“Whoa there,” Dr. Cobb said, catching my elbow. “Are you safe to drive home?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Although I don’t think I’ll be back in—” I checked the time “—three and a half hours.”
“You definitely won’t be. Thank you so much for coming in.”
“That was the deal, Dr. C.” I patted his shoulder. “Try to process tonight and figure out what you want to do differently next time. I’m pretty damn sure there’ll be if not a flood, then a steady trickle after those two go back to wherever they’re staying.” Although maybe not that particular hidey hole, because it had been compromised.
“Yeah.” Dr. Cobb ran his hand over his face, then gave me a tired smile. “Go sleep. I’ll go in just a bit.”
“See you the day after tomorrow, then.”
“Yeah.”
He locked up after me, and I drove home, trying my best to stay awake.
Of course, by the time I parked the truck, I was wide awake.
Frowning, I made my way inside and went to make myself a mug of cocoa. It wasn’t even five thirty yet, and all I wanted was my bed. I knew that if I went there now, my mind wouldn’t stop showing me images of Mona and Madden, and all the kids just like them I’d seen in New York.
I grabbed my mug and a blanket and went to my chair in the back.
By the time Ben joined me, I was more relaxed in a good way. Then, of course, the conversation obliterated that.
His father was having chest pains. I didn’t know how to feel about that. I knew Ben loved the man and I knew it went both ways. I mostly made sure Ben was fine and then moved on from the subject.
I wanted to tell Ben about the kids, but I couldn’t. I wanted to talk to someone about the secret nighttime clinic, and I wanted that someone to be Ben.
Then, we actually talked about his identity. I tried my best to give him any thoughts and advice I felt was neutral, something I’d give to a patient who asked me. But it didn’t mean my heart wasn’t trying to bounce out of my chest.
The things he told me invaded my head more thoroughly than the siblings had. All I could do to keep it together was to concentrate on Ben’s comfort.
I suddenly remembered sitting across from him in the library, letting our feet touch just to have some contact. When I’d moved mine away, he always chased it until there was contact again. Or when we watched a movie in his room or mine and ended up leaning into each other. No wonder my budding hormones had been so confused.
But it all boiled down to one thing: Did Ben remember any of that? Did he realize how much we’d touched when we were kids, and how much comfort it had brought both of us?
There was nothing sexual in what I wanted to have with him right now. I didn’tcareabout that, attractive as Ben was to me. I wanted to be sure he knew he was safe with me still.
So I did the only thing I could and cupped his cheek, and he leaned into my touch like any of the animals in this place when they realized someone wouldn’t hurt them.
When I moved upstairs moments later, I realized I hadn’t put down my mug in my haze, although I’d somehow remembered to leave the blanket downstairs on the couch.
I smiled as I went to take a shower, and the little conversation and contact with Ben made me feel…hopeful. And you couldn’t ask for much more than that.
* * * *
I slept in. Likereallyslept in. Then, once I woke up in the afternoon, groggy as hell, I wondered if life was such a good idea that day. I managed to get myself into the shower and downstairs after a thirty-minute struggle with my sluggish brain.
I could hear Lake and Ben in the office, laughing about something or other, and Rey was sitting in the back doorway, the sunlight pouring in and lighting up the heavy-looking book in his arms.
“Hey,” I called out to him.
He looked up from the book. “Oh hi, you woke up. Do you want me to make you brunch?”
I grinned. “Sounds fancy, but no. I can take care of it. You stay right there.”
“Okay!” He turned back to the book.
“That one of Seb’s?”
