After I got redressed, I took in a deep breath and sat on my bed. I opened the text thread from Ben.
I’m sorry, my dad is in a bad way, I have to go.”
At the airport now. Too many people. I have my headphones.
No crying babies on the plane so far. I guess they’ll only start crying when we’re in the air.
Landed.
I’m in a cab to the hospital. I already miss you.
I stared at the messages. I missed him, too.
I did some math to figure out what might be going on at his end right now. Since I didn’t know how long his father’s surgery might’ve taken but knowing enough that since it was a heart thing, likely hours, I guessed it was relatively safe to message Ben right then.
Just got home from work. Missing you already too. I hope everything is going as well as possible over there.I added a little black heart to the end, because I knew he’d remember the reference.
With my feet hanging over the edge of the bed, I reached for one of my pillows and put it under my head as I flopped on my back. If I moved to make myself comfortable, I’d fall asleep and I didn’t need that. Tonight, I needed to be as tired as possible to be able to sleep without Ben there. I knew that somehow, as if some switch inside me had been flipped last night and now sleeping without him here, even if not in the same room and bed, would be different somehow. Worse.
I dozed off a little, and startled awake when my phone buzzed in my hand.
He’s out of surgery, we’re waiting for the doctor to come tell us anything new. Something they had to wait to see or some such, I don’t know. I’m stressed out, River. Mom is hanging in there.
I felt sadness and worry roll over me. I wanted to be there for Ben, but I wasn’t and couldn’t be.
If you need to call me, I’m here. Find a calm spot and call, okay? I’m thinking of you. Let me know when you’re going to bed so we can video call then?
Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind and try to remember.”
No pressure. I know how it gets when you’re overwhelmed.”I still remembered from back in the day.Tell your mom hi from me and that I’m thinking about you.
It took a couple of minutes and he texted back.Mom says she appreciates it.
* * * *
I went to eat with the guys, and Lake told me his former client from our escorting days who had been his pseudo-boyfriend for a while back then, Anderson Marsh, was going to come over sometime soon.
The rescue had lost major supporters after Ruth’s death, with the biggest one having been a queerphobic asshat of an old guy who had pulled funding that was vital for the operation. We’d come up with an idea of openly rebranding the rescue to be LGBTQ friendly, and after long deliberations, Lake had finally called his ex.
Anderson was the CEO of the bookstore chain where Lake had worked, and Lake’s feelings about all that weren’t exactly uncomplicated. But Anderson and his friends were loaded—and they were good men—so Lake and I both knew that if Anderson came here and saw the place, the donations would start rolling in.
Rey ate quickly, then ran off to read or play with the cats, which left Lake and me at the table.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, looking worried.
“I’m okay. I just…I feel like we were heading somewhere and now it’s all stopped and…” Or started to backslide, but I didn’t say that out loud. Lake didn’t have all the facts, after all.
“He’s going to come back.”
“But if his dad is going to need him to be there and you two can do your stuff online, then why would he?”
Lake gave me a look as if I was a bit silly. “For you, River. He’ll come back for you.”
“Oh…” On some level, I guess I needed to hear that. Nobody—except Lake—had ever chosen me over others. Then again, Lake was my best friend and I guess that should be expected.
* * * *
Ben called me much later, telling me that he and his mom were staying in a hotel near the hospital. He was going to go to bed and hopefully he could go back home the day after tomorrow if not sooner.
