bathroom.
“If I don’t see you later, goodnight and all that,” I told him as I followed him to go shower while I was still awake.
“Yeah, night!” He turned around to close his door, and I noticed him look at me from head to toe, then lick his lips.
Luckily he didn’t make eye contact before vanishing behind the door. I felt fucked up already. I dropped my underwear and pulled off my tank, then stepped into the shower.
I needed to get handle on how I viewed Rey. I had never before been into people more than five years younger than me. As an adult, never into someone in their teens, not even when I was twenty.
Being thirty-six and recognizing I was attracted to someone who was seventeen felt incredibly icky. I knew for a fact that not all adults would have similar views and some would even take advantage, but I wasn’t that kind of guy.
Logically I knew that nothing really changed between the last day Rey would be seventeen and the day he turned eighteen.
I knew that if he came to me on his birthday and made a pass, I would have to let him down. Because there was no way I was going to be good for someone so much younger. We could be friends now and as long as he allowed that, but it couldn’t go anywhere romantic.
After the incident with the druggie dad, Rey had looked at me even more like I hung the moon. Sure, he still held back, and I was glad about that. Maybe he got the vibe I was trying to put out that said I wouldn’t be open for anything other than friendship and respected that. Hell, knowing him and having talked with him at length about various things, I was pretty sure he would wait until his eighteenth birthday before making that pass I felt coming eventually.
It was just that I was nobody’s savior, and I knew for a fact that a relationship couldn’t be based on hero worship. I’d been there and done that when I was much too young. Iknewhow these things went when reversed, and I would never do that to Rey.
I cleaned myself as best I could with the energy I had left, then grabbed my dirty clothes to toss into my hamper and barely toweled myself before falling into bed.
Just before I fell asleep, I wondered how well I could separate my emotions from my friendship with Rey. Probably not well. And that meant that I’d have to leave eventually to take another yacht job to run away from my feelings like the mature adult I was.
Chapter 13
Rey
The party had been a success, and Sierra soon reported that new monthly and even one yearly donation had started to trickle in.
I felt pride in a way I hadn’t before. It felt like I’d been doing something to contribute to running this place. Of course, I’d been doing it before by cleaning and cooking and then taking care of the kittens and all that, but this felt different. It felt like a more concentrated effort because it helped feed the visitors who then made donations or adopted animals.
My stupid crush was getting out of control. I was now dreaming of being held by Jack most nights. Sometimes, when I woke up, I was hard as nails and I couldn’t tell if it was morning wood or the wood that Jack built. Not that it mattered much, I still took care of it anyway.
The sad part was that I could tell he knew. I could tell, because while he was still as friendly as ever, he was sort of…distancing himself slightly? That’s the best way I could describe it.
We still worked together to feed the guys and while I wasn’t stuck in a book—I’d extended my horsey stuff into cooking related things too—we’d go walk around the house.
I assumed the others knew about those walks, but they didn’t comment anything, of which I was incredibly glad. I wasn’t ready for the gushing they’d be doing, because I knew how much it meant to them that I could go into the yard a bit.
Mostly life continued on as it always would at the rescue. We all felt like a big family, and I enjoyed it a lot now that I could trust in that feeling.
“It wasn’t always like that,” I told Jack when we were doing a circuit around the house one afternoon.
“Oh?”
“No. In the beginning, after the guys found me. I…well, you can imagine. I’d gone from a, in some ways, stable home directly into the streets, right?”
“Uh-huh,” Jack said. “Not exactly a normal family, but still a stable roof over your head and so on.”
“Exactly.” Bucky meandered over and started to walk in between us. I let my fingers trail along his back. “After my mom died, I guess my dad tried his best but it was always business first for him. I think maybe she wanted a kid and he didn’t? Something like that.”
“Did you know your grandparents?”
“Nah. I mean I know of them. Mom’s died when she was young and Dad’s weren’t the warmest people. His dad was a violent drunk and just…not a good guy.”
Jack hummed. “Do you think that’s why your dad didn’t know how to be one to you?”
I hadn’t thought about it in those terms, but of course it made sense now that Jack had said it. “Probably.” I sighed. “Anyway, in my couple of days on the streets, I met a few street kids and one of them was kind enough to give me pointers. Like trust nobody and all that. Which I wish I’d known before that, because one of his friends robbed me.” I chuckled. “But yeah, when River and Lake offered me a place to stay and no strings, I wasn’t sure how honest they were being.”
