She let out a happy little squeak, and I could picture her so vividly it hurt my heart that later that night I would have to hurt her for the truth to come out.
“I’m so happy for you, sweetheart. You have no idea!”
She didn’t say what we both knew that she’d been afraid I’d never find anyone, because I hadn’t shown interest until now. I was in my mid-twenties, and I had finally found my first boyfriend.
“I’ll be moving here soon.” I smiled, feeling guilty for being happy about it.
“I guessed as much.” There was some sadness in her tone, but then she laughed quietly. “But like you say, planes have been invented. It’s not far away, even by car.”
“No, no it’s not.” Then, because I couldn’t keep it from her, I blurted out, “Mom, I think we’re going to get married one day.”
There were tears in her voice when she said, “I love you so much, Ben, and I’m so incredibly happy for you. And…I’ll try to hold back with my fears. They’re mine, not yours.”
For a few seconds, I was speechless. “Thank you, Mom.”
“Of course.” She sniffled. “Now, go work. Let’s coordinate the call later, okay?”
“Yeah. I’ll text you later.”
“Bye, honey.”
* * * *
We managed to schedule the video call right after dinner, which I was happy for. I doubted I could’ve eaten after the conversation. Now, I just hoped that I wouldn’t throw up instead.
River, ever the worrier, was going to stay in the house with the guys. He had told me to text him when I was done with the conversation.
Bucky was outside when I stepped out of the house. He instantly latched onto my mood and gave me a worried doggy expression.
“It’s okay, boy,” I promised him, patting his head in passing.
I’d gotten used to the dogs, and now I really liked them all. The Golden Girls were as social as Bucky, but they liked their job more than people and tended to stay on the sidelines while he socialized. In fact, when I looked around, I could see all four of them resting in various spots at the edges of the yard. If there was a grassy spot, there was a pit bull snoozing there.
Bucky followed me to the cabins. I got up the few stairs and was about to open the door, when I sensed he was still watching me. I turned and considered. “Okay, you can come be my emotional support.”
He wagged his tail and smoothly made his way through the door when I opened it. He stood to the side, knowing he shouldn’t be in the way, while I took my shoes off.
Sighing, I grabbed my laptop and went to sit on the couch.
Bucky followed me and sat by my feet, leaning against my knee.
“Oh, buddy. I’m gonna sit up here.” I moved so I was in the corner and could have my legs straight in front of me.
Knowing that River wouldn’t mind and Bucky was occasionally allowed on the couch in Theo’s cabin, I patted the cushion.
He jumped up happily, then snuggled between the back of the couch and my right leg. He placed his head on my thigh and sighed.
The immediate effect of not feeling quite so alone settled over me, and I realized what I’d been missing growing up. Having a dog as a friend would’ve been amazing, especially with how lonely I’d been after River.
Then again, maybe I would’ve been too scared to actually be able to enjoy the company. Now, I’d figured out my fear of dogs had been instilled in me by my mother after the world had traumatized her when I was little and a dog attacked me. I didn’t feel the squeezing fear around my chest and windpipe anymore. Hell, only months ago I couldn’t have imagined voluntarily sitting on a couch with a dog like this, let alone feeling the comfort I did.
I patted Bucky’s head and opened the laptop. Then I took a deep breath and made the call.
It took them a few moments to answer, but then Mom’s face appeared and she smiled at me.
“Oh hello, honey. You got your hair cut!”
I chuckled. “I did, right before I came here.”
