“Jesus…you people are hopeless.”
I grinned and took a sip of my coffee. Right then, life was good.
Chapter 8
Ben
I don’t know why it hit me so hard when I saw Lake kiss River’s cheek with such clear affection. Maybe it was the casual way that told me they were incredibly comfortable in each other’s space? Because I’d never had that with anyone—except…I kind of had it once. With River.
That thought helped me with going to sit with him while Lake pointedly ignored us and Rey concentrated on his book.
I didn’t even realize I was holding River’s hand before I was about to go, but when Ididfigure it out, I also realized I didn’t want to let go.
I wanted to be close to him again, like we had when we were kids. Memories I’d long suppressed likely so I wouldn’t miss him quite as much, came to the forefront of my mind as I followed Lake into the office.
He took one look at me and smiled, then went back to working on his stuff while he let me zone out a little.
After he left me sitting in the backyard this morning, I used some time thinking about his questions. I wasn’t sure I wanted to have sex, ever. I could maybe try it out, because I knew when I touched myself on occasion, it felt good. Nothing mind blowing, but still a release that I felt my body needed more than wanted.
I knew, of course, that people who were allosexual—I’d learned that was the opposite of asexual—enjoyed sex and felt the urge to have it. How much or how often, that depended on the person. I assumed that River had…needs. I’d even read between the lines that both Lake and River had worked as escorts when they first met.
There probably were sex workers who were asexual if they weren’t repulsed by stuff like that, but I was sure River wasn’t ace.
But I was. Even if my fond feelings for him were something else, something other than friendship, would I be enough for him?
* * * *
Luckily, I didn’t have much time to worry about that. There was work and more work. We rarely met for breakfast, but more often than not saw each other during dinner.
My dad’s heart thing wasn’t anything major, just some sort of early warning sign he needed to keep an eye on and change his diet and such, so I didn’t get too worried. I trusted the doctors knew what they were doing.
I wanted to talk about it with River, but I could somehow tell he didn’t like the subject. I didn’t know why, and I didn’t want to upset him, so I didn’t ask.
It was a classic case of putting his needs in front of my own, and I guess my logical mind wanted to point out that if I was to have romantic feelings toward River, then that wasn’t a bad place to start. Within reason, of course.
One night, when we were about two workdays from me leaving, River and I were the ones cleaning up after dinner.
“Since I don’t have work tomorrow, would you like to watch a movie with me tonight?” he asked as we finished up.
“Yes, of course,” I blurted out faster than I should’ve, had I wanted to pretend I had any chill, as the kids say. “Can we watch Sherlock Holmes?”
“If we can find it online somewhere, absolutely.” River beamed.
I smiled back at him. “Movie snacks?”
“I’m all for snacks, but not Sherlock Holmes,” Rey stated as he stepped into the kitchen. “I’ll watch my own movie, but I think there’s popcorn at least. Let’s see?”
Together, the three of us made some popcorn and cocoa for Rey, and River and I made coffees. At the last minute, he grabbed some water so we wouldn’t get parched, and then we went upstairs. Rey elbowed his way into his room and hip-bumped it closed.
We continued to River’s room.
After some shuffling around, we got everything set up on his bed and on the bedside table.
“Do you want to go change into sweats?” he asked glancing at my chinos.
“Oh, yeah, good thinking. I’ll be right back.”
I power walked into my room, hastily got my pants off and then pulled on my pajama pants, because they were the most comfortable ones I had. Then I grabbed the pillows off my bed and went back to River’s.
